Come on MNs - AIBU? Need to decide what to do with money....

[SleepingSal]

Nc due to this easily making me identifiable.

I've been studying hard for 3 years with huge support from Dh and done much better than I expected. This has been done around working and meant lots of evenings working and juggling between Dh and I. I've been extremely lucky to have been awarded a decent monetary 'prize' for my achievements. I would like to take Dh and I away for a long, luxury weekend - basically a bit of a blow out. He has worked just as hard as me to achieve this and supported me so much. We do not go out a lot, we do not spoil ourselves much (can't afford too!), very, very rarely spend money on ourselves and have NEVER had a night away from our children. I really would love to celebrate this achievement just as us and spoil ourselves a bit - nice hotel for a few nights, maybe a spa, nice meals out etc.
On the other hand we owe Mil some money - not a huge amount but this money would go well towards paying it back. I should add beyond this we have no credit cards or loans (beyond mortgage) and try to manage our money well, so this is the only debt. We have a paying back system in place with Mil which she is happy with and she certainly isn't in need of this money as a matter of urgency.
I was telling Mil about the prize tonight and all excited about a potential trip away, and as I put the phone down it suddenly occurred to me should I instead pay her back first (I know I should have thought about this sooner!). To be fair she didn't mention it but I felt bad, like I should prioritise this debt first.
However, a big part of me wants to keep this money a bit separate and do something special with it. AIBU and a bit selfish, should I pay Mil back first....

[Moomichi]

Can you chat to her and explain how you think this would be a great opportunity for you and dh but you understand if she would rather have her loan back? Z

[ImperialBlether]

How much is involved?

[ThePinkOcelot]

If you already have a payment plan in place with your MIL then I would stick with your going away plan, or could you maybe scale it down a little and pay a lump of MIL debt?

[SleepingSal]

Not a lot in grand scheme I suppose; £750 and owe Mil £2500

[Bearbehind]

It wouldnt feel right to me blowing £750 when you owe MIL more than 3 times that.

Can't you pay her back then save for a treat?

[Rumpelstiltskin143]

Pay half to MIL and use the other half for a weekend away.

[Mouikey]

Talk to your MiL before you book anything. You should always pay debts first, however as you are paying back and it is family she may be happy to continue with your existing arrangement.

[Oly5]

I'd pay the MIL. The fact she doesn't need it isn't the point. You borrowed it and she generously leant it to you.
I think you should pay her back and save for your blowout.

[TrollTheRespawnJeremy]

Agree half and half is a good compromise. You never know, maybe mil will give you it back for your hard work. Seeing as it is a prize and not general income.

[Bearbehind]

Why does it make a difference if it was a prize or just general income?

You borrowed money from MIL to help you out so why wouldn't you pay it back as soon as you were able to.

If the money owed were on a nameless, faceless credit card I'd say 'fuck it' blow your windfall, but i couldn't look MIL in the eye knowing is chosen to treat myself over repaying her.

[Bearbehind]

And, more importantly, knowing she knew I'd chosen to do that.

[TrollTheRespawnJeremy]

Bear- because MIL would have budgeted on receiving the borrowed monies back in line with OP's normal income pattern. Given that this is an extra that was unexpected- MIL will be paid off quicker if OP gives her all or any of her prize money.

For that reason I see a difference between prize money and general income. If OP's MIL is anything like my own she would be proud and supportive of OP's efforts and would be happy that OP is being rewarded for her hard work.

[witsender]

What is her financial situation? I know were this out family, and we talked to MIL about it she would absolutely want us to go on a big weekend or whatever and stick with the payment plan.

[Optimist1]

I agree with PPs who suggest talking to MIL - if she does need faster repayment than you've agreed you'll get credit for offering to pay her, if she doesn't you'll get credit for being thoughtful. I hear what you're saying about a treat for you and DH after all the efforts leading to your award (congrats, BTW) but in the long run it's better to look to your obligations before your treats.

[nokidshere]

My MIL absolutely would want us to do something nice with the windfall in those circumstances.

Call her back and say just what you said to us - I bet she tells you to enjoy it!

[CaptainCrunch]

I can't believe some posters are encouraging you to spend any portion of this money before you pay your debts off. Your mil's financial situation is irrelevant, you owe her money and need to address that before you spend anything else.

[Bearbehind]

because MIL would have budgeted on receiving the borrowed monies back in line with OP's normal income pattern.

It's completely immoral to expect her to continue to be out of pocket, when she's obviously helped out when needed, and to reap the benefits of a windfall yourself.

I wouldn't even ask as she'd likely say no, it's fine.

A couple of nights in a spa isn't worth feeling indebted to a family member IMO.

[ImperialBlether]

I would ask her. If it were me, I'd want to know I was getting the money back, as pre-arranged, and after that I wouldn't care what you were doing with your money.

[Cloudhopping]

I would speak to your MIL to sound her out. I know my DM would be happy for us to treat ourselves and would be happy with the prior arrangement for paying back the debt but everybody's different.

[HermioneWeasley]

I would pay her and save up for the night away.

[SleepingSal]

Thanks all, don't worry already spoken to her, she said 'don't be ridiculous and do you want me to have the kids'.

[Gazelda]

I'm sure you could find something lovely for £500, and leave £250 to give to your MIL. She's been generous and probably would love you to enjoy your prize. But by offering her a lump towards the loan will make her feel appreciated and will shorten the term of the loan.
Have a look on Groupon or lastminute.com for offers.

[Gazelda]

Oh, cross-posts. She sounds lovely! Enjoy your well earned break.

[SleepingSal]

Will do gazelda, I've no idea what these things cost and even a travel lodge would be a treat. We've 2000 left to pay now and give her 250 a month so that would clear another month. :-)

[Optimist1]

Brilliant! Now you can all congratulate yourselves on being thoughtful people and you can plan your treat with a clear conscience. I hope it's great fun!