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To have asked my neighbours to keep the noise down?

(13 Posts)
Imaginosity Tue 16-Aug-16 02:35:08

Ok. I feel quite anxious right now as I'm really not good with confrontation of any kind. I'm quiet and not very brave.

I also get very anxious about noise from neighbours. I don't mind normal day to day living noise but I get very on edge if I feel people are being very inconsiderate like playing music really, really loudly. It's about the unpredictable noise that I have no control over coming into my home where I'm meant to be safe. What makes me feel anxious is the feeling that the person could not care less about the effect in their neighbours.

We've been living in this house for 3 years now with no issues. Neighbours at one side have very occasional parties, like once or twice a year but they call in to us the day before to let us know and say we're welcome to call in for a drink. They don't play loud music at the parties, it's just lots of voices, and because they've pre- warned me it feels considerate so I've no problem with it.

New neighbours on the other side are a group of young men in their 20s. They seem nice but are just at a different stage in life to the rest of the people here who either have young families or are older people.

They moved in two weeks ago. They woke me the first week with noise from 5am to 7am. They'd obviously been out at a nightclub and come back drunk. They were smoking in the back garden and talking very loud, as you do when you're drunk, and laughing and calling each other loudly. I said nothing as I thought it's a one-off, maybe a house warming. Even though I felt very anxious about it I tried to tell myself it wouldn't be an issue even if it happened once every few weeks and was confined to the weekends.

Tonight I was asleep at 2am, I'm due to be up at 6am for work on Tuesday morning. Again, they must have come back from being out somewhere. They were out the back garden laughing and talking very loudly. I waited 20 mins feeling annoyed as its a Monday night. Then I got up up, popped my head over the wall and asked them really nicely and aplogetically if they could keep their voices now a bit as they were after waking us up. They were really apologetic and went into their house and there's been silence now which I'm very glad off.

I'm just worried if I've done the right thing. Are other people more relaxed about noise like this on a week night. I have two small children and although they slept through I'm worried about them waking up and being scared.
Should I have waited until there was a few more incidents or tried to nip it in the bud now.

I'm also worried they'll do this another night and I'll have to go out again and I'll be the hated complaining neighbour.

RonaldMcDonald Tue 16-Aug-16 02:44:01

Sounds like you handled yourself and the situation perfectly.
Have you considered getting help for anxiety? It might make you feel more secure too

SilverDragonfly1 Tue 16-Aug-16 07:32:00

You did the right thing. Very brave too! Even for people who are not normally anxious, that kind of situation is very stressful. It would be far worse to leave it, because then they would have come to think of it as perfectly fine behaviour and perceived you 'suddenly' complaining about it as unreasonable.

It sounds as though you were very civil anyway, and I really doubt you will be seen as the moaning neighbour even if you do need to mention it again. As long as you're friendly and approachable when they're not being drunk and thoughtless, the odd scolding won't upset them- at that age they're still a bit susceptible to mum-style handling grin

Despite also being a very shy and anxious person at times, I spoke to our next door but one neighbours a couple of years ago after they'd had a couple of late ones in quick succession and kept our newly employed son awake on work nights. Turned out they were perfectly nice people who hadn't realised their large, minimalist living room with french doors into the garden was acting like a huge speaker and amplifying normal noise levels. Not been a problem since and when they do have an occasional party it doesn't bother me because I know they're not being selfish or horrible, just living normal lives.

SilverDragonfly1 Tue 16-Aug-16 07:33:17

Also, your other neighbours really love you right now, guaranteed!

CoraPirbright Tue 16-Aug-16 07:52:47

It sounds like you handled it perfectly and I am so glad for you that they seemed receptive to your request, apologised and went inside. Goodness knows on mn how many times I have read of the same situ when the OP gets an sweary tirade in response to a polite request!

Have you tried getting any help for your anxiety? It must be awful to live with such worry. I know nothing about anxiety in the medical sense but could your GP do something? Like cognitive therapy or some such?

Imaginosity Tue 16-Aug-16 14:18:24

Ok thanks. I hate the awkward feeling today if I see them and the worry they'll be noisy again. I keep thinking what if they're noisy again and I have to go out again, or complain to the landlord or take things further.

I'm really tired today in work as when they woke me at 2am I wasn't able to fall back asleep until about 4.30 even though they went quiet after I spoke to them at about 2.20. My alarm went off at 6am. They were probably fast asleep, and it was nice and quiet for them, while I went to work exhausted.

I'm going to leave work an hour early today as I'm really tired but it just seems unfair I have to do this just because some people didn't think or care.

SilverDragonfly1 Tue 16-Aug-16 15:11:14

Take it to its logical conclusion. What if you do have to complain again? Worst case scenario, they tell you to sod off and carry on. That will be upsetting, but not the end of the world. If you have to go to the police, worst case scenario is no change (unlikely though!). If you have to speak to the landlord, worst case is that they aren't evicted before the official end of the tenancy. All of that is horrible and stressful, but you can live through it and still have a good quality of life with adjustments like earplugs or mild sleeping pills.

That comes across a bit dismissive written down, but it isn't meant that way at all. Anxiety is a nasty condition because it makes you worry so much about things that it becomes all consuming. It's important to try and follow your thoughts to a rational conclusion (another few months of occasional noise and nasty looks at worst) rather than the less rational one in which your life is utterly miserable and ruined forever. Yes, I am very much speaking from experience here- now on anti-depressants for life, but previously reduced to actual nervous breakdown by a noisy neighbour!

DeadGood Tue 16-Aug-16 16:00:43

Lots of good support on here.

OP, your nervousness and worry comes across quite strongly in your post. How are you feeling in general, are you receiving support for your anxiety?

Sounds like you did just the right thing flowers

ProudAS Tue 16-Aug-16 20:43:57

I totally sympathise OP.

incogKNEEto Tue 16-Aug-16 22:34:42

I think you handled it very well, especially if you were feeling anxious smile l completely sympathise as l feel exactly the same way about my home being my sanctuary. I wish my neighbours were as considerate as you! I agree with past posters, the fact that they apologised and went inside and were quiet after you spoke to them, makes it seem likely that they were just unthinking rather than deliberately being loud, and hopefully that will be and end to it smile.

TheRealKimmySchmidt63 Tue 16-Aug-16 23:17:00

You handled it well

ellanutella8 Tue 16-Aug-16 23:23:01

"My alarm went off at 6am. They were probably fast asleep, and it was nice and quiet for them, while I went to work exhausted.

I'm going to leave work an hour early today as I'm really tired but it just seems unfair I have to do this just because some people didn't think or care."

Unfortunately op this is life and you cannot control other people's actions. The way you write this comes across as though you think they are deliberately vindictive and you are being terrorised in your home, you are not.

However I can understand that anxiety makes it seem this way. Well done for facing your fear and talking to them, they responded positively which is great.

PavlovianLunge Tue 16-Aug-16 23:23:14

I think you handled it very well; they were behaving unreasonably, but accepted it when you pointed it out, and stopped. You can still be friendly/neighbourly with them, but you've put down a (perfectly reasonable) marker, which will hopefully prevent a repeat.

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