Advanced search

Aibu to think that if you buy someone a birthday dont then take it back off them?

(311 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

shiteattheseaside Fri 19-Aug-16 16:09:03

Ok so this will need some background explanation:

1. My mother and father are very very well off (house over a milion, 2 porches, 3 horses)

2. Even though people may make a judgement of what i am going to say, i am the total opposite of a spoilt brat. ..totally on the contrary i have never asked for anything from them, i have bought everything myself from working at 15 and moving out at 18 to uni with pretty much nil help from them (which admittedly i dont expect but indont understand why they dont offer when they are so well off and im struggling tbh)

Ok so, my mum and dad bought me a car for my 18th birthday (seccond hand, but decent little first car, worth about 4500). Jump to me being 20 at uni, i have a rather wild weekend with friends - paid for by my student loan at the time. I had thought i had another installmeny of student loan to do me to the end of the year but i had misscalculated and was basically down of about 1300 ( my fault totally). I spoke to my dad and explained my stupid mistake and asked if he would mind lending me the money (which i would pay back straight away when my next loan/work wage came in in a couple months time) baring in mind this is the first and only time i had ever asked my very wealthy parents for help (i was paying my own accomodation fees, uni fees and had a student loan for living, they helped with literally nothing). My dad then said that he would sell my car to cover the cost to help me out (baring in mind the car was my birthday presblent from 2 years ago and was worth 4500) he sold my car and gave me 1300.

Aibu to think that this was fcking shit of them to do this? Or perhaps they were trying to teach me a lesson? This happened 5 years ago bow but i still dont understand why, when id never asked for help before, they dont help me financially at all since me being 15 and they are extreamly well off?

Trifleorbust Fri 19-Aug-16 16:14:28

You spent a whole instalment of your student loan in a weekend? I'm not surprised he said he'd sell your car after that, in all honesty.

ImperialBlether Fri 19-Aug-16 16:14:46

So he sold it and didn't even give you the full amount?!

How come it wasn't in your name? Was he paying the road tax and insurance? (Not saying he shouldn't, just wondering how he was able to sell it.)

That present makes them sound generous (less so when they took it back, of course) - did they ever say why they wouldn't give you any money as a student? Did they want you to go straight to work? Parental income would've been taken into account for loans etc - did they fill in those details?

Aeroflotgirl Fri 19-Aug-16 16:15:54

I think it was, they are your parents, and you don't want to see your children struggling, they can well afford to lend you the money. Very shitty thing of your dad to do.

Alfieisnoisy Fri 19-Aug-16 16:16:11

I think it's a bit mean.

I totally understand them wanting to help you learn a lesson at that time but it still seems a bit mean.

SuperManStoleMyPants Fri 19-Aug-16 16:17:52

Student, £4500 car, £1300 for a wild weekend.

I'm afraid my heart isn't breaking for you.

Have you spoken to your parents about how you feel? If you are still sore five years later it's time to forgive and forget or confront and find their side.

Alfieisnoisy Fri 19-Aug-16 16:18:22

Trifle I could totally understand it if the OP made a habit of reckless behaviour but she didn't. She says she did most stuff on her own and paid her own way.

One mistake....I would have covered it as a parent if it was within my means to do so.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Fri 19-Aug-16 16:20:09


Is having a porch considered well off??

Suppose mine does have a nice rug.

Spice22 Fri 19-Aug-16 16:20:43

No wonder it still bothers you ; what a shitty thing to do. I'd talk/email them about it so its atleast off your chest.

superman half your post was unnecessary - she didn't ask for ur sympathy.

shiteattheseaside Fri 19-Aug-16 16:21:38

Triffle - i know..totally out of character of me tbh. At the time i had met a lad (rolls eyes) and as i thought i had another installment we thought we'd go away and have a great time - id never done anything like that before so i thought hey why not have a crazy a uni student! Obviously didnt work out! So i do get that, thats why i was thinking i wonder if they were trying to sort of teach me a lesson in a tut tut sort of way (which is understandable because it was stupid on my part)

Bluechip Fri 19-Aug-16 16:22:30

They have two porches. Front door and back door?

Trifleorbust Fri 19-Aug-16 16:24:36

I suspect they were, OP. I might be inclined to be similarly harsh if my child spent that much in a weekend on a whim - consequences to your actions sadly.

But it is more surprising that you received no financial help from them at all. Who paid your fees?

TheHiphopopotamus Fri 19-Aug-16 16:26:02

On the face of it, it does sound a bit mean but perhaps your parents were trying to teach you a valuable lesson.

Forget how much your dad is worth, and how many horses they have etc., what would you have done if your dad actually couldn't afford to lend you the money? You would probably have had to sell your car anyway.

Just because they have the money, doesn't mean they have to give it to you. And spending over a grand on one wild weekend? I think I'm on your parents side, if I'm honest.

shiteattheseaside Fri 19-Aug-16 16:26:14

Superman- im not meaning to be like ooohh dear poor me and my car and weekend , but what im trying to say is that that was seriously the one thing they ever bought me (no pocket money growing up, no tenner here or there) that was it and they took it back. The weekend was the only thing ive ever done like that which was silly on my part. (I apend my disposable income on food or petrol...i have clothes that are 6 years old now etc)

LaurieFairyCake Fri 19-Aug-16 16:26:28

I'd have done exactly what they did

I could cope with you spending an extra 20 a week on alcohol and being reckless but a £1300 blow out is so extreme it warrants an extreme response

It's nothing to do with the fact that they should have been helping you out at uni (they really should have done a bit to support you)

LeonardInTheArgosBag Fri 19-Aug-16 16:28:01

What jobs do they have to allow them the luxury of not one, but TWO porches?

Trifleorbust Fri 19-Aug-16 16:28:22

No pocket money? Sounds like the answer is just that they're really, really tight 😂

Sorry, OP. I'd let it go though.

DoItTooJulia Fri 19-Aug-16 16:28:52

That's why they're wealthy op.

If I had money I couldn't see my DC struggle, but I don't have money, so it's a moot point. Maybe I'd feel differently if I had?

But you need to move on and accept that your parents aren't generous with their cash.

Trifleorbust Fri 19-Aug-16 16:29:05

Is everyone just being mean or is it not clear that OP means Porsches?

maisyanddaisy Fri 19-Aug-16 16:29:06

No need to be smart re spelling mistakes people. They sound really mean OP. I have a friend whose parents refused to LEND her money (of which they had plenty) when her student loan was delayed. They told her to get a job. She had no money for food. I suppose they justified it by telling themselves it was for her own good- but in fact they were greedy, stingy and heartless.

SavoyCabbage Fri 19-Aug-16 16:30:19

A car that is worth £4500 is not worth £4500 two years later.

Your dad was trying to teach you, somewhat clumsily , the value of money. You spent money you didn't have so he liquidated your assets on your behalf.

He shouldn't have I don't think, without asking you if that was what you wanted to do. He should have advised you that that was one of your options. Like getting a part time job would have been.

ButtercreamIcing Fri 19-Aug-16 16:30:44

I just want to know what you did on that £1300 weekend!

Sonders Fri 19-Aug-16 16:31:31

I think people are focusing a lot on the actual value of the things in OP's post. If you knock a 0 of the end of the prices it sounds bloody awful - selling a gift worth £450 and only giving them £130. The fact is that OP's parents punished her for far more than the value of the mistake.

Believe it or not, most 20 year olds make mistakes, at least OP only made one!

Vixxfacee Fri 19-Aug-16 16:32:15

It's obviously porches. No need to be silly.

Op yes it was out of order and extreme to sell your car but what exactly did you spend 1300 on!?

shiteattheseaside Fri 19-Aug-16 16:33:09

Yeah thats fair enough, just trying to ask outside oppinion as i wasnt sure if i shoukd just have accepted that it was a lesson. It just erked me (and still does now if im honest ) that they are really well off but have never helped me. Yes quite right to say just because they have money doesnt mean they have to help me - and ive never asked for help before or since this one time event. Even now if my mum ring me and askes how im doing and i say well ok but have 50 quid to do me 2 weeks (now im living on my own in flat with 1 year old and going to uni for my seccond degree and masters...not out partying!) And she just says "ohh ok and your dad are going on holiday and we are getting a 3rd car" it just pisses me off a bit!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now