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Furious with teacher!

(303 Posts)
Pilesofironing Fri 19-Aug-16 20:49:47

DH and I both missed calls from the school while at work today. They had tried to reach us after school ended. DH was left a message which was from the Deputy Head explaining that DS had been given into "a tiny bit of trouble " and had become really upset, disproportionately so. He was letting us know as he thinks DS may be a worrier and my be subdued over the weekend. He suggested that we don't question him about it in case it makes him more upset.
Of course I questioned DS. He is 10, and yes, he is a worrier.
So this is what had happened....
During a Drama lesson the class were asked to take it in turns to go up to another member of the class and say " I love you ". They were instructed that they must choose a member of the opposite sex. So far so cringey for the average adult never mind 10yo. So my DS, who does have a very advanced vocabulary, said "Of course. None of us are lesbians!" I am actually impressed that he has an idea of what the word means. The class teacher wasn't impressed. He told DS that he was being inappropriate and sent him out of the class! DS is a stickler for rules and has never been in trouble at school. He was sobbing, couldn't eat lunch. In fact he was inconsolable. He must have been so confused about what he had done wrong.
So I am furious! Planning to call the school on Monday and raise concerns about the actions of the class teacher. I feel that his homophobia is far more inappropriate than the use of the word lesbians by a 10yo in a reasonable context. AIBU??

AStreetcarNamedBob Fri 19-Aug-16 20:51:12

? How does DS know none of them are lesbians? Why do you think teacher is homophobic?

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Fri 19-Aug-16 20:53:13

Sorry but I think your son gets his over-reacting from you.

There is nothing there to suggest the teacher was homophobic.

turnipturnip Fri 19-Aug-16 20:54:06

Maybe your child said it in a derogatory way so to imply being a lesbian is an issue. Or maybe the reason that he answered an adult back was the inappropriate bit?

isanyusernamenotinuse Fri 19-Aug-16 20:54:32

I don't understand what you're furious about. Your son was innapropriate. He's also massively overreacted (I can see where he gets that from given your response). They rang to say it was nothing serious. It's done and dusted. Being sent out doesn't mean he's in massive trouble. Just the teacher responding to an innapropriate shouting out.

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 19-Aug-16 20:55:06

And here's me thinking he'd do well in drama............

TheSilverChair Fri 19-Aug-16 20:55:16

YABU. Your son shouted out a cheeky remark. How was the teacher homophobic?

cansu Fri 19-Aug-16 20:55:21

I am not sure why this shows homophobia on part of the teacher?? Sometimes children are asked to work with opposite sex so that they muck around less. Maybe this was to do with acting out emotions of embarrassment or whatever. Nevertheless your d's did make a silly comment. The exercise wasn't about sexuality but your ds did make a comment relating to this. He was silly, he got in trouble. He overreacted, maybe a little like you are now?? If this was my ds I would be telling him it was a lesson in why you shouldn't call out comments to try and make your peers laugh in front of the whole class. Then leave him to get over it.

Pilesofironing Fri 19-Aug-16 20:55:23

I am thinking that a 10yo has a very basic understanding of what the word means so he made an assumption that only adults can be lesbians. I think that the teacher was offended at the word and made a big deal when he could have used this as an opportunity for discussion, or just ignored the comment. An I reading this wrongly?

PurpleDaisies Fri 19-Aug-16 20:57:07

Answering back like that to the teacher isn't appropriate. I can understand why he was sent out. I don't think praising his vocabulary is the right response.

I don't know what you think the teacher did wrong.

LuluJakey1 Fri 19-Aug-16 20:58:47

You are makng a mountain out of a molehill. Your son was being a bit of a smarty pants and the teacher told him off. If he had a point it could have been better made. Doesn't sound like a great idea for a lesson, I agree. However, the only people turning it into a drama are you and your son.

PurpleDaisies Fri 19-Aug-16 20:58:59

Am I reading this wrongly?

I think you are-I doubt it's the use of the word "lesbians" that's the issue, it's the smart arse reply to an instruction about what to do that he was probably sent out for.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Fri 19-Aug-16 20:59:14

The teacher wasn't homophobic at all.

What your son said was inappropriate.

Lesbian isn't an advanced word for a 10yo confused

The school will know if any children are having any issues surrounding gender or sexuality and if there are any children having issues then what your son said could be perceived as offensive. Even if there aren't any children struggling then he was cheeky and deserved a telling off.

His and your reactions are both disproportionate.

Goldenvalley Fri 19-Aug-16 20:59:52

Sounds like the teacher may have been trying to nip it in the bud by sending him out and probably would have spoken to him about why it was an inappropriate comment if he hasn't been so upset/ inconsolable. To me it sounds like the teacher was stopping your DS saying anything more inappropriate by removing him. You being furious with the teacher doesn't help anyone in this situation, and indefinitely can't see any homophobia here.

ItsMeTheMummy Fri 19-Aug-16 21:00:10

I think that this is a tricky one.

If your ds was in trouble for the words that were said then yes, teacher was in the wrong but if those words were said sarcastically then I think the teacher was right to tell your ds off. I think it depends on the tone in which he said it.

I would like to add that if he's usually a great student and got so very upset then I think the teacher should have assessed the situation and not have been as harsh as he/she was. Each child an individual and being super cross doesn't always work, I would have reacted exactly like your ds had I have been told off and sent out of the class.

Hope you get it sorted

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 19-Aug-16 21:00:23

So each time your precious snowflake shouts out in class it's to become a discussion? How did you get to adulthood and not realise the world doesn't revolve around you both?

Ninasimoneinthemorning Fri 19-Aug-16 21:00:54

I agree with this

I think your over reacting massively to him massively over reacting

YorkieDorkie Fri 19-Aug-16 21:01:46

Agree with every single above comment. YABU.

Pilesofironing Fri 19-Aug-16 21:02:01

Oh dear! I have got it wrong, haven't I? I guess that was why I posted in AIBU.
I thought the teacher over reacted but I have too. Oops. Thanks

PrettyBotanicals Fri 19-Aug-16 21:02:03

I'm not sure he can have both an advanced vocabulary and a very basic understanding.

I think you should talk to your DS about appropriate times to be a clever clogs and that while a teacher is giving instruction might not be one of them.

The teacher was not remotely homophobic.

I would have insisted my child apologise too.

HandWash Fri 19-Aug-16 21:02:18

Obviously you know your son best, but 10yo's know what a lesbian is.

Sound to me like he said it with a 'Yuk! Of course none of us are lesbians!' tone, or the teacher interpreted it as such. Why don't you just wait and see what the teacher says and explain to your son how his comment may have come across?

Good on the teacher for showing zero tolerance to these types of comments.

maddiemookins16mum Fri 19-Aug-16 21:02:29

This is why I feel sorry for many teachers.

isanyusernamenotinuse Fri 19-Aug-16 21:02:57

I agree it's not advanced vocabulary. Kids know a lot more than you think. It probably caused other children to giggle and act daft. Another reason the teacher probably sent him out.

turnipturnip Fri 19-Aug-16 21:03:33

10 year olds have more than a basic understanding. They know a hell of a lot because it is at their fingertips on their phones or those of their friends.

neonrainbow Fri 19-Aug-16 21:03:43

He sounds like a cheeky little wotsit whose teacher dealt with him appropriately and he couldnt handle being mildly chastised. Is he always this much of a drama llama?

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