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to feel this is too much

(41 Posts)
Augustbaby22 Sun 21-Aug-16 09:35:59

So my 'best' friend is lovely she was a great support to me when I was on my own and pregnant with dd I've asked her to be Dd's godmother but recently there's been s few things that she's said that it getting a bit much for me.

1. was after telling her my plan for Dd's 1st birthday - just a bbq at my parents with family she invited herself to come just saying 'I'm booking it off work'

2. her telling me she had wanted to get a tattoo of Dd's name confused

3. When I sent a picture of dd she messaged back saying 'Love her like she's my own child'

4. Went for a rare night out in my old home town and saw a few people I knew so told them about dd and showed a picture and she kept saying 'she's basically my daughter'

5. The final straw, telling me she's planning on doing a memory box for dd for her 18th and has told me I need to give her a candle from her birthday cake

I get she's excited but it's getting on top of me a bit and I'm not a very assertive person, I've managed to persuade her it would be best to meet up just the 3 of us for Dd's birthday on a different day and did say nicely that if anyone gets a tattoo of Dd's name it should be me (not that I would not my kind of thing) but this memory box has gotten to me the most, was thinking of sending a texting just saying although it's a lovely idea it's really something I should be doing, or should I just leave it and put it down to her being overexcited and me being over sensitive and hope she doesn't go through with the idea?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sun 21-Aug-16 09:44:54

The only point there that is out of order is the 4th one.

I can see how she may have thought she was invited to the party given that you were talking about it. Getting a tattoo of your godchilds name is pretty common. 'Love her like she was my own' is just a common phrase and a memory box is quite sweet really, it won't matter if she has 2.

user1471428758 Sun 21-Aug-16 09:48:01

So wait - you want her to be your child's godmother, yet didn't even bother to invite her to her 1st birthday party? Poor showing, OP. Do you realise what being a godmother actually is?

Ringadingdingdong Sun 21-Aug-16 09:50:50

I think point 4 is a bit hmm but otherwise I can't see a problem. She obviously loves your daughter like a godmother should. I think you're being over sensitive.

You'll probably be pissed off in another couple of years when she's had kids of her own and her interest in your DD has waned.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Sun 21-Aug-16 09:50:51

It wouldn't trouble me. She sounds lovely and just excited about it all. Feel secure in the knowledge that you are your DD's mother and nothing and no one can take the place of you however close your friend feels to you and your daughter she is not her mother and never will be. Good supportive friends are valuable and I'd just indulge her for the moment - the novelty will probably wear off over time and you'll be glad you never said anything and grateful for the memory box in 18 yrs time.

Olympiathequeen Sun 21-Aug-16 09:51:12

Inviting someone to be a godmother is actually more than just a social nicety. Perhaps your friend takes it far more seriously than you do?

Augustbaby22 Sun 21-Aug-16 09:51:29

The plan for the birthday was always just to have family round otherwise inviting friends would of made it too many people I was going to ask her if she wanted to do something the day before but she invited herself before I had the chance

WinterIsHereJon Sun 21-Aug-16 09:54:05

I don't think the memory box is a strange thing particularly thing for a godmother to do. Presumably you chose her as you expected/hoped she would be an important figure in her life?

The other comments could sound a little strange I suppose, but I wonder if she just wants to feel involved? As your best friend, she probably feels the dynamics of you relationship have changed (understandably) and just wants to stay close to you?

Augustbaby22 Sun 21-Aug-16 09:54:40

Thank you for all the replies, I'm quite a reserved person so felt it was a bit much but I know she loves my dd to bits so I'll just leave it and admit I'm being over sensitive!

JenLindley Sun 21-Aug-16 09:55:20

If you don't consider the person who you call a best friend and asked to be godmother to your child as family then I think you've made a mistake in who you call best friend and godmother. Everything you've described is pretty normal for an excited loving family member/best friend of mum. Your daughter is lucky to have someone that loves her so much.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sun 21-Aug-16 09:56:31

She probably did think she was invited. I would have assumed I was invited if my godchilds mother was discussing party plans with me too. If you didn't want her there you should have just asked her to do whatever on x day instead of discussing a party she wasn't invited to.

Shizzlestix Sun 21-Aug-16 09:58:32

Actually, I think it's way OTT and you would be right to text her about the memory box. I'm afraid I would be putting some boundaries in place. She's not the mum, you are.

fastdaytears Sun 21-Aug-16 09:58:35

You weren't going to invite your DD's godmother to her family party?

Augustbaby22 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:01:47

No discussion she asked me what I was doing so just said BBQ with family then talked about coming before I could suggest doing something different. Apologies dropped- It doesn't help I live in the middle of no where so would have pick and drop her off. But I can understand that I obviously handled that situation pretty shit

AnUtterIdiot Sun 21-Aug-16 10:02:15

It's obviously what the best friend has said about her being "basically her daughter" that's made OP more concerned about all the other stuff, though. Absent that it would just seem a bit overenthusiastic but with that I don't think she is unreasonable at all. The best friend is being pushy because she's massively overinvested in and possessive of OP's daughter.

Augustbaby22 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:03:09

Dropped - dripfeed*

Augustbaby22 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:05:46

Inviting her to party would of meant inviting other friends or worrying she might end up left out with all my family there, I have a big family hence why I wanted to keep it small as possible, she's happy with the plan to meet the day before the birthday as we are meeting halfway and doing something, we live an hour away from each other and she doesn't drive

Ellieboolou27 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:06:12

Op - not inviting godmother for dd 1st birthday is off, godmothers always come to my dd parties.
Everything else is way OTT and certainly the tattoo shock
I think she is taking it too far it would annoy me if my dd godmother kept saying she's like her own etc and the tattoo would really put me off.

TwentyCups Sun 21-Aug-16 10:06:36

point four is a bit out of order, but presumably you were drinking? Many people - myself included! - get a bit 'we're practically sisters were so close! Love you!' when drinking, i don't think she was trying to unsurp you!
The memory box sounds lovely. Saying she loves your daughter like her own is what you would want from a godparent! I'm not s tattoo person, but people getting a god child's name is not rare.

I love my god daughter and would have been very hurt to be excluded from a first birthday party.

Your friend sounds like she loves your child, and kids can never have too many people who love them.

CafeCremeMerci Sun 21-Aug-16 10:14:40

Your BEST FRIEND, your daughters GODMOTHER would be 'too many people' at your DD's 1st Birthday?

My best friend, my god daughters' mother, & my god daughters ARE family. They might not be blood relatives, but they're the family I chose.

My god daughters are grown now, one lives with me sometimes (between travels) & the other has just (though quite young) had a baby. They are like my own, I love them like my own & god forbid should anything have happened to my friend when they were growing up, I'd have brought them up.

The same with my god son, another friends child. HE always calls me his second Mum & so does my friend. They too are family. He's grown now & we are still incredibly close.

If I'd been organised enough I'd have done memory boxes for them of their childhoods from MY perspective. So what if they'd had two?

I'd have no problem with my children's god mothers/fathers getting tattoos of their names if that's what they wanted to do.

They're allowed to love them. The children are allowed to love them & be close to them, they all have more than enough love to go around. The more people that truly love a child & are part of their lives the better.

I think if you aren't comfortable with this you need to have a good think about WHY? Are you just really possessive over your DD OR is there a genuine problem with this friend. If there is a genuine problem with this friend then you need to address it now.

Lorelei76 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:16:42

I'm a godparent and I agree with the OP on all counts.
A memory box I get but in context with the other stuff it doesn't look great

CafeCremeMerci Sun 21-Aug-16 10:17:31

Cross posted with your replies - but it doesn't change my general opinion.

Ellieboolou27 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:17:33

Just read your update so now makes more sense smile

Augustbaby22 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:20:59

So I've been a shit friend then really haven't I, what I meant was I felt like if I invited her I would then have to invite other friends and worried it would end up being loads of people like I said I have big family already, I'm paying for everything with the little money I do have.

I'll have a chat to her and hope I haven't upset her by not inviting her to the party, as I've said we have plans the day before so I'll try and make that special

Again thank you for the replies

panegyricS1 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:28:36

Godmothers arefamily, pretty much. So, she should definitely be at the party. The memory box is lovely, a really kind thought. The tattoo is naff but nothing to worry about. The rest is a bit bonkers but can be put down to excitement and novelty I think.

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