to chose a wedding over DC's 1st birthday?

(31 Posts)
ScarlettOHaraHamilton Thu 18-Aug-16 18:57:33

A very, very old and close friend is getting married next year. DH is an usher. The wedding will be abroad, as that is where the bride is from and our friend lives in that country too. It's not too difficult to get there is still quite a distance and would realistically mean a few nights stay for the whole wedding.

We've just been given the date and of course, sod's law is that it is happening over DC2's 1st birthday.

DC1 would have to stay behind as they can't miss school. We have lovely grandparents on both sides who would happily divide and conquer the childcare over a few days.

I don't know yet if the wedding is child free but imagine it generally will be (I know our friends with DC are unlikely to take theirs), and though I know our friend would definitely let us take DC2 if that was the only way we could attend. However, and this might be very selfish, I don't really fancy being possibly one of the only people there with a baby, nor doing the flight with a baby. Plus DH and I haven't had any time away together since DC1 was born 5 years ago, so this would be a lovely break and a chance to spend some quality time together for a few days in an exciting city.

Also, I suppose DH could go on his own, but friend is my friend too and I would love to be there.

Part of me thinks that DC2 clearly won't know its their birthday and we can celebrate their birthday another day when we get back. Another part of me thinks that it would be awful to chose a wedding over DC's birthday.

Of course, we don't know yet what DC2 will be like and we might end up having to rethink everything if they turn out to be a very unsettled baby.

Would we be unreasonable?

DerekSprechenZeDick Thu 18-Aug-16 18:58:35

Totally not unreasonable. You can do something for the birthday when you get back. He won't have a clue anyway

Enjoy the wedding and child free holiday grin

MaryPoppinsPenguins Thu 18-Aug-16 19:00:32

I did this... Had a fab time at the wedding and threw her a huge party the next weekend. Go for it smile

randomsabreuse Thu 18-Aug-16 19:01:38

DC2 will have no idea it's their birthday but DC1 (school age) might comment later. Wish I'd ignored my DC1's first birthday as she had no idea...

harderandharder2breathe Thu 18-Aug-16 19:02:04

Do the wedding, celebrate with DC when you get home

Lules Thu 18-Aug-16 19:03:22

Of course you should go. I'm going to a conference on my DC1 1st birthday. Didn't even occur to me not to go. Do I win a bad parent award?!

Eatthecake Thu 18-Aug-16 19:05:17

Go to the wedding

Have a tea party for your little one on a different day? At 1 they won't know the difference

I had to miss a couple of my DC 1st birthday due to work commitments and we have a tea party on a different day they didn't know the diffrence

SexLubeAndAFishSlice Thu 18-Aug-16 19:06:59

Nope not unreasonable at all. DC2 will have no idea you're missing his/her birthday. It won't make any difference to them whether you celebrate it on the actual day or a few days after. Go away with DH and enjoy yourselves!

Leeds2 Thu 18-Aug-16 19:11:52

I would go to the wedding, but maybe ask the grandparents not to do anything to celebrate the birthday on the actual date, but to wait for a date when you can all celebrate together. Just thinking celebrating on the day might upset/concern DC1 if you aren't there, even though DC2 will be blissfully unaware!

ScarlettOHaraHamilton Thu 18-Aug-16 19:23:37

I thought I was going to get flamed on this one blush

Yes, DC1 might be the issue as they will be old enough to understand dates and might put it all together and get grumpy that DC2 is missing their birthday. Or that they are missing a holiday grin

I just also know lots of people on here would just take their DC with them to the wedding...

Farfromtheusual Thu 18-Aug-16 19:25:48

YANBU at all! Do it!! Your DC won't even know it's their birthday so won't be missing out on anything!

I don't get the big deal about 1st Birthdays and Christmas' anyway - they literally have no clue what is going on and I'd rather save the expense for when they are a older and will actually understand what is going on and appreciate it.

clicknclack Thu 18-Aug-16 19:26:06

Do the birthday beforehand so that DC1 will know that it has already been done and is not forgotten. Then Skype that morning and sing happy birthday. Most older siblings will be satisfied with that.

RipeningApples Thu 18-Aug-16 19:29:12

You can't take the baby and not DC1 so go without either. DC2 will have an extra special w/e before or after. You are lucky to have family to take the flak.

Anyway you don't need to make a decision yet.

BristolLFR Thu 18-Aug-16 19:30:53

Is DC1 old enough to know the actual date? As another person has said, just do the birthday before you go, pretend it's on that day and don't mention the actual date.

I wouldn't even mention it over Skype on the day, that would just confuse DC1.

Have a lovely time together!

Goingtobeawesome Thu 18-Aug-16 19:45:14

You can do the birthday cake anytime, you can't ask the bride to move the wedding

Wedding it is👰🏼

Sandsnake Thu 18-Aug-16 20:16:23

Do it! That's an order. Celebrate kiddo's birthday when you get home. Enjoy!wine

Wellywife Thu 18-Aug-16 21:51:44

Ha! If you decide to miss it keep it a secret forever!!

I missed DS's first birthday because I had to go to a work conference (about a bloody product we didn't even launch!). He's nearly 17 and still raises it when he wants to make the point that I favour DD as I was there for her first birthday. ( I don't favour either BTW!!).

Strokethefurrywall Thu 18-Aug-16 22:04:55

Do it do it do it. I would have no hesitation. Celebrate either the weekend before or the weekend after, they'll have no idea!

Go get yer party on!

MrsJoeyMaynard Thu 18-Aug-16 22:08:38

I would move the birthday celebration. A one year old won't notice or care.

RoughMagic Thu 18-Aug-16 22:16:41

I chose to attend the 2012 Olympics rather than celebrate my DSs first birthday on the actual date. We had a party the day after instead. Since he had no concept of birthdays at all, he neither noticed nor cared.

PurpleCrazyHorse Thu 18-Aug-16 22:23:09

We moved DS's 1st birthday last year to fit in better with plans. Our much older DD didn't really clock the date her brother was born anyway and we just told her we were celebrating his birthday on a different day this year a bit like DD's party being on a different day to her birthday.

I wouldn't therefore worry about DS1's reaction. Simple explanation needed and big up a stay with grandparents. This is what we did when DH, myself and 5wk old DS were at an event, but DD stayed with grandparents.

Enjoy some child free time at the wedding.

Oysterbabe Thu 18-Aug-16 22:39:54

I might have this completely wrong but DC2 hasn't been born yet? You might not even miss it, what if they're 2 weeks late?

SleepingInWindows Thu 18-Aug-16 22:41:49

They won't have a clue! Not for years yet.. Enjoy the wedding.

SalemSaberhagen Thu 18-Aug-16 22:45:34

I wouldn't do it, but you are certainly not unreasonable if you do it. DC2 won't know.

MrsMook Thu 18-Aug-16 22:49:29

DH missed a few of DS1's early birthdays. Unfortunately he tends to have events at head office that week each year. DS1 didn't notice.

Go and enjoy it.

(To add insult to injury, DS1 didn't get any Christmas presents from us for his first Christmas. In our defence, he was early and less than a week old grin He seems undamaged from it)

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