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Splitting costs on hen do, AIBU?

(62 Posts)
AmIReadingThisCorrectly Wed 17-Aug-16 15:46:09

I have been invited to a hen do at the end of the year. It is 4 days (and 3 nights) of different activities and people have been told they can pick and choose what they want to do but most people are doing everything.
In order to accommodate all of the people coming from quite a way away, the organiser has booked accommodation for us all but has said that they realise that because of the days involved, they know that not everyone can stay for the full
3 nights. However they have asked that the costs for the accommodation are split equally between everyone whether we stay for 1,2 or 3 nights. My other problem is that the accommodation is quite rural and the town where all the hen do "events" are happening is actually much closer to my own house than the accommodation, meaning I'll also have to pay more to join in with the transport than if I stayed at mine and drove/got taxis to the events. I'm happy to suck that up in order to be able to stay with the others and join in with the atmosphere but due to work and childcare commitments, I can only stay 1 night and will need to drive/taxi for the rest. AIBU to say something about the fact I feel like I'm subsidising all of the other people staying for 3 nights? The price being charged is really, really good for 3 nights in this place but works out quite expensive for those who want to stay just for 1, altogether it's probably be the same amount as going abroad for a weekend! Not really been in this position before and wondered what other people thought...

happypoobum Wed 17-Aug-16 15:47:25

YANBU, I would ask to pay for the one night or just travel in from home.

AmIReadingThisCorrectly Wed 17-Aug-16 15:47:45

By the way the accommodation can be altered so that X number of rooms are booked on day 1, and Y number on day 2 etc but I think the organisers have booked the maximum number of rooms for the whole time.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 17-Aug-16 15:49:42

I would just travel from home if I were you, instead of subsidising others.

rollonthesummer Wed 17-Aug-16 15:50:51

I wouldn't stay at all. Whoever is organising it isn't being very fair.

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses Wed 17-Aug-16 15:51:40

I'd travel in, personally.

I experienced the same thing recently. My friends booked a weekend away and I couldn't go the first night as it was DP's birthday but they still wanted to charge me the 2 nights. I didn't go in the end and someone else stepped in, but I was grumpy about it for DAYS.

8angle Wed 17-Aug-16 15:53:20

Have they got the good rate because they have booked out all the rooms for the full amount of time?

You can certainly ask if it is possible to pay separately for just one night - i wouldn't be antagonistic about it and say you are subsidising others.

if the organisers say this is the only way it works then I am afraid I would go against the normal consensus on here and say that the organisers have done everything this way to make it work for the most people possible and a lot have had to come a long way. This is the deal if you want to attend the hen, if you don't like it then don't attend.

AmIReadingThisCorrectly Wed 17-Aug-16 16:00:36

8angle this is why I was asking on here, I really don't want to come across as being a troublemaker but have genuinely never been in this position before. The rate would certainly be cheaper if there were fewer rooms to pay for so I would imagine that the price for other people would stay the same if they only booked the rooms they needed. Speaking to some of the others who are also local and are going, (before we knew costs etc) we mostly said that we would probably do all the events but stay just the 1 night. So maybe the accommodation could be booked for 3 nights for some people and 1 night for others and we all pay accordingly. Obviously we are all subsidising the hen for 3 nights and I'm happy to do that even if I won't be there. It's working out at just over £100 for a bed for 1 night about 10 miles away from where I live whereas the others are getting 3 nights for that amount.

PotteringAlong Wed 17-Aug-16 16:02:13

Just travel from home; problem solved.

andintothefire Wed 17-Aug-16 16:06:08

Three nights is a bit excessive. I was recently happy to pay the same as everybody else on a hen do for a 2 night stay even though lots of people (including me) were only staying for 1 night. However I think it is a little bit cheeky to book for 3 nights for everybody when many people presumably won't be able to take time away from home or work for that long.

I would raise it with the organisers and see what they say. However, it is hard work organising these events and you don't want to be the person who creates issues by making everybody else take the same approach and cause any bad feeling! Personally I think they should work out the total number of nights (ie 5 people x 2 nights plus 3 people x 3 nights = 19 nights) then divide the total cost by the number of nights, and charge people for what they use. However if they say it is not possible to split costs that way I would let it go and either pay the full amount or not stay overnight.

8angle Wed 17-Aug-16 16:08:50

I don't think you come across as a trouble maker by asking - i think you do if you make a big fuss about it.

i know it is irritating that others are getting 3 nights and you are getting one for the same price (but they may be paying a lot more to get there, but if you can afford it (obviously i don't know if you can!) then you can use it as an option if your child care / work circumstances change.

It is a tricky situation and there is no right answer, sorry

andintothefire Wed 17-Aug-16 16:09:11

Or is an alternative approach for you to contact the organisers and say that if it is possible for you to stay one night, that would be lovely. However since you live so nearby you don't think you can justify paying £100 for only one night.. I can't see how that would cause trouble because it leaves them the option of either trying to book you 1 night or deciding not to rock the boat with other people.

YelloDraw Wed 17-Aug-16 16:12:11

Either stay and pay, or don't stay and don't pay.

Optimist1 Wed 17-Aug-16 16:13:06

For heaven's sake don't talk in terms of subsidising others - as PP has said, you'll come across badly.

If you want to stay one night, call the hotel and see if they have availability for you. Then get in touch with the organiser and say that you don't want to complicate matters but you'd be able to book one night independently of the main group and offer a donation towards the bride's accommodation.

If you don't really want to stay at the hotel at all, get in touch with the organiser and tell her that you won't need accommodation but would still like to participate in some events and contribute to the bride's hotel cost.

It is a complex matter sorting out events such as these where everyone's requirements are subtly different from everyone else's, so be understanding when talking to the organiser.

Somerville Wed 17-Aug-16 16:16:47

There are hen parties that last four days? shock

I couldn't be arsed with that, but if you can then you need to go along with the organisers' rules. If they hadn't already stated that 1 night would cost the same as 3, then you could ask. But they have, so you shouldn't.

AmIReadingThisCorrectly Wed 17-Aug-16 16:19:18

Of course I will be nice about it, I would love to stay and could afford it but it would be hard to justify paying that amount when I have a free bed so close by. So obviously I will ask in a really tactful way and if they really cannot split the costs any other way or decrease the accommodation on nights that aren't needed then I'll not stay. I do feel bad for the organiser as having looked into it, she has split the costs to the penny and has included everyone who is invited, meaning that for every person who doesn't take up the offer of accommodation, she'll be over £100 out of pocket unless she cancels some of the rooms for some of the nights. So everyone who is invited has to commit to the whole amount for her to break even. I know for a fact that there is about 5-6 of us in the same position so potentially that is a lot of money she stands to lose if she is unwilling to cancel some of the rooms.

Amelie10 Wed 17-Aug-16 16:22:11

Yanbu, I wouldn't want to pay for 3 nights when 1 will do fine. Just say you can't afford it and I doubt anyone will question you further.

AmIReadingThisCorrectly Wed 17-Aug-16 16:23:12

Somerville the wording was "we have found some accommodation. Obviously people's work and childcare commitments may limit whether they can come or not and how many nights they can stay. The total cost of the accommodation split per person is £xxx."
So I took that to mean we are all paying the same regardless of how many nights we stay.

8angle Wed 17-Aug-16 16:25:23

I think if the organiser is going to be on the hook for the cost of all the rooms not being used because she is unable to cancel then i would pay.

It's not fair on you and it is her fault for booking them all without first confirming, but i would be the bigger person for the sake of friendships and the hen party actually being enjoyable for everyone.

CatNip2 Wed 17-Aug-16 16:27:27

Your understanding is correct, but if you don't stay for any nights then you don't have anything to pay.

Lulooo Wed 17-Aug-16 16:36:38

...she'll be over £100 out of pocket unless she cancels some of the rooms for some of the nights.

Has she already booked the rooms? If so then she shouldn't have done it without confirming all are able to come. If not, then surely she can.just book the amount of rooms required and she won't be losing any money?

HarryPottersMagicWand Wed 17-Aug-16 16:39:52

The organiser is being ridiculous and shouldn't expect people who stay one night to pay the rate of those who are staying 3 nights. The accommodation should be broken down differently, with an amount per night, not per person.

I'd stay at home in your situation. How ridiculous to expect you to pay loads for 1 night when it's further away than your own home.

AmIReadingThisCorrectly Wed 17-Aug-16 16:41:18

They are provisionally booked but there is no option given of booking some rooms for the whole time and other rooms for 1/2 nights. So I theory they could be cancelled/amended but I wasn't sure if it would be OK to approach the organiser to do this...hence this thread! I realise it would be extra work to do this and didn't know how cheeky I'd be to ask for it. It could make the difference for quite a few of us so maybe I just need to grow a pair and speak up for the others and hopefully make it possible for lots more of us to join in with the fun rather than all splitting up to go back to separate places.

AmIReadingThisCorrectly Wed 17-Aug-16 16:42:16

Sorry - in theory

8angle Wed 17-Aug-16 16:44:06

I would do exactly as you have suggested, and then take things from there report back so we can all give our tuppence worth on the next stage


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