Advanced search

To want to tell her she's an ********

(17 Posts)
MissingSilence1 Wed 17-Aug-16 20:02:17

Long story short, I'm off sick from work with a nasty UTI and feeling rubbish. One of my best friends has also come down with something today and is probably going to be going off sick herself.

We both are in similar jobs with a lot of responsibility, but I'm happy to admit mine has less fallout if I'm off than hers does. Sure I have work to catch up on, but the impact of her being off sick is huge.

She rang me up before and basically told me how unfair this is and how it annoys her that I can just go off sick with no real repercussions. I listened to her talk about her job and dilemma of whether to go off - gave appropriate empathy etc, most of which was met with unappreciative comments like "I know all that already".

She asked how I was and I told her I'd had a temperature that afternoon and felt bad, to which she responded that it's weird to have one now when I've taken my first dose of antibiotics and then questioned how I'd taken it and why I even own a thermometer in the first place.

I always give her tons of support and sympathy - she was actually ill last week too (so she's already playing catch up at work from that) and I popped in and helped her out with a few things/took my laptop so she could access her work e-mails/checked on her via phone. Not claiming to be a hero here, I think that's normal behavior when your friend is ill.

Anyway, I feel really really annoyed by her complete thoughtlessness with regards to how I'm feeling and for her treating me like the enemy when I'm always there for her. I'm extremely tempted to tell her just what I think - but am I being totally unreasonable about the whole thing when we're both ill and probably sensitive/in bad moods??

Crunchymum Wed 17-Aug-16 20:08:02

She sounds like a cunt. Get rid.


LiviaDrusillaAugusta Wed 17-Aug-16 20:10:12

What the fuck is an ******?

You know you can swear on here, right?

Competitive illness is never a good thing to get into - you are both ill and need to step back from this, take a deep breath and see where you are when you both feel better.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Wed 17-Aug-16 20:10:53

flowers for you, I've never had a UTI but I understand they can be horrendous. Make sure you drink plenty of liquids and head straight back to the doctor if you start to feel pain in your back (kidneys).

However, being charitable, your friend is probably feeling awful and lashing out. Not nice, but if she's not normally a cow/competitive sufferer then grit your teeth, smile and say nothing.

DixieWishbone Wed 17-Aug-16 20:11:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EdmundCleverClogs Wed 17-Aug-16 20:11:11

What exactly do you want to call her? I don't understand language I'm afraid. Oh, and yes, yabu, she's obviously sick and stressed - you probably weren't the best person to let off steam to in hindsight (and didn't not mean it was ok for her to be rude). However, people get arsy when ill and have to work, real friends usually have more sympathy.

fuzzywuzzy Wed 17-Aug-16 20:12:06

Why are you working at all if you're sick? When I'm off sick I hand in my sick note and turn everything off till I go back.

Do that, concentrate on getting better, don't engage with your friend. Presumably the extra responsibility your friend has comes with extra benefits/pay. That's the trade off nothing to do with you. Her employer should have cover for her being off sick if they don't it's their look out.

MammaTJ Wed 17-Aug-16 20:13:59

Competitive illness, same as competitive tiredness, never works out well.

You are both feeling shit, both feeling guilty. You don't need to compete over who feel worst, who feels most guilty or anything else.

Just laugh and tell her this, that is what I would do!

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Wed 17-Aug-16 20:15:16

Call her out on it. I would say "I'm sorry you feel rubbish I really empathise but it's not a competition and I feel rubbish too."

I get a similar thing with my son and his gf doing the 'whose more tired' thing - "I'm so tired" "yeah but I've been at work all day and I'm so tired" "but you haven't had to walk two miles because the bus didn't come - I am SO tired" at this point I shout out "it's not a bloody competition!!!!"

QuiteLikely5 Wed 17-Aug-16 20:15:50

I think this seems rather petty from two grown ups!

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 17-Aug-16 20:17:32

Tell her she's a twat and talking to you like shit.

Do it and back yourself up with examples like you've explained here.

Badders123 Wed 17-Aug-16 20:24:17

My sister tried this last week
The "who has it worst" top trumps
I simply refuse to play.
That's really pissed on her chips 😀

MissingSilence1 Wed 17-Aug-16 20:31:52

I actually didn't know if I could swear or not on here - first post! I want to call her an asshole haha.

Thank you. You guys are right; she isn't very sympathetic anyway by her own admissions, and it is probably a case of being stressed / tired/ feeling sorry for herself. I won't take it personally (or call her an asshole). I said I'd phone her tomorrow so I'll just see how things are then.

EdmundCleverClogs - Not sure if I've read your comment right, are you saying I should have been sympathetic? I've been incredibly sympathetic to her - it's an ongoing joke how I'm the nice / giving dynamic in our friendship. I'm not disagreeing at all with how shit it is for her, which is why I was even more taken aback by the attitude she gave me. I don't ask or expect much from her to be blunt.

Fuzzywuzzy - We both work for the NHS and some of it is just your workload, so won't be picked up - meaning you go back to an absolute mess/more work than you had before you went off. However, I agree with you, if you're sick you're sick and no point going in. It'll all get sorted out eventually.

January87 Wed 17-Aug-16 20:32:20

Does she not have her own laptop to check her emails on?

Hassled Wed 17-Aug-16 20:34:43

She's not well and she's stressed - is it really worth the fight? I'd be tempted to just leave it. Or is this a tipping point after other shitty behaviour?

BabooshkaKate Wed 17-Aug-16 20:36:37

I'm an arsehole too when I'm ill. Very short tempered. If she's usually OK I'd ride this out and have a chat with her over drinks when you have both recovered.

GabsAlot Wed 17-Aug-16 22:38:58

this is like the four yorkshiremen sketch-im more worse off than you

just leave her be for a couple of days till u both feel better

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now