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Negative reaction from 'friends' regarding having an Au Pair

(107 Posts)
midlifehope Sun 21-Aug-16 10:02:12

We have hired a nice Au Pair from Italy for the month of August to help out with some childcare so I can get some work done over the holidays.

It's worked out ok - with me putting in a lot of effort to settle her, take her places etc. as we live in a rural spot and she can't drive as insurance astronomical. It is not an area where there are many other Au Pairs.Most people rely on various forms of childcare though.

Anyway, some people have been positive, but some of the people I thought were 'friends' have avoided me since she arrived. They've left me out of group activities, And when I have seen them, have given me odd looks, or made comments like:

"Having an au pair is lazy"
"Well you're working at home so you are managing to fit things around the kids" (yeah right, with an 11 mo and a 4 yo).

I can't believe this inverse snobbery. We are not at all rich, but for 1 month this seemed like a good solution and it has been. Why are some 'friends' acting so 'arsey'??

Gowgirl Sun 21-Aug-16 10:05:49

Because they are jealous, I would love an aupair but no room here..

skatesection Sun 21-Aug-16 10:06:56

Dicks. This is nature's way of telling you that they're a waste of your time and energy.

Tomselleckhaskindeyes Sun 21-Aug-16 10:08:37

I had similar when I hired a nanny. It was cheaper for me and also I had help to get them dressed and out to school. People are weird.

twilightcafe Sun 21-Aug-16 10:08:39

These people are not your friends.

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Sun 21-Aug-16 10:09:14


On the bright side it highlights who needs culling from you life.

MatildaTheCat Sun 21-Aug-16 10:09:34

I'd keep her on after August and let the sour pusses get on with looking sour.

LittleBearPad Sun 21-Aug-16 10:11:08


I'd go on about wonderful she is. Screw 'em.

AppleSetsSail Sun 21-Aug-16 10:14:31

I'm afraid I agree, these people are not your friends. Real friends don't care about these sorts of trivial matters.

I'm LOLzing at the idea of working from home while caring for an 11 month old and 4 year old. Right. No one would ever expect that from a man, would they?

Elphame Sun 21-Aug-16 10:17:42

We did the same for several summers. Much better than imposing the children on family and friends. Ask these so called friends if they would be prepared to look after yours whilst you are working.

TotallySpies17 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:18:11

I agree with the posts above- it's jealousy. I considered it but decided I didn't quite have enough room, particularly as the spare room is currently storing stuff, so ended up juggling lots of holiday clubs etc.
Hope it's worked well for you and I'll consider it again next year :-)

crje Sun 21-Aug-16 10:22:19

Here's my best guess,

The others don't want the company of a teen hence not calling for meet ups.

Given you now have help you can't join in the mommy martyr chit chat the others share.

You'll have to get new friends wink

Million2One Sun 21-Aug-16 10:31:55

Did they actually say those things shock. How rude!

They don't sound very nice.

Rubies12345 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:34:33

Is the Italian girl good looking? Do you think they don't want her around their husbands?

I wonder if it would be the same reaction if you brought in an elderly aunt to help with childcare

CafeCremeMerci Sun 21-Aug-16 10:35:50

The 'meet ups' they probably thought you were working or didn't want the AP hanging around with them - or they're just crap friends.

As for the comments - all useful in working out which 'friends' to drop. Life's too short to spend it with mean or stupid people - it's bad enough having to do that at work! 😁 You work from home so have escaped that (mostly anyway I'm sure), why do it in your leisure time?

panegyricS1 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:35:55

3 reasons:

They're jealous.

They revel in the "martyrdom" of having young children.

They don't want a teenager with broken English on their meet-ups.

The third one is understandable if a little mean. The other two are pathetic.

EarthboundMisfit Sun 21-Aug-16 10:48:24

I'm pretty sure they're jealous.

TheNaze73 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:49:29

I'd tell the jealous twunts, to mind their own business

Headofthehive55 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:56:26

One of my DDs friends had an au pair one summer. I chose not to meet up with them as I didn't want to spend time chatting with a teenager. My time is precious too.

OneArt Sun 21-Aug-16 10:58:54

It's possible they're jealous. But I agree with a pp that I want to chat to my friends when I meet up with them and their DC - not make small talk with a foreign teenager.

SuzyLucy Sun 21-Aug-16 11:00:57

Do you mean they havent asked you to meet up or your au pair? If its you then I guess that maybe due to you working . If its the au pair then I guess its because they dont know her.

furryminkymoo Sun 21-Aug-16 11:01:28

It's a genius idea, might be doing this myself, thank you for sharing.

I WFH a lot and people seem to be outraged that I have childcare, yeah because you can look after very young children whilst doing a full time job. Ignore them or tongue in cheek ask them if they can have your DC monday - friday 0830 1730.

Bee182814 Sun 21-Aug-16 11:13:34

OP I don't know why (maybe jealousy as pp have suggested) but similar happened to me. DH works Long hours and I'm (now very heavily) pregnant. My my family not local (and if I'm honest not responsible enough) for baby sitting, DH parents v heavily involved in looking after their other GC there was no one around even for occasional babysitting. At absolute breaking point after 20 weeks of morning sickness and zero support from anyone, I started sending DS to a CM 10 hours a week. More hours than I wanted him to do but that was the minimum that fit with the CM and the hourly rate that suited Ys etc...ever since, family (inc SIL whose kids are looked after almost full time by PILs) and friends have stopped talking to me and had several barbed comments such as 'well your house should be spotless, you're a sahm and you send your child to a CM. What do you do all day?' You're doing what's best for your family, ignore them flowers

WhooooAmI24601 Sun 21-Aug-16 11:18:03

Oh it's just jealousy. I'd hire an Au Pair for the summer, but work in a school so have no reason to. I'd still quite like to, though. Just because my kids are asshats at least 74% of the time and it'd be lovely to say "oh go and ask Nathalie if she'll take you to the park" for the fiftieth time each day. Ignore anyone who feels compelled to judge how you raise your DCs. None of their business unless you're asking them to contribute.

wizzywig Sun 21-Aug-16 11:20:27

Sheesh those women are bitchy arent they?

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