AIBU to tell off my adult daughter?

(84 Posts)
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Fri 19-Aug-16 20:40:20

I genuinely can't work out if I am being unreasonable or not. Do you tell off your adult children if they misbehave?

My dd did something really rude and ignorant the other day and I just can't work out whether I should tell her off about it. I didn't raise her to be rude and ignorant! On the other hand, she's not a kid anymore so am unsure whether to say anything.

WWYD?

passmethewineplease Fri 19-Aug-16 20:41:21

I'm 26 and my mum still tells me off! grin

wonderingsoul Fri 19-Aug-16 20:41:40

You can still tell her how you thought with out telling her off.

You cant geound her but you can say that your disapoimted she acted in such away.

Dontyoulovecalpol Fri 19-Aug-16 20:42:11

Depends what it was

JenLindley Fri 19-Aug-16 20:42:51

My mum still tells me off and I'm 30.

Missgraeme Fri 19-Aug-16 20:44:48

My dd is 27 and in her mind she is still my child so yes I would still tell her off!! On her 26th bday she got presents from work a day early - she rang me on her lunch hour to ask me if she could open them early - I said no - so she didn't!! Ob wasnt being serious when I said it but she overly respects me still!!

Passmethecrisps Fri 19-Aug-16 20:45:01

You aren't telling her off by saying that the way she behaved was poor.

Or maybe couch it in saying that you were surprised with her behaviour and was that usual/is she ok?

LaChatte Fri 19-Aug-16 20:45:17

I love it when we have family gatherings and my 86 year old Gran gives my 63 year old mum a right bollocking.

isthistoonosy Fri 19-Aug-16 20:46:42

You can tell her off but its now up to her if she listens

jacks11 Fri 19-Aug-16 20:47:13

I think it depends on how you made your disapproval clear.

If you told her off like you would a child, I think YABU. If you spoke to her like an adult and said "I'm angry/upset/annoyed that you did/said xyz because I think it was ignorant and rude" then you would not be unreasonable.

My parents treat me like an adult and if they disagree or are annoyed with me about something then they talk to me about it like adults. I appreciate that and would not be very impressed if they scolded me like a child- I think it's about mutual respect. I guess different families have different set ups and maybe others wouldn't be bothered by it at all.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe Fri 19-Aug-16 20:47:41

Right you lot have helped me decide.

Next time I see my dd she is gonna get a right ear bashing!

grin

AnyFucker Fri 19-Aug-16 20:47:47

Of course you should tell her

chough Fri 19-Aug-16 20:48:07

My mum grabs hold of my hand when we're waiting to cross the road, and says, "Wait, there's a car coming."
I am 52.

Vvlgari Fri 19-Aug-16 20:48:18

I'm over 40 and my mum has told me off on occasion. She always uses my full name when she's cross with me. grin

Ilovetea82 Fri 19-Aug-16 20:50:06

It depends on whether she was actually being 'ignorant' or not. I have been on the receiving end of similar telling offs from my mother as I posted some things on Facebook about something I believe in strong that has also been backed up strongly by science but I apparently only did it to wind her and her family up as they don't follow the same line of thinking.
So if it is something that is clearly not socially acceptable yanbu to perhaps have a word but if it is something a reasonable person is allowed an opinion on then you are.

maldini Fri 19-Aug-16 20:51:27

I would be hmm if my mum told me off as an adult, I wouldn't mind if she spoke to me about something but an 'ear bashing' would just annoy me. Depends what she did and what you intend to do about it, and maybe her age

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Fri 19-Aug-16 20:53:10

I got an absolute bollocking off my my dad last week for bad manners, I didn't thank the shop man and my 'tone was terse'.. he graseed me up to my mum too

JellyBelli Fri 19-Aug-16 20:54:18

I would say something but as one adult to another.

bibbitybobbityyhat Fri 19-Aug-16 20:55:33

I think you would be very u to tell your adult child off!

TheGruffaloMother Fri 19-Aug-16 20:55:59

It depends on both what she did/said and what you mean by 'telling her off'.

mydietstartsmonday Fri 19-Aug-16 20:58:14

I don't think you should give her an ear bashing but just say thought her actions were rude. Simple

exLtEveDallas Fri 19-Aug-16 20:58:39

My dad gave me a right telling off for swearing at DH. Made me apologise to him as well shock blush

I was 41.

DoitotmeSheldon Fri 19-Aug-16 21:00:51

My mum still tells me off and she holds my hand when we cross the road

I'm 42 blush

mypropertea Fri 19-Aug-16 21:03:49

It is ok to tell her off as long as she is allowed to tell you off in the same way if you upset/offend etc.

Tartsamazeballs Fri 19-Aug-16 21:04:09

Depends what she did really- if it's a bad manners thing or if it's a difference of opinion thing.

I'd be inclined to leave it, wouldn't be impressed with my mum telling me off at that age. I'd probably tell her to mind her own.

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