Cousin's ex wife playing happy families on FB

(179 Posts)
TaterTots Sat 20-Aug-16 14:00:55

My cousin is long since divorced from his first wife. I hadn't seen her since until two years ago when it was their daughter's 18th. I and most of the family were perfectly civil with her; the day was about her daughter, not old feuds, and my cousin now has a civil, if not friendly, relationship with her after much antipathy in the early years.

The next day I'd put some pics on FB and she popped up saying how lovely they were. (She isn't my friend on there, but can see things her daughter is tagged in). Fair enough - but now she pops up every time there's a family do saying how lovely it all is and what a happy occasion. Then the other week I uploaded some old pics of my (deceased) nan, tagging family members I thought would be interested. There she was again. My nan hated her!

Today my other cousin's daughter (cousin 1's sister) turned 21. Ex-wife has posted long flowery update about 'Where has the time gone, your parents must be so proud'. To give this context, she isn't FB friends with the birthday girl - she's just posted on her timeline of her own accord. This is despite the fact that one of the proud parents - my cousin's sister - utterly, utterly despises her. Why would you actively engage in those circumstances?

I had a nosey at her FB and she has my cousin's surname listed under Other Names - yet not her maiden name. Wouldn't people who wanted to find her be more inclined to search for that than a married name she hasn't used this century (and went by for less than four years)?

She is remarried with two more kids, so unlikely she is looking for a way back in. Is this just for show ('look how civilised I am with my ex's family') or is she really wearing rose-tinted specs about the whole marriage and her relationship with our family? (As background, she was delighted to marry into a big close family at the time, but after the split we were terrible controlling people who never gave her a chance.)

YouSay Sat 20-Aug-16 14:05:26

I don't see anything offensive in anything she posts in fact she seems nice. You obviously don't like her but the grown up thing to do is be polite to her for her daughters sake. You seem a bit over invested in her to be honest. What is it to you?

WorraLiberty Sat 20-Aug-16 14:07:19

Who cares really?

If you have a problem with the way she uses Facebook, just block her.

paxillin Sat 20-Aug-16 14:08:01

It does sound like you are slightly on the controlling side and still don't give her a chance. She hasn't written anything offensive, I'd ignore it.

skippy84 Sat 20-Aug-16 14:08:13

I agree she sounds like she's making an effort to be pleasant and you sound like you have nothing better to do than seek her out to take offence.

It's a long time ago, move on

Coconutty Sat 20-Aug-16 14:08:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarkDarkNight Sat 20-Aug-16 14:08:38

If it bothers you just tighten up your security. I'm no expert but is there not a setting where only friends can post on your timeline even if thy know somebody tagged in a photo?

TaterTots Sat 20-Aug-16 14:09:10

Not 'over-invested' in any way. As I explained, most of us have been nice to her when we've seen her; not much point in making things awkward for her daughter. As for 'What's it to you?', well, nothing really. It doesn't effect my life - I'm just interested in the motivation. Why rewrite history?

SaucyJack Sat 20-Aug-16 14:09:20

You're giving this too much thought.

Lots of people use FB to keep in touch with people they wouldn't necessarily bother to see regularly in RL. It takes 2 seconds to type a sugary comment on someone's pic.

It's just standard superficial FB shite. Change your privacy settings if you really don't want her to see your pics.

Skittlesss Sat 20-Aug-16 14:09:55

I think it sounds like no matter what she does you'll find fault in it. Just leave her

Uglycryingface Sat 20-Aug-16 14:09:57

Nope, can't see what she does done wrong.

Your post reads like 'you're not one of us anymore get back in your box'

Skittlesss Sat 20-Aug-16 14:10:57

Sorry pressed send toout early...

Just leave her to it. She's doing no harm and you'll just look bad if you pull her up over it. It does sound strange but it also does sound like she's one of those folk who you feel like everything they do is bad.

WorraLiberty Sat 20-Aug-16 14:11:24

How would anyone here know what her 'motivation' is?

You really are giving it too much thought.

TaterTots Sat 20-Aug-16 14:12:17

UglyCrying - but to put it bluntly, she isn't. And in the past made it quite clear she didn't want to be.

ArmfulOfRoses Sat 20-Aug-16 14:14:18

Maybe she thought that after the party, everyone had moved on.
She might be posting because she's happy about this, or a twinge of guilt if she feels she behaved badly in the early days of the split.

MrsBobDylan Sat 20-Aug-16 14:15:30

Your family were a part of her life for a time and are still part of her dd's life. She's being nice. Which is more than can be said for you.

WorraLiberty Sat 20-Aug-16 14:16:28

Is she Sarah Ferguson?

TaterTots Sat 20-Aug-16 14:18:05

WorraLiberty - that teary interview Fergie did when she didn't get invited to William's wedding was the first thing that sprang to mind when I was posting this!

TaterTots Sat 20-Aug-16 14:20:03

Armful of Roses - I think you might be right. As I've said (although some others have ignored), it's not a big issue for me - I'm just confused as much as anything.

TaterTots Sat 20-Aug-16 14:20:39

Mrs Bob - talk about an overreaction!

RattataPidgeyRattataPidgey Sat 20-Aug-16 14:29:09

As background, she was delighted to marry into a big close family at the time, but after the split we were terrible controlling people who never gave her a chance.

From the way you write about it and her here, it sounds like you quite possibly did end up as those horrible people who closed ranks and never gave her a chance, even if you were nice prior to the split. It was her against all of you, presumably. She's allowed her perspective on that.

And the way you phrased that and the fact that you even mentioned it makes you sound like you are absolutely bitter and bearing a grudge. It sounds like it really is a big issue for you and it doesn't paint you in a good light.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Sat 20-Aug-16 14:31:37

She is being nice to her daughters family.

Nosing at her Facebook while questioning what she does on there is a little hypocritical imo.

Just block her if it bothers you.

TaterTots Sat 20-Aug-16 14:31:44

Wow. Some people really are desperate to leap to conclusions.

Just5minswithDacre Sat 20-Aug-16 14:32:42

Gosh OP you sound a bit erm I'm not quite sure what the word is.

It's just social media pleasantries. Don't you think you're overthinking and overreacting?

TaterTots Sat 20-Aug-16 14:34:50

Dacre - yes, I probably am over-thinking. Not quite sure why so many people have decided I'm a terrible person because of it, but hey ho.

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