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AIBU?

Am I a mean aunt?!

29 replies

user1471290485 · 15/08/2016 21:05

First post, no idea how to change my username to something a little more inspired.

I had a baby girl (first baby) 2 weeks ago. We live 50 mins from PIL's who usually show no real interest in us (if we never made the effort to visit, we'd never see them). When they come, they always bring their granddaughter and grandson (DH's brothers kids). She is 8 and a lovely girl but very confident. Pils phoned us a week ago to say that they would like to see us (of course I'm happy to have them over). This is the second time they've seen baby having first visited when she was 4 days old. We made an arrangement for them to visit today. This morning, they phoned to say they'd be staying the night but have brought bedding with them. Apparently "it's fun for the kids". Quite! I was v Hmm about this but ultimately it's not the end of the world and only one night. The minute they arrived the eldest spilt a carton of Ribena that she'd brought in all over the cream carpet. Fine, accidents happen. Pils totally oblivious to the absolute racket the kids were making and the fact that the eldest constantly tries to pick up my baby. I told her nicely not too but mil undermines me by saying its fine. Hmm this has been happening all day and I am at my wits end!!!

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RosieandJim89 · 15/08/2016 21:07

Must be bedtime!
I hope you have an appointment or meeting arranged for first thing tomorrow so you can kick them out!

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MillionToOneChances · 15/08/2016 21:07

You're not a mean aunt, it's not fine for your niece to pick up your two-week old when you've told her not to, and wouldn't it be nice once in a while if they came without the children?!

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user1471290485 · 15/08/2016 21:08

They've suggested a walk! Shock

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WindPowerRanger · 15/08/2016 21:09

Tell your MIL directly that you don't want the 8 year old picking up the baby.
Make it clear to the 8 year old that she can't (though I would let her have sitting down cuddles under supervision).
In fact, it's your house so just discipline the kids yourself without waiting for your MIL to do it.

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user1471290485 · 15/08/2016 21:09

Million, this is exactly how I secretly feel. I am the least self indulgent person but all the attention has been on the other grand kids. I had to sit through a singing/guitar performance for nearly an hour by FIL and eldest granddaughter Hmm

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SaucyJack · 15/08/2016 21:10

It's your PILs that are the problem.

Your niece does sound on the annoying side, but when all's said and done she's only 8. It's the adults who aren't supervising her, or are telling her it's OK to do X, Y or Z that you should be directing your irritation at.

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pegomassive1 · 15/08/2016 21:11

Still going on now!! Yanbu if yes.

Firmly state that you will determine how where and when people hold the baby. If niece is nicely sat on couch and comfortable with cushions then she may hold baby for 10 mins. Then baby needs a break.
Ribena... nightmare. My cream carpets are RUINED due to spills so I bought a few of those jam jar style cups with the lids and straws and my lovely niece and nephew must only drink from now.
Stand your ground a bit more "it's too noisy in here" baby needs settling etc... then firmly tell PIL that the children need to calm down a bit or go out to garden.

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user1471290485 · 15/08/2016 21:11

Saucy jack you're right. Slight typo, she's 9 nearly 10 and mil says "I was babysitting my sister at that age. Kill me now.

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Imnotaslimjim · 15/08/2016 21:12

2 weeks post partum and they've foisted this on you? A walk sounds wonderful.......for them so they're out of your hair!!

Even if your niece was old enough/big enough to be picking up baby, you're the mum and if you've said leave baby alone, they leave baby alone! My inner tigress would be stirring with that one.

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/08/2016 21:13

Who invited themselves to stay with brand new parents?!

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user1471290485 · 15/08/2016 21:14

Testing - mil was apparently redecorating the house a week after having DH so 2 weeks postpartum is a piece of cake clearly

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BastardGoDarkly · 15/08/2016 21:15

Say... oh a walk sounds lovely! I'll jump in the bath with the baby, see you when you get back!

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Lilaclily · 15/08/2016 21:20

Where is your partner in all of this ?

Tell hime to tell his parents to wind their necks in

Also tell him to tell his brother to stop getting their parents to babysit at the same time their seeing their other grandchild

The whole family dynamic sounds exhausting !

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Lilaclily · 15/08/2016 21:20

Sorry for typos !

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user1471290485 · 15/08/2016 21:45

It is exhausting! To be fair my DH has been great and has said that they need to quieten down. They're still up at nearly 10pm! Pils still talking like it's going out of fashion and treating it like a social occasion

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HarryPottersMagicWand · 15/08/2016 21:45

What! Ask them what time they are leafingers you are finding it all a bit exhausting having so many visitors. How bloody rude of them to invite themselves to sleep and bring children with them!

Tell them firmly "no, the children are NOT to pick up my baby" and repeat until they get the message. Your baby, your rules.

Where is your DH/P in all this?!

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HarryPottersMagicWand · 15/08/2016 21:46

Leaving not leafingers!

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Heidi42 · 15/08/2016 21:49

this sounds awful I am sorry op can you put the baby to bed with the monitor on ? I wouldn't trust a 9 year old with a 2 week old baby

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SlightlyperturbedOwl · 15/08/2016 21:51

I used to just go off up to bed very early and feed the baby happily reading a book. DH would bring regular cups of tea. In the night makes sure the baby wakes everyone up by carrying them through the house when they cry, then you and DH go into your room and shut the door. Your PILs will stop wanting to bring children to stay the night if they end up trying to get them back to bed half the night. Babies cry in the night, not a thing you can do about it Grin

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bleedingnora · 15/08/2016 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1471290485 · 15/08/2016 22:05

Thanks everyone. Believe it or not, FIL nipped out earlier to buy a paper to show DH something and brought bacon back with him. I don't want the house stinking of bacon!!!!!

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Wdigin2this · 15/08/2016 22:30

Oh dear, why are some MIL's so unreasonable! I am one myself, and when my granddaughter was born, we only visited when invited, and never stayed long! Tell your DH, that your having an early night with the baby....and tell him to keep everyone quiet! And DON'T come down in the morning until they're gone!

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amidestinedtobechubbyforlife · 15/08/2016 22:33

I'd be fucking off to bed with the baby and not getting up until they've left, and when they ask why say you are so exhausted from the whole day. Why are some people such dicks!

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MillionToOneChances · 15/08/2016 23:54

I had to sit through a singing/guitar performance for nearly an hour by FIL and eldest granddaughter

Shock

I hope you managed to escape to bed at a reasonable hour and won't have to see them again for ages.

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trafalgargal · 16/08/2016 06:28

I think I'd be deciding it was worth the effort every six weeks or so to go visit them at theirs if it'd keep them out of my home (and have a prepared list of excuses for why they can't come to yours)

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