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AIBU to put sons board up

(222 Posts)
foxy6 Wed 17-Aug-16 15:46:30

hi all we have two grown up sons living at home, they are 20 and 19. when they started working we agreed to charge them £25 a week board. this wasn't based on what it costs to look after them or what we lost in tax credits but on what they earned. the oldest has a 0 hour contract and at first wasn't working much so was lucky to earn £100 a week. the other son had an apprenticeship at first so was earning just over £100. however the older son now works more and therefore earns more and the other son finished his apprenticeship and has a proper job, they both earn on average £200 a week. we have asked them to contribute more by upping their board to £40 a week. is this unreasonable? DS 1 is ok with it but DS2 informs me hes going to move out and live with a friend as hes not paying £40 a week to live in the house he grew up in.

BestZebbie Wed 17-Aug-16 15:48:36

YANBU except to see your son making arrangements to move out as a bad thing - if he is 19, moving out of the childhood home to live with a friend is an age-appropriate step.

monkeywithacowface Wed 17-Aug-16 15:49:46

Not unreasonable at all and please do let your youngest move out. If he can live elsewhere for less than £40 a week good luck to him!

hesterton Wed 17-Aug-16 15:50:09

I would love to see him thrive and have change from 40 quid out there. Let him go - a good life lesson.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 17-Aug-16 15:50:20

DS2 informs me hes going to move out and live with a friend as hes not paying £40 a week to live in the house he grew up in. Well they should be thinking about moving out so that's fine.

tofutti Wed 17-Aug-16 15:50:31

YANBU. Let him move out. He'll soon see how easy he had it at home!

£160pm is only 20% of their wage going on board and lodging. That leaves them with 80% of disposable income.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 17-Aug-16 15:52:05

Great, you get a new craft/dressing room grin

Sounds like he's being huffy. Just wish him well with a big smile.

x2boys Wed 17-Aug-16 15:52:09

if he can find some where for forty quid that covers his bed ,board and food bloody good luck to him.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 17-Aug-16 15:52:14

My DD 18, pays £200 P/M
That really only covers her car insurance/tax/etc... and phone contract.
She does give me a bit more when she can.

TroubleinDaFamily Wed 17-Aug-16 15:54:16

When he moves out please, please, start a thread and entertain us with his shock and horror at the real world. grin

Though I rather suspect his indignation will morph into humble pie after the first place he views.

Sparklesilverglitter Wed 17-Aug-16 15:54:47

Well I'd like to see your ds2 live out in the big world with rent, bills, food for £40 a week, but if he wants to try well he will learn a life lesson won't he.

Once you are an adult no longer in education you should have to contribute to the household even if you grew up in that house. You eat in the house, use gas/electric/water/internet on so on.

Yanbu

tibbawyrots Wed 17-Aug-16 15:55:41

So your son thinks he can get accommodation, all shopping and bills for less than £40 a week?

😂 Bless his naïveté!

foxy6 Wed 17-Aug-16 15:57:29

he seem to think that moving in with his mate is going to cost him less than £40 a week. considering thats all he pays. ive told him he will need to contribute to his friends rent, council tax, gas, electricity, water rates, etc. plus food. im not complaining about him moving out, i can have a craft room :D but asking for more board now they are earning more isnt to unreasonable. when they were in college i was getting tax credits to help support them and lost a lot more than i asked them for and have struggled the last year and half.

Eatthecake Wed 17-Aug-16 15:59:47

Yanbu

He really thinks he can move out and live like he does now for £40 a week? 😂 Bless him, what a shock he'll get when the real world kicks in

My eldest is 20 and away at uni but he comes back every holiday to live with us, while home he works in our friends bar 4 nights a week. He give us £40 a week towards our food shop while he is here because he eats like horse, me and dh don't need the money really but his an adult and I am afraid adults pay there way in this world

PhotosGinAndALongLieIn Wed 17-Aug-16 15:59:50

I paid my mum £30 a week from my £125 a week wage 18 years ago. YANBU and you should let him move out. In the meantime, if he won't pay the extra reduce what he gets for his £25. If you cook for him, stop. If you do his washing, stop. Change the wifi password etc.

Good luck to him.

Amelie10 Wed 17-Aug-16 16:04:05

When he moves out please, please, start a thread and entertain us with his shock and horror at the real world.

grinyes please update!

harderandharder2breathe Wed 17-Aug-16 17:21:55

Yanbu and I can't wait to hear about his amazing new home where £40 a week pays for everything!

LisaMed1 Wed 17-Aug-16 17:38:55

My mother's rule was one third of what you got in your hand. If I earned more, I paid more.

That still leaves plenty.

Does your son's pal know that he's moving in?

ollieplimsoles Wed 17-Aug-16 17:39:51

Going against the grain here, but I don't agree with dcs paying board money based on their earnings in their own home under any circumstance.

I was with dh (then dp) for 5 years before we managed to move out together, it was really hard work to go through university and save money working in jobs we hated, never seeing each other. All we wanted was a place of our own.

I got a job in a restaurant and hated it, but worked all hours to earn good money, while I ran my own business from the side. If my parents had decided to just raise my board because I could afford it, I would have been seriously upset, because our dream of having our own place would have been so much further away.
I contributed £60 a month- that paid for the broadband which I needed for my work. And I bought things like shower gels and food I had used for the whole family once it ran out.

I wouldn't be able to watch my DD work all hours and save every penny to get her independence and insist on taking some away from her each month so she 'learns how to budget', especially when we didn't need it, its daft.

I can understand if you have grown up dcs at home taking the piss, earning a good wage but not helping out around the house, making a mess, and using all the food and other things- I would insist a contribution there.

But charging dcs to live in their family home to teach them a lesson about life is stupid imo.

I would encourage your sons to put a bit away each week to save it, then they are in charge.

CremeEggThief Wed 17-Aug-16 17:41:26

YANBU. If my DS (13) wants to carry on living with me once he's finished school, he'll have to pay what I'll lose in tax credits and child benefit for him, which is currently approximately £80 per week.

Mycatsabastard Wed 17-Aug-16 17:41:41

Please tell me where I can move to somewhere that costs £40 a week for everything!!

Yanbu. Let him go. He will be back with his tail between his legs (and a mountain of dirty washing).

Squabblesallaround Wed 17-Aug-16 17:50:28

YANBU! I did a yt scheme at 16 and took home £120 a month - £60 of which I paid to my mum! She did give it all back to me when i moved out at 19 but I didn't know she was going to do this and didn't begrudge handing over half my income at the time!

OreosAreTasty Wed 17-Aug-16 17:58:16

It's not their own home though.
Yes it's their family home. But it isn't theirs. In their actual own home they'd need to pay rent/mortgage. Utilities.

OreosAreTasty Wed 17-Aug-16 18:02:32

Pressed post too soon.
Plus food, tv license, Internet, tv...
My monthly expenses are £900.
I can't get worked up over an adult paying £40pw in rent....
They still have 80pc of their disposable income to save as someone mentions above.
If you don't need the money and you want to help your DCs out put it into a savings account and when they move out/go to uni etc give them a lump sum. But don't tell them. Teach them how to budget and how to manage money.
Tell them why they need to pay rent and how much keeping them costs. How much they'll likely need to save to move out into a house share or their first home.

OreosAreTasty Wed 17-Aug-16 18:03:14

My Dh wasn't taught any of this and as such got himself into loads of debt and didn't know what council tax or tv license was when he left home confused laughable now of course but the world is a scary place if you have no idea wtf you're doing

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