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Am I a mean aunt?!

(30 Posts)
user1471290485 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:05:07

First post, no idea how to change my username to something a little more inspired.

I had a baby girl (first baby) 2 weeks ago. We live 50 mins from PIL's who usually show no real interest in us (if we never made the effort to visit, we'd never see them). When they come, they always bring their granddaughter and grandson (DH's brothers kids). She is 8 and a lovely girl but very confident. Pils phoned us a week ago to say that they would like to see us (of course I'm happy to have them over). This is the second time they've seen baby having first visited when she was 4 days old. We made an arrangement for them to visit today. This morning, they phoned to say they'd be staying the night but have brought bedding with them. Apparently "it's fun for the kids". Quite! I was v hmm about this but ultimately it's not the end of the world and only one night. The minute they arrived the eldest spilt a carton of Ribena that she'd brought in all over the cream carpet. Fine, accidents happen. Pils totally oblivious to the absolute racket the kids were making and the fact that the eldest constantly tries to pick up my baby. I told her nicely not too but mil undermines me by saying its fine. hmm this has been happening all day and I am at my wits end!!!

RosieandJim89 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:07:21

Must be bedtime!
I hope you have an appointment or meeting arranged for first thing tomorrow so you can kick them out!

MillionToOneChances Mon 15-Aug-16 21:07:43

You're not a mean aunt, it's not fine for your niece to pick up your two-week old when you've told her not to, and wouldn't it be nice once in a while if they came without the children?!

user1471290485 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:08:04

They've suggested a walk! shock

WindPowerRanger Mon 15-Aug-16 21:09:13

Tell your MIL directly that you don't want the 8 year old picking up the baby.
Make it clear to the 8 year old that she can't (though I would let her have sitting down cuddles under supervision).
In fact, it's your house so just discipline the kids yourself without waiting for your MIL to do it.

user1471290485 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:09:58

Million, this is exactly how I secretly feel. I am the least self indulgent person but all the attention has been on the other grand kids. I had to sit through a singing/guitar performance for nearly an hour by FIL and eldest granddaughter hmm

SaucyJack Mon 15-Aug-16 21:10:46

It's your PILs that are the problem.

Your niece does sound on the annoying side, but when all's said and done she's only 8. It's the adults who aren't supervising her, or are telling her it's OK to do X, Y or Z that you should be directing your irritation at.

pegomassive1 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:11:54

Still going on now!! Yanbu if yes.

Firmly state that you will determine how where and when people hold the baby. If niece is nicely sat on couch and comfortable with cushions then she may hold baby for 10 mins. Then baby needs a break.
Ribena... nightmare. My cream carpets are RUINED due to spills so I bought a few of those jam jar style cups with the lids and straws and my lovely niece and nephew must only drink from now.
Stand your ground a bit more "it's too noisy in here" baby needs settling etc... then firmly tell PIL that the children need to calm down a bit or go out to garden.

user1471290485 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:11:56

Saucy jack you're right. Slight typo, she's 9 nearly 10 and mil says "I was babysitting my sister at that age. Kill me now.

Imnotaslimjim Mon 15-Aug-16 21:12:43

2 weeks post partum and they've foisted this on you? A walk sounds wonderful.......for them so they're out of your hair!!

Even if your niece was old enough/big enough to be picking up baby, you're the mum and if you've said leave baby alone, they leave baby alone! My inner tigress would be stirring with that one.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 15-Aug-16 21:13:32

Who invited themselves to stay with brand new parents?!

user1471290485 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:14:38

Testing - mil was apparently redecorating the house a week after having DH so 2 weeks postpartum is a piece of cake clearly

BastardGoDarkly Mon 15-Aug-16 21:15:07

Say... oh a walk sounds lovely! I'll jump in the bath with the baby, see you when you get back!

Lilaclily Mon 15-Aug-16 21:20:11

Where is your partner in all of this ?

Tell hime to tell his parents to wind their necks in

Also tell him to tell his brother to stop getting their parents to babysit at the same time their seeing their other grandchild

The whole family dynamic sounds exhausting !

Lilaclily Mon 15-Aug-16 21:20:49

Sorry for typos !

user1471290485 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:45:20

It is exhausting! To be fair my DH has been great and has said that they need to quieten down. They're still up at nearly 10pm! Pils still talking like it's going out of fashion and treating it like a social occasion

HarryPottersMagicWand Mon 15-Aug-16 21:45:50

What! Ask them what time they are leafingers you are finding it all a bit exhausting having so many visitors. How bloody rude of them to invite themselves to sleep and bring children with them!

Tell them firmly "no, the children are NOT to pick up my baby" and repeat until they get the message. Your baby, your rules.

Where is your DH/P in all this?!

HarryPottersMagicWand Mon 15-Aug-16 21:46:33

Leaving not leafingers!

Heidi42 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:49:38

this sounds awful I am sorry op can you put the baby to bed with the monitor on ? I wouldn't trust a 9 year old with a 2 week old baby

SlightlyperturbedOwl Mon 15-Aug-16 21:51:41

I used to just go off up to bed very early and feed the baby happily reading a book. DH would bring regular cups of tea. In the night makes sure the baby wakes everyone up by carrying them through the house when they cry, then you and DH go into your room and shut the door. Your PILs will stop wanting to bring children to stay the night if they end up trying to get them back to bed half the night. Babies cry in the night, not a thing you can do about it grin

bleedingnora Mon 15-Aug-16 21:58:54

Omg I'd be bride myself if I were you- you sound amazing OP.

Two weeks in with both mine I could hardly stand visits of longer than an hour before I was desperate for peace and quiet again.

I actually think although you sound a diamond, someone (yes her DH I mean you) should have said no, sorry, we have a newborn and are knackered and whilst a short daytime visit would be lovely we really aren't up to having visitors overnight and definitely not two young children

This needs to stop now
Go to bed and take the baby with you
Tell DH to be firm and clear that they need to get the other kids to bed, make them be bloody quiet and then leave you be in the morning and get themselves gone.

Promise me you won't start making everyone breakfast?
Stay in bed with the baby, send a message downstairs that you had a horrific night with the baby and both of you are sleeping

DH can bring you up a cuppa and your in laws can leave and buy the niece and nephew breakfast on their way home

if they choose not to have any respect at all for how shattered you must be then they aren't welcome.

Cheek of them.

user1471290485 Mon 15-Aug-16 22:05:16

Thanks everyone. Believe it or not, FIL nipped out earlier to buy a paper to show DH something and brought bacon back with him. I don't want the house stinking of bacon!!!!!

Wdigin2this Mon 15-Aug-16 22:30:03

Oh dear, why are some MIL's so unreasonable! I am one myself, and when my granddaughter was born, we only visited when invited, and never stayed long! Tell your DH, that your having an early night with the baby....and tell him to keep everyone quiet! And DON'T come down in the morning until they're gone!

amidestinedtobechubbyforlife Mon 15-Aug-16 22:33:18

I'd be fucking off to bed with the baby and not getting up until they've left, and when they ask why say you are so exhausted from the whole day. Why are some people such dicks!

MillionToOneChances Mon 15-Aug-16 23:54:53

I had to sit through a singing/guitar performance for nearly an hour by FIL and eldest granddaughter


I hope you managed to escape to bed at a reasonable hour and won't have to see them again for ages.

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