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Why do we think these people need support or are ill

(29 Posts)
pleasemothermay1 Tue 16-Aug-16 10:17:26

Thinking about responses by posters when a parent hurts or abuses there child

They they are ill or are in need of support is it that as parents our selfs we just can't accpect or get our head round that not all parents want the best for there children

And actually a lot of these people were often known to ss did have support often lied or manuliputed and rejected the support

Some parents are ill some parents just don't know any better but some parents are bad

It's like when women choose there toxic relationship over there children

They may be being controlled but this is not always the case I think it may just be for everyone else not being able to say they are being made to act like this is almost to awful to think they might want to stay with a pedofile
Rather than have there children .

ihatethecold Tue 16-Aug-16 10:20:08

ODFO and buy yourself a bloody dictionary!

sonlypuppyfat Tue 16-Aug-16 10:22:51

I've read it twice I still don't understand it

VladmirsPoutine Tue 16-Aug-16 10:25:45

What are you trying to say in a nutshell? And what is the AIBU?

Laiste Tue 16-Aug-16 10:27:51

I think i get what you are wondering.

Think about it though and you come to see that there is no diagnosis of 'just evil'. Put simply if a person is harming, not protecting or looking after their own child then you have to look for the underlying reason. Mainly with the hopes of stopping it carrying on and happening again i guess.

pleasemothermay1 Tue 16-Aug-16 10:28:50

That for some reason our default position when a parent hurts there child is that they are ill

Is it that we just can't get our heads round the fact some parents don't actually want the best for there children

pleasemothermay1 Tue 16-Aug-16 10:30:03

Sometimes there is no reason is it because there children we feel we just can't accpect people doing awful things for no aparant reason

pleasemothermay1 Tue 16-Aug-16 10:31:58

I think this is the case espically when a mother Hurts her child

It's like we just cannot conceive that a mother would do such a thing unless ill or made to by Somone

veryproudvolleyballmum Tue 16-Aug-16 10:33:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Laiste Tue 16-Aug-16 10:33:59

But that's exactly it - the reason may not be apparent ... until you look into it.

Are you saying you don't believe mental illness? Or are you saying that people with mental illness who have committed crimes shouldn't be treated?

pleasemothermay1 Tue 16-Aug-16 10:35:45

Oh I give up I don't have the words to articulate what I want to say I being miss understood again

I try but fail I am bowing out

practy Tue 16-Aug-16 10:37:40

Yes, sadly not all parents do want the best for their children.

AndNowItsSeven Tue 16-Aug-16 10:39:00


toadgirl Tue 16-Aug-16 10:42:06

And actually a lot of these people were often known to ss did have support often lied or manuliputed and rejected the support

That behaviour could, of course, be part of their illness.

toadgirl Tue 16-Aug-16 10:45:56

*It's like when women choose there toxic relationship over there children.
This is almost to awful to think they might want to stay with a pedofile*

I suspect women in these situations have a history of a toxic, abusive family of origin themselves. That's not to say children shouldn't be protected, but I don't think looking at how these issues come about or trying to understand the people involved is a bad thing. In fact, I would argue it's necessary in order to break the cycle.

Lweji Tue 16-Aug-16 10:47:48

Yes, some people just like to see others suffer and it's usually those that are most vulnerable or under their care who are the victims.

Yes, most people don't understand why some parents hurt THEIR children.
It's a huge biological drive for most people to protect THEIR children, but it does seem to fail for some.

The context in which parents hurt THEIR children is not of normality, thus.

Your post would lead to a huge discussion about evil.

I don't think people necessarily show sympathy for these mothers or fathers.
The question is whether such people can be helped or not, or just punished.

And this is TAAT, isn't it?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 Tue 16-Aug-16 10:50:44

I think if you start one thread and don't like some of the responses then the right thing to do is discuss it on that thread - not start another one.

veryproudvolleyballmum Tue 16-Aug-16 10:53:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

practy Tue 16-Aug-16 11:00:48

There are cases of mothers and fathers torturing children over many years. A tiny number of people are sadistic and enjoy other peoples pain. Sadly some of these people have children.

MissMargie Tue 16-Aug-16 11:05:37

I don't think this. ie not 'everyone'

I think 'what happened in their childhood?' to make them like this.

I don't think that excuses them. But can go toward explaining it. And it can help to negate feelings the victim might have of 'I deserve this', or
what's wrong with me' or 'why do they hate me?'. It's not the victim it's the perpetrator who is damaged. Though the victim might end up damaged too if abused.

MissHooliesCardigan Tue 16-Aug-16 11:10:56

I do wish people wouldn't equate mental illness with being violent and abusing children. If somebody hurts a child and claims mental illness as a mitigating factor, they will be examined by at least one forensic psychiatrist who will decide if they are mentally ill or not. The way that any mental illness is diagnosed is that there is a list of symptoms and you have to have a certain number to reach the threshold for being diagnosed with that illness. For most mental illnesses, there are several 'clusters' and you would need to have a certain number from each cluster to get a diagnosis.For depression, the number of symptoms you have determines whether it is classified as mild, moderate or severe. It's not an exact science and psychiatrists do get it wrong but, the majority of the time, they get it right.
I worked with a psychiatrist who had a relapse of her Bi-Polar Disorder after the birth of her baby. She heard the voice of Jesus telling her that the baby needed to go back to heaven and set herself and the baby on fire as she wanted to go to heaven with her. The baby died but the mum lived for a couple of weeks in a coma. If she had survived (and I'm glad she didn't), she would have been treated with total sympathy by the courts and her illness would have been treated. I also had a patient who had a diagnosis of schizophrenia who used to beat her children with belts. Her mental illness had nothing to do with her behaviour - she was examined and found to be mentally well at the time she did this and her children were removed.
For most parents, hurting or killing your children is so unimaginable that i can understand the school of thought that anyone who does this has to be 'mad'. Unfortunately, I believe that there are people who are just, for want of a better word, evil. You can argue about what makes them that way but it doesn't help to say that they have to be mentally ill to behave in that way.
'Understanding' has different meanings. I think it's a good thing to try to understand as in 'comprehend' why people do these things. That isn't the same thing as understanding as in 'empathising' .

practy Tue 16-Aug-16 11:13:09

Some of the worst serial killers have had very ordinary childhoods, whilst some people have horrific childhoods and go on to be great adults. It is not straight forward.

missbishi Tue 16-Aug-16 11:26:58

If she had survived (and I'm glad she didn't)


MissHooliesCardigan Tue 16-Aug-16 11:34:25

missbishi What's the biscuit for? If she'd survived, she would have had to live with the fact that she killed the baby she spent 9 years and 4 rounds of IVF conceiving. If that was me, I would much prefer not to wake up.

Arfarfanarf Tue 16-Aug-16 11:47:43

I think people want to believe that there is a reason someone would hurt, abuse, neglect their child that means it is not their fault and something has happened beyond their control that has caused the behaviour.

I think people dont like to think that (and therefore refuse to accept the possibility that) actually some people just hurt their kids because they can/want to/are selfish/ dont care and there is no huge trauma or other factor. They just do it.

I think it is because the thought that a parent would just choose to do terrible things to their child because they want to is so horrific that people can't accept it. So they look for the reason. The thing that makes sense to them. Because parent hurts child doesnt.

I think it's a natural human reaction tbh.

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