Do you think our DS is seeing things, or just purposely lying?

[DudleyE]

Hi,

DS has been having a few problems, he is 11. DW is refusing to even consider my thinking, and is saying that I'm just trying to justify his lying.

About a week before school ended, DS came to us about a boy who was saying nasty things to him - telling him to kill himself, etc. we obviously went up to the school, asked to speak to his teacher, but she claimed there wasn't even a boy in their class with the name he had given. We spoke to DS again, asking if he was in a different year, he said no and that he sits next to him at school. He isn't 5, he is 11, I think it would be really bizarre for him to keep this going, even though we had been to school. We wasn't sure what else to do, but DS went back into school and had been rude to his teacher about not punishing this boy, he then threw a chair and was crying. He was removed from the classroom and I was called. DW has been telling him to 'snap out of it', 'act his age' and 'grow up'. Which has not helped at all, DS has now been very reluctant to even speak to us about this. I took him to the GP, to which he sarcastically said 'yep, I'm just making it all up' to the doctor, who then laughed and said about how we have a suborn one here... I did not believe DS when he said that, he was obviously unhappy and it felt like he only said that because of the way he has been shut down. He is noticeably unhappy/depressed. Sits in his room, doesn't want to do anything. Every time I ask him, he always comes out with the sarcastic "it's all lies" and "I'm obviously a liar". I'm worried about him.

I'm just wondering if maybe he is seeing things that aren't there, does this sound like it may be possible? He just doesn't come across like he is making it up, he has never been the type of child to lie, and he is a very smart kid, it would be weird for him to not process the fact that we would obviously tell the teacher of the name of this child.

Any advice? Thanks

[TheSpottedZebra]

He sounds very troubled.
What's bothering him -do you know?

[PersianCatLady]

This sounds like an awful situation to be in and if I were you I would be annoyed that the GP didn't take it more seriously.

Could you back to the GP alone and say that you would like a referral to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) as I would have thought that they would be better able to advise you in this situation.

[Stratter5]

Is there any chance there IS a boy with this name, but he's registered as a different name - ie he uses his middle name of Jack but the school have him as James?

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

I would be deeply troubled if this were one of my sons and would make another appointment with a different GP and get a referral to CAHMS.

[Trifleorbust]

The school will have photos of all the students in a year group, often up in the Head of Year's office. You should ask the HoY to ask your son to point out the person saying these things. If he can't, or it's impossible, he needs to be referred to mental health services urgently.

[Trifleorbust]

I would also say, however, that the "Obviously I'm a liar"' response is classic lying teenager stuff. Kids at my school do this all the time when they are 100% lying to my face. I wonder whether your son is trying to communicate complex emotions by saying someone else is telling him to harm himself.

[user1468407812]

Does he have access to any social media sites? If so, could this person actually be online?
Sorry you are going through a worrying time.

[Buzzardbird]

Go and see a different GP.

[AustraliaAmerica]

I assume he's at primary school? So the teacher must know if a kid in their class has a different name.

Really sorry op, not sure how to help

[Lonnysera]

That's very worrying.

[Porpoises]

Sounds very worrying. It could be hallucinations. Could be that someone elsewhere is hurting him or that hes in pain for another reason, but doesnt know how to communicate that to you, or communicating the truth is more scary than a sort-of-true fiction. I would seek professional help and keep listening calmly to him. You don't have to treat it either as a lie or a truth, with him- you could say something like 'this doesnt all make sense to me but i hear that something is hurting you and i want to be here for you and listen and understand'

[Laiste]

About a week before school ended, DS came to us about a boy who was saying nasty things to him - telling him to kill himself, etc.

He is noticeably unhappy/depressed. Sits in his room, doesn't want to do anything.

Was he noticeably depressed before he told you about the boy at school, or is this withdrawn behavior solely in response to him feeling 'unbelieved'? I second the idea that this might be a person online btw.

[myownprivateidaho]

Do you think that he might have raised the idea of a very unhappy "boy he knows" in order to talk about feelings of sadness with you without having to admit that he feels sad himself? He could well have described how the boy was feeling in great detail just to get his own feelings off his chest, without realising that you would take it seriously and want to find out more about the boy. And so then when you investigate he is stuck with having to keep up the lie?

Personally, I would just drop the idea of investigating who the kid is. He sounds made up. On the off chance that he is not, you have done all you can do by flagging the issue with teachers. Next time he raises him, why not talk through the advice your son could give this unhappy boy?

[DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease]

I echo what a PP said that mine would come out with the"so I'm a liar" challenge when definitely lying. He's lying for a reason though and something is wrong. GP and push for a camhs referral would be my next step.

It's awful when you can see a young person is hurting and don't know how to help. Keep talking, with him and your spouse.

[davos]

What was his response when you told him this boy doesn't exist? What did he say?

[missbishi]

It could be (and this is obvs. a worst case scenario and I'm sorry if I'm scaremongering) psychosis of some description. Whilst it may very well be the case that he has just made something up, there's also the possibility that this boy is a hallucination. Please see a different GP and push for CAMHS.

[cheesychip]

Any chance it's a lazy teacher who just can't be bothered to investigate? Try looking the name he's given you up on facebook or give it a google. I'd believe your son over school staff.

[Trifleorbust]

99.9% of teachers would take comments like that very seriously. Nobody would lie in such a obvious way either. Sigh.

[pallasathena]

He's projecting his fears and anxieties onto an imaginary friend. He is very disturbed if he's thinking of self harming and he's throwing chairs.

Does he have access to a computer in his bedroom? And if he does, do you have all the parental controls in place?
I would suggest that he's been accessing stuff on line that he shouldn't which is leading to feelings he can't process, anger that has to be expressed and very likely, depression that he is too young to articulate. Your boy needs help.

[Vixyboo]

I agree see a different GP. How dare the one you saw dismiss your boy in that way.

I would suggest mental health needs to be investigated but also other things. Does he display any autistic traits? I ask this because sometimes it can be hard for someone on the spectrum to get names right or convey complex emotions- not impossible, but def more difficult.

Would he draw/write his feelings given the chance to? Reassure him that you are listening to him x

[Guiltypleasures001]

It is not unusual for child who is deeply worried about something to say they hear or see ghosts, their point is if you say you believe them, they feel safe to gradually tell you what the real problem is.

It's a test of your trustworthyness if you like, you really need to take this seriously somethings going on, and he needs seeing by a professional counsellor, your wife I'm sorry to say is in denial and in danger of neglecting her son in his hour of real need.

Please don't ignore this as a professional this is a huge red flag and not to be ignored

[Noonesfool]

I think it's highly unlikely you would get a referral to CAMHS based solely on this incident.

I would keep an eye on him and make sure he feels ok telling you if something is wrong - it may well be that something has happened but that maybe he got the details muddled and then felt "committed" to the story?

[WeirdAndPissedOff]

As others have said there are several possibilities - could be hallucinations, an outlet for feelings he can't process, or its possible that this boy does exist but under a different name or outside of school. (Is it possible he gave a fake name as he is scared of getting the boy in trouble/the boy retaliating?)

But whatever it is he is clearly very unhappy, and needs help.

[Guiltypleasures001]

You might get a referral to CAMH but it won't get any where, there's loads of counselling charities for children who will see him.

[Leggytadpole]

Go back to the doctor and discuss his depression symptoms. Regardless of whether or not he has lied depression is a serious illness and he needs to be treated sooner rather than later. There may be more serious issues (psychosis) but seeking help for the depression is a good start.

It's worth asking your DW to research depression - telling him to "snap out of it" won't help him.

Good luck, it must be very worrying.