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To want to wait?

(15 Posts)
outdoorconcert Thu 18-Aug-16 09:25:59

I'm 23 and got married this spring. We've bought a house - haven't moved into it yet, but it should hopefully happen next month.

DH wants us to start trying for a baby straightaway but I want to wait and do other stuff first. He thinks I'm being unreasonable so I am here to find out if I am.

hazeimcgee Thu 18-Aug-16 09:29:18

It isn't really for anyone else to decide when hou should have a baby.

Did you previously talk about wheb to start trying? Have you both talked about your reasons for wabting to start now / wait? Have you got a tineline in mind?

It's not unreasonable to say this isn't the right time. Pregnancy can be stressful, tiring and a baby is of course a whole new ball game. Doing that when you don't want to is unreasonable

SuperHeroesForKids Thu 18-Aug-16 09:32:26

Was anything agreed or discussed before the wedding?

Elroya1 Thu 18-Aug-16 09:32:42

You can't be unreasonable when it comes such a thing.

outdoorconcert Thu 18-Aug-16 09:36:23

We both know we'd like children but I always thought it would be when I was about 30.

BigFatBollocks Thu 18-Aug-16 09:56:58

I would say enjoy ur new house n married life for a couple of years first. When kids come along everything changes.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Thu 18-Aug-16 09:59:05

Of course yanbu. Nobody else, including your fiancé / husband / partner / family members, gets to decide when you want to start ttc.

Missgraeme Thu 18-Aug-16 10:00:31

Maybe write a joint bucket list of things u both want to get done that wouldn't be so easy with a baby in tow?! When the list is all ticked off then get busy! blush

fgyw Thu 18-Aug-16 10:01:51

Only do this when you're 150% sure you're ready.

If hubby is so excited to get started - ask him to take a year off worktop look after the baby instead of you... ! (And that's just for starters) Might make him stop and think for a few years...

It's always better to wait to have kids. You do not want to have a baby and feel like your missing out on something you wished you had done. Babies do change things (no matter what people say).
I think you need to discuss this with DH and say that you don't want to have kids for so and so years

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Thu 18-Aug-16 10:07:53

Also remind him that unless you are fortunate enough to have someone who will do childcare for you free of charge, you will either not be going back to work after you've had the baby or else a portion of your salary will be going towards childcare. I was so excited to start ttc that I completely brushed this under the carpet. It's a big loss of earnings. Obviously it's worth it but something you both need to talk about. It's so easy for one or both people to get swept away in the excitement, but if one of you is reluctant then you need to think carefully about the practicalities.

Amelie10 Thu 18-Aug-16 10:19:30

Yanbu, what's the rush for him? You've just gotten married, bought a new home so take time out to enjoy all of that first. You still have plenty of time to have children, and there's so much to do before that.

myownprivateidaho Thu 18-Aug-16 10:25:50

Yanbu at all. Why on earth does he want to rush? It is also extremely worrying that he considers that you are being unreasonable. Both partners have to be on board with having kids, and particularly the woman since it's her body that will e carrying te child. Agree that it's much better to get sorted career-wise, and do all the fun youth stuff first. 30 is still considered very young as a mother where I am!

outdoorconcert Thu 18-Aug-16 12:42:48

Dh is older than me but I don't think this should matter much really?

ImYourMama Thu 18-Aug-16 12:59:34

I'm also 23 and recently married at 23 weeks pregnant. We decided to try for a baby as our mortgage is small, we've done all the holidays we wanted to do without kids and are happy to settle down and be 'home birds'. Only do what's right for you or you'll end up completely resenting each other

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