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Reception only invite

(88 Posts)
spongebobsquarepoos Sat 20-Aug-16 22:48:36

AIBU at a reception only invite to a wedding? This wouldn't even be a question - I've been to evenings only before and thought it was fine - but this is one of my best friends. We lived together several times, met at uni and lived together then, are still very close and have known both him and his fiance for around 10 years. Am also pals with his fiance, although they live in seperate cities at the moment because of work and haven't seen her for a few years. He's one of my best friends and I his. He also mentioned there's around 70 people going to the ceremony - not just family. I know it's childish but I feel seriously pissed off. Am I BU to feel like it's a bit of a diss? We haven't fallen out and he recently encouraged me to look at jobs in his area - I'm planning a move. He's also been my plus one for several other weddings. I will have to book a hotel as I'm travelling some way to attend and he's told me just a week before hand there's a theme for the dress code, so I have to buy a new outfit too. He also gave me the wrong invite by accident, for someone who WAS invited to the ceremony and wedding breakfast. Then apologised as I'm just an evening guest. I feel rather annoyed. Tell me I'm being ridiculous.

gamerchick Sat 20-Aug-16 22:53:12

You're not being ridiculous and the first thing that springs to mind is his lady doesn't feel comfortable at how close you are no matter how ridiculous that sounds to you.

To go to all that trouble for an evening only invite I would decline it, its not worth it. Up to you though.

Rattusn Sat 20-Aug-16 22:53:31


I think anyone in your situation would see it as a snub. Resinding the whole day invite is also not on.

Has he explained why? Are others in your friendship group invited to the whole day?

Rattusn Sat 20-Aug-16 22:54:37

Also evening only invites are generally not acceptable for guests who aren't local.

Masketti Sat 20-Aug-16 22:56:04

That's awful manners to rescind. YANBU.

I was evening upgraded to all day and I'd rather that than the other.

SaucyJack Sat 20-Aug-16 22:58:19


Any chance you're a bit too close? Was it always a platonic friendship on both sides?

Lilacpink40 Sat 20-Aug-16 23:00:23

But I would think this is GF rather than him making this decision. They will shortly be married and she's putting her foot down on issue that she's not happy with (your friendship).

JoyceDivision Sat 20-Aug-16 23:02:33

Go in teh most killer outfit possible.

Def the lady who is asserting where you'll now stand she hopes in 'their' relationship

SpecialAgentFreyPie Sat 20-Aug-16 23:04:03

Whoa. YANBU! I'd lose a huge amount of respect for a 'friend' who did this, especially the ceremony-rescind thing, even if it was an accident.

Banana99 Sat 20-Aug-16 23:04:33

Dress code for an evening do! No chance...
I don't think evening dos are for close friends but more casual acquaintances, like people you work with.
I'm quite down with evening invites as you hardly see the couple (if at all). I have been to an evening do when I didn't know the couple well with a group of workmates and had a good time but it was just a night out really.

I was part of a group of friends (girls) and we weren't invited to the day part when she got married (I think she couldn't afford it tbh). But we were close and she never gave any explanation and it spoiled our friendship forever (and we were ignored at evening do).

If you are that good a friend and you are going alone seems ridiculous not to be invited.

OttoTheOnly Sat 20-Aug-16 23:04:43

I'd not bother if it involves a hotel and buying a new outfit. Too much effort for a couple of hours in my opinion.

Cathaka15 Sat 20-Aug-16 23:07:37

Maybe his fiancé doesn't want you there.

Birdsgottafly Sat 20-Aug-16 23:10:08

I think you were originally invited to the whole thing, then for whatever reason, it had to be retracted.

Unless you really want to go, I'd leave it. I think that you'd just sit and seethe, whilst there.

MoonStar07 Sat 20-Aug-16 23:15:28

I think it's more to do with your relationship with the groom. I think you've tried not to make it look like that in your original post. Describing it well as a friendship BUT you are very close for a male/female friendship especially being a plus one at other weddings etc are you sure it's always been entirely platonic. I expect it's the bride putting her foot down. Do you have a partner now?

MiddleClassProblem Sat 20-Aug-16 23:16:59

3 AIBUs in one night? Busy bee

wowfudge Sat 20-Aug-16 23:21:40

A uni friend of mine did that to me - it was two hundred miles away. I declined and we then lost touch. I think some people just don't think when they organise weddings and just become self-absorbed. If the wedding ceremony is at the reception venue there often isn't the room you get in many churches so numbers are limited.

e1y1 Sat 20-Aug-16 23:22:21

Yep, if you have been attending weddings "together". Then in the bride to be's mind, you are too close for comfort and she doesn't want you at the wedding.

To be honest, I would not go at all. The dynamics of the friendship ARE going to change when he is actually married anyway.

hungryhippo90 Sat 20-Aug-16 23:24:16

Have you ever had relations with this friend? It sounds to me like she could be jealous,
Hence invite not being done.

I'd probably not go at all... I would also tell him you thought that your friendship meant more to him than that.
I am prone to overreactions to things like this, but I would no longer consider him a friend, having allowed you to not have an invite to the ceremonY.
As a man he will have had lots less to do with invites than his fiancee BUT invites are the one thing men do get involved with. My husband wanted a small group of guys at our wedding who he had very little to do with for over four years by that point...he was the only one settled with a child and they went in separate directions (no falling out just not particularly close), I wasn't sure that it was worth the invites at £6! A pop, but he made the point that they were his friends, and as much as my friends were ours, they would always kind of be "mine" he wanted to give them the opportunity to come- none turned up. But it is the one part of the wedding he showed any interest in.

Sorry OP. I'm sad this has happened

purplefox Sat 20-Aug-16 23:25:52

Ask him why you're evening only? If you're as close as you say surely you would have no issue asking him.

spongebobsquarepoos Sat 20-Aug-16 23:26:37

It has always been entirely platonic! I see him like family and have never ever fancied him. His fiance is stunning and has zero reason to feel threatened by me. She and I used to hang out as pals and I've stayed with them at their place when they lived together on many an occasion but haven't seen her for a while,just because we've all been based in different places. And middleclass more like I've been an unbusy bee this evening wink

TaterTots Sat 20-Aug-16 23:35:12

If she's not jealous, perhaps she bumped you for one of 'her' friends. As someone else has said, the bride often calls the shots re: invites.

spongebobsquarepoos Sat 20-Aug-16 23:35:45

Hungryhippo I value loyalty a lot and wondered if I was being over-sensitive about this. My knee-jerk reaction was to tell him to piss off that I couldn't make it, but I do want to attend and celebrate with them, and would regret it if I didn't go out of annoyance. But just wanted to canvass opinion - I wasn't sure if I was being childish in feeling a bit annoyed, or if it was a valid reaction! I won't give him a hard time as I'm sure it wasn't an intentional snub, but just wanted some second opinions for peace of mind.

MoonStar07 Sat 20-Aug-16 23:36:20

Don't think you can throw the friendship away. It does look like thing will change post marriage if the invite is an indication of this? Just ask him?! I would.

madgingermunchkin Sat 20-Aug-16 23:37:54

I'm blunt enough that I would just message and say "sorry, it's very expensive to come such a long way for a evening do, so going to have to sadly forego. And I guess it's true that manners really do go out the window when planning a wedding."

jcsp Sat 20-Aug-16 23:42:07

I'm with many of the others, it's the bride.

Could you find a need to iron shoelaces that evening?

A non controversial reason to not go?

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