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compulsive lying-more of a WWYD?

(18 Posts)
GreatFuckability Fri 19-Aug-16 15:10:45

Someone I know, I'd say a friend of friends, rather than my friend, lies. All the time. Mostly petty things- fake illnesses, what jobs shes done, that kind of thing. I've caught her out a few times, but never said anything, but this time round I have irrefutable proof of something shes made up. Do I tell our mutual friends? I genuinely don't know what I should do, if anything.
I guess my options are
a) mind my own business and leave her to her lies. it doesn't affect my life in any way, other than make me not like her much.
b) tell her I know
c) tell them I know


bleedingnora Fri 19-Aug-16 15:11:27

Is it a lie that adversely affects your actual friend? If not I'd stay out of it.

WoburnSands Fri 19-Aug-16 15:13:41

Option a

BabooshkaKate Fri 19-Aug-16 15:15:20

I'm a nasty person so I would ask her difficult technical questions in a casual tone and watch her squirm.

abbsismyhero Fri 19-Aug-16 15:16:48

Depends really I tell people I split from my ex because these things happen very non committal about it all my close friends know its because he was arrested for something nasty no one else does

wildthingswere Fri 19-Aug-16 15:17:12

I think everyone has a friend who does this.
It's usually after you've mentioned something you've done in the past, but they've done it and done it better.
It's infuriating and often quite fun to ask questions that deepens the lie more until they start to crack. However, option a is definitely the best option.

WoburnSands Fri 19-Aug-16 15:17:55

Babooshka - I've had this find to me - very effective!!

My action would depend on whether the lie was about something important or trivial, what's the lie about?

Hopeful16 Fri 19-Aug-16 15:25:33

Wildthing- if you've been to Ten-erife they've been to Eleven-erife!!!

Yep we've all had that conversation with people grin

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Fri 19-Aug-16 15:28:37

Well I pray she doesn't get Ill for real and needs support as you won't believe her, and. Who could blame you.
However don't be hasty to judge. She may not be an attention seeking spiteful bitch. She could have munchausen.

x2boys Fri 19-Aug-16 15:42:28

my sil was like this she sadly died last yr suddenly, generally her lies were ridiculous and just made her look like an idiot, but she could be very dangerous with them accusing people of all sorts unfortunatley for her children her lies were exposed quite spectacularly in court after her death , i dont know why she lied i think she did it to make herself look good [ most people knew she was a liar so she generally wasent beleived] I also think she beleived what she was saying which makes confronting people like that really difficult

QuimReaper Fri 19-Aug-16 15:44:28

Unless there is some consequence to the lie, just stay out of it.

blitheringbuzzards1234 Fri 19-Aug-16 15:49:48

Dear hubby used to work with a chap who told daft lies, just to get attention or to 'top' whatever else had been said. He was known as Topper behind his back.
For a laugh DH and his colleagues would come up with more and more outrageous stuff just to see if he'd try to top it - on the lines of, "When I was an astronaut..." He looked at them, they looked at him - and then he just walked away.
Put a stop to it for a while. I suppose we should just feel sorry for people like this - surely they know they're fibbing and will be found out?

x2boys Fri 19-Aug-16 15:53:31

i dont think some people do blithering my sil told people she had successfully swum the English channel in her youth she had never even swum competativley .

jacks11 Fri 19-Aug-16 16:23:01

Option A- unless her lies are going to have an adverse impact on someone else, or has implications of some kind on you or your mutual acquaintances. I think keeping well out of it is the better option. It is less likely to come back and bite you. Obviously, if what she is lying about is serious, or could lead to serious consequences for herself or others, then I think you should speak up.

If her lies are trivial, whilst it is very annoying to have to listen to, I would leave well alone and just avoid as much as possible. I guess you could approach her, but I doubt she'd suddenly turn over a new leaf just because you said so. She could even twist things to make you look bad, if she is a skilled liar.

At the end of the day, if it makes you feel better/gives you satisfaction to expose her lies because they annoy you then you could tell your friends. Just be clear in what you are trying to achieve and why- is it to get her to stop the trivial lies because they are annoying or something more profound- such as removing her from the friendship group?

I have a friend of a friend/acquaintence who tells lies about trivial things, most of her friends and acquaintances know she does this. It is annoying and usually it's that she has to top whatever story/event is being discussed. Whilst I wouldn't trust her with secrets/important information, as her lies are not malicious or about anything important/likely to have a negative outcome for others, I generally ignore it and simply make no effort to be her friend (am polite when we meet though). I know she has been a good friend to out mutual friend in other ways, so she is not all bad.

I think she does it due to chronic lack of self-esteem and it's a bit of a compulsion now. I feel a bit sorry for her, and so don't really think I'd get any satisfaction out of publicly humiliating her in front of mutual friends (who mostly have worked things out for themselves anyway) and would feel pretty silly telling my friends that she has lied about something as most would have worked it out already/it's about something pretty trivial and they wouldn't really care. I'd just look a bit foolish and vindictive, TBH, and wouldn't reflect well on me. Obviously not the case with everyone who is like this, though, which is why I'd say you need to be clear about why you are getting involved and what you hope to achieve by telling others.

Caveat to that would be if her lie was about something important/someone else/negative impact on others, in which case I would feel that I should say something to her, or the person on whom the lie would impact negatively upon.

GreatFuckability Fri 19-Aug-16 16:25:45

its not a lie that adversely affects anyone in any way, which is why i'm undecided about what i should say, or indeed if i should say anything. i guess i just feel like my friends who are nice people deserve better than being lied to by someone they like?

I don't think she necessarily does it to be horrible, in some ways i feel a bit sorry for her that she feels the need to exaggerate and make things up. To me, it seems to come from being deeply insecrure about who she is or something?

You guys are correct though, I should just keep quiet unless she says something that has a direct negative effect on my friends.

GreatFuckability Fri 19-Aug-16 16:30:34

yeah, Jacks that post has clarified my thoughts a lot. thank you for that. I shall just steer clear as much as I can. I've no wish to humilate her or excluding her from the group or anything like that.

Sonders Fri 19-Aug-16 16:52:20

I had a couple of friends like this at uni. One would lie about really trivial things like what she had for dinner or what the score was at her club's match, another had done everything, met everyone and was a classic Elevenerifer.

Both were brilliant fun at the time because they were genuinely nice people, and we did have a laugh about it too.

I haven't seen either in over 5 years - I think it's because although it works in a group dynamic, it's too hard to build a personal relationship with someone like that.

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