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To think OH could do something while I'm at work?!

(27 Posts)
blitzgirl Sun 21-Aug-16 04:00:08

I'm sat here unable to sleep after being woken up by my 3yo because I'm so angry at the state my house is in! (And nursing injuries from work but that's another story)

I went back to work part time about 6 months ago and only work one evening a week and every other Saturday all day. Now don't get me wrong we don't have the tidiest of houses in the world but AIBU to think OH could actually help me out on those few days I'm working to wash up and tidy up after DD? When I left the house this morning there were 2 dirty plates and nothing else on the kitchen work tops! Now EVERY available space is taken up with dirty cups, plates and baking trays! I know it will be me who does this in the morning as otherwise it won't get done and it'll start an argument as I'm now awake at stupid o'clock and feeling a bit like Cinderella only less glamorous!

Archduke Sun 21-Aug-16 04:45:01

Yep he is a lazy pig.

Show him this video - needs facebook

Archduke Sun 21-Aug-16 04:45:45

Yep he is a lazy pig.

Show him this video - needs facebook

NovemberInDailyFailLand Sun 21-Aug-16 05:41:07

But remember...he doesn't SEE it!

Moreisnnogedag Sun 21-Aug-16 05:43:13

Hang on - what hours does he work?

LyndaNotLinda Sun 21-Aug-16 05:47:45

It's irrelevant what hours he works. If you're at home and you make a big mess in the kitchen, you tidy it up.

sashh Sun 21-Aug-16 05:53:46

Well if you are going to wash up anyway stupid o'clock and loudly is probably the best way to do it.

Hackedabove Sun 21-Aug-16 05:56:05

My DH works in our house and often leaves his lunch plate on the side above the dishwasher, with his empty your pot/orange peel etc on, so often I tidy it away when I come in from work. I have a rant in my head every time. To leave the kitchen in such a state would drive me bonkers. Can you leave it tomorrow and have a tidy kitchen stand off?

Hackedabove Sun 21-Aug-16 05:57:37

Do you think he sees it as your job to tidy it up?

Skittlesss Sun 21-Aug-16 06:22:22

"Help me out"

No! Housework is not just a woman's job or even one persons job when there's two adults in the house...both capable of doing it. You need to let him know this. It's not fair on you at all.

Moreisnnogedag Sun 21-Aug-16 08:57:21

Of course it matters. If he works 6 days a week 12 hrs + shifts and her evening work is also a work day for him too then it's ever so slightly different than if he does a three day week. But no I get it he must be terrible.

sophiestew Sun 21-Aug-16 09:03:28

Why do you describe him clearing up after himself and his child as "helping me out?"

Time to sit down and have a serious talk about who does what and having respect for each other.

bibbitybobbityyhat Sun 21-Aug-16 09:07:39

So did he cook you all a meal to eat after you got back from work? Or was this stuff used throughout the day?

ThePinkOcelot Sun 21-Aug-16 09:41:06

My DH doesn't work, I do. I tend to either leave him a list or just ask him to do stuff. He does, quite happily but if I say nothing or don't leave a note, he does nothing.
Could you perhaps just say "if you use dishes (or whatever) could you clear it up? Obvious to us, but if he like my DH, not obvious to him. Bloody irritating though!!

TheWernethWife Sun 21-Aug-16 09:51:59

FGS - why are you living with such fuckwits, unable to move a couple of plates/cups/dishwasher etc without getting "a list from mummy".

Missgraeme Sun 21-Aug-16 09:55:09

LISTS
That's the answer.
My dh is never happier than when he has a list to tick off!!
I work and he is a sahd.
House always spotless when I get in.
Took me 4 years to house train him but he took to lists rather quickly!
Feed dogs
Feed kids
Washing
Hang out washing
Etc. Work perfectly!

panegyricS1 Sun 21-Aug-16 10:00:09

I blame the daft mollycoddling mothers who brought these men up to be such babies! A grownup shouldn't need a list. And he shouldn't need to be told to clean up cooking mess, it's obvious.

DoreenLethal Sun 21-Aug-16 10:03:42

Took me 4 years to house train him but he took to lists rather quickly!

He writes these lists yes?

Shantotto Sun 21-Aug-16 10:15:06

Jesus, a list to remind someone to feed the kids and the dog?!!

Kerberos Sun 21-Aug-16 10:32:19

I'm living this too.

Makes me cross, in that past has reduced me to tears and I'm pretty sure it'll be the thing that breaks us up. He's just so fucking messy. Never picks up after himself unless he's reminded and has actually asked for a fucking list.

I reminded him I'm not his fucking mother and he should SEE what needs to be done but it makes absolutely no difference.

It's sad because he's a nice, caring bloke in all other ways but this. We've been together nearly 20 yrs so he's not going to change.

BitOutOfPractice Sun 21-Aug-16 10:33:53

Missgraeme your DH needs a list of what to do while you're at work? Do you put "wipe your arse" on it?

I cannot imagine marrying, fancying or respecting a man who needs to be told to feed the kids.

And if my partner left me a list of what they expected me to do while they were out it would absolutely be the end of our relationship.

I despair sometimes. I really do.

Op it is not "helping you out" for him to clear up after himself. That's the mindset where the whole problem starts.

APlaceOnTheCouch Sun 21-Aug-16 10:37:35

You're not asking him to 'do something'. You're asking him to 'be something' - an adult.

GoldFishFingerz Sun 21-Aug-16 10:43:12

I wouldn't do his washing or ironing if he was doing this.

Danglyweed Sun 21-Aug-16 10:59:31

Im a sahm mum, during weekdays i do all that needs done. Evenings dh mucks in with dishes, tidying up after dc and does all the ironing. Weekends we both do what needs done. I love nothing more than going out for the day and coming home to a tidy house, he does a bloody good job of it.

Tell your dh to pull his finger out.

blitzgirl Sun 21-Aug-16 11:25:56

Thank you for all the responses (my first post) I agree he is a lazy pig and probably does think I am there to do it all during the day. He works mon-fri mostly all day but the nature of the job means occasionally it can involve late nights and/or early mornings. Im not expecting him to do anything other than clean up for himself and yes it causes massive arguments because it's not just the washing up. If I left him a list it would go down like a sack of s**t! That's the problem as was suggested, he was mollycoddled as a child and his father is the same! It's so frustrating but today after my rubbish nights sleep I am taking a stand and not doing it! Let's see how long it stays there! (I know it's childish)

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