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To wonder if there's anything BT will do...

(37 Posts)
oaadc Thu 18-Aug-16 04:17:00

My mentally abusive ex left three months ago (at my request).

The more I pull away from him, the tighter he hangs onto any control he still has.

We have a 5 year old who has Autism. He loves his films and programmes on Netflix and Amazon. I'm kept sane by social media and music playlists etc.

Ex pays for broadband as his 'maintenance' because BT won't change anything. There's still 6 months left of the contract which is in his name.

Last night he text me to say I am 'so fucking selfish it makes him sick' because he hates the car I worked hard to buy. Nothing wrong with my little car at all - it's a control thing.

Get home, he's logged into the broadband and put controls on so that I can't use whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram, Netflix, YouTube, Amazon prime etc.

He claims our son 'doesn't need Internet access at his age'. I told him I would be phoning BT this morning. He has said that they won't do anything because he is 'more than happy with the service he is receiving'.

I've been nothing but civil and accommodating. I've not once bad mouthed him or made anything difficult for him.

My son has woken up (4 am) and is devastated that he can't watch his Wallace and Gromit. Don't get me wrong, he's not glued to the television / iPad but he absolutely loves his Wallace and Gromit.

If I phone BT today and explain what has happened, will they release me from the six months left over? I want as little to do with this prize idiot as I can now.

OlennasWimple Thu 18-Aug-16 04:20:46

As he's not resident there any longer, can't you ask them to stop the service and then get service in your own name?

You can access most programs through YouTube (either episodes or series)

oaadc Thu 18-Aug-16 04:25:12

We did try when he left but they claimed that there's nothing they can do because of the contract.

I can't get on YouTube. I'm surprised I'm able to get on Mumsnet actually!

He didn't say goodbye to our son when I picked him up last night because he was cross that I had driven there the way he says I must never drive there. Apparently it's too dangerous if I have our son in my 'shit car'. Which I didn't at the time.

Smurfit Thu 18-Aug-16 04:44:59

Doesn't sound right that he can have a contract over an address that isn't his... Get a new one, the new company disconnects the old one, he keeps paying for it/shifts the address/pays the cancellation fee.

Essentially they're saying that you could go get a contract over the address 4 blocks over and they couldn't do anything because 'yay unbreakable contract!!!' which is entirely ridiculous.

oaadc Thu 18-Aug-16 04:53:33

I'm just so fed up with his games. This is a great example of why I've ended things.

I'll give BT a shout this morning and see what they say.

LineyReborn Thu 18-Aug-16 04:54:41

Apply for child support formally through CMS, and use the money towards bills for things that benefit your child e.g. your own broadband account.

The broadband account in your Ex's name that he's choosing to dick about with is his problem, surely?

DoctorTwo Thu 18-Aug-16 04:56:08

If your ex and BT refuse to play ball get yourself a 4G dongle and a hard drive big enough to store all the Wallace and Gromit films.

oaadc Thu 18-Aug-16 05:00:55

I'm going to my Mum's this morning to use her broadband to download his films on Prime. He accidentally downloaded a Morph episode recently but it at least plays.

What it essentially boils down to is that he wants to make things as awkward as possible for me. Knowing that I'm part of special needs chats etc on whatsapp and social groups etc.

At least I have Mumsnet! smile

bigpaws Thu 18-Aug-16 05:43:16

Are you thinking of changing to a different service provider? If so, the new company will often pay to get you out of any contract.

Might make things easier to just swap and start a fresh?

If ex is the one with the contract can you explain to bt that he's moved out and get your own new one? Or is that not something you can afford?
If ex is liable for the contract then I assume he's also liable for any excess charges from BT for early cancellation.. Or is that too petty of me?

OliviaBenson Thu 18-Aug-16 05:50:41

Well done for leaving him OP.

Some providers will buy you out of old contracts. But you could simply get a different service, your ex would have to still pay for his contract, but that is nothing to do with you.

I'd ring BT and speak to someone as high up as you can get and explain about the abuse. Can you get advice from woman's aid?

And don't tell him what you are doing, just quietly get on with your life. How did he know you drove one particular way? Detach and keep convo to the bare minimum.

AGrinWithoutACat Thu 18-Aug-16 05:51:07

Do you have the BT account number? This is what BT uses to validate any requests to alter/cancel the accounts. He would be held to term and have to pay the remaining months but his control would be gone and you could get services in your own name with any company

If not make sure when you call you speak with the customer options team and explain as much as you can they will have dealt with this type of situation before

Wisewisewords Thu 18-Aug-16 06:04:56

I don't think bt will do anything if in his name. I suggest going to another provider as usually cheaper than bt. Plusnet are good (and owned by bt. Look at money saving expert website for phone and broadband packages. They sometimes have a code and link from their website to special offers. I did this recently with plusnet and it worked fine. (phone was in my name, broadband in my dh's. We've not split up I just wanted to swap for the cheap deal!) Plusnet send you a router and instructions, don't know about other companies. No problems apart from a few hours disruption on day of swap over, which you can choose.

Sounds like the sooner it is in your name the better. Good luck.

insancerre Thu 18-Aug-16 06:38:40

Go with another provider
Then it will be in your name
Shame if your ex has to pay BT till the end of the contract

LineyReborn Thu 18-Aug-16 06:46:35

He should be paying child support.

BewtySkoolDropowt Thu 18-Aug-16 06:54:31

I agree with others. If bt won't help, contact another telecoms provider and just start a new contract - don't try and transfer the old one, but explain that the person that has the old contact isn't there any more but the contract still has time to run. They arent likely to (they want your money) but if they suggest you use the existing one took it runs out just say you don't have full access to it, they don't need to know details.

Good luck op. And well done for getting away from him.

oaadc Thu 18-Aug-16 07:06:38

Thanks all

He knew I had driven the other way because he texted me to go and pick DS up a little earlier (DS was very tired). I was closer to that route at that point and got stuck behind a bus on a long country lane, making me a bit later than I should have been. He asked why I was late and I said I got stuck behind the bus on the such and such road.

He went crackers. He's has huge anxiety issues. He genuinely doesn't care that he's taken our son's films away. I've just had to tell him that it's 'broken'.

To think I was posting here three months ago, devastated about the break up!

Wisewisewords Thu 18-Aug-16 07:08:14

Not done a link before so hope this works. This is similar to the deal I got so ended up paying about £120 for a year's phone and broadband together.

HermioneJeanGranger Thu 18-Aug-16 08:24:59

Can you afford to get broadband with someone else? He's locked into the contract, but there's nothing to stop you ringing another provider and setting up a new account at your address.

And go to CMS and make him pay maintenance! He doesn't get to get out of supporting his child by "paying for broadband".

WigelsPigels Thu 18-Aug-16 08:35:43

I work for BT, as the account is his name there is probably not much to be done. Data protection issues.

You could start up another account with BT or someone else. All you need to do is get a new install with a socket and that has nothing to do with his connection. It does cost extra to get installed. Can't waive these charges.

You can reset the router password and change the settings back. You go through the journey forgotten password.

oaadc Thu 18-Aug-16 08:49:47

Unfortunately it's nothing to do with the router password. It's all to do with his BT account username and password.

He's just offered me £500 to get a different car.

hesterton Thu 18-Aug-16 08:55:15

Does he genuinely think your car isn't safe?

LittleBearPad Thu 18-Aug-16 08:57:05

Well he's an oddity isn't he. And very controlling. The car you drive, the route you take. Your tv habits.

Phone BT. Explain. They may help. Then if they don't help tell them you're moving to Virgin, Plusnet, Sky. Whatever. And I'd take his name off other bills too. You don't want a court summons because he hasn't paid the council tax.

oaadc Thu 18-Aug-16 09:21:31

His name is off everything bar this. I worked very hard and bought a Panda - it's not an old one, new MOT and my Dad is a mechanic - it's been serviced by him and it's in beautiful condition. It's cheap to run. I think it's a control thing. He keeps sending me videos of crash tests of pandas etc.

Wisewisewords Thu 18-Aug-16 09:33:27

Someone has said you need a new installation with extra charges? I didn't when I swapped phone line from bt to plusnet. Don't remember an installation charge and I don't think they asked me whose name account was in previously. Could be wrong though.

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