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Aibu to find this "friendship" a bit odd?

(28 Posts)
Rainbowunicorn73 Mon 15-Aug-16 20:39:03

I have a 4 year old boy and my next door neighbour has a 5 year old girl. At the moment both children are in the garden a lot of the time. They get on really well but basically only have a friendship based on shouting through holes in the face or jumping on the trampoline at the same time and having a conversation when they can see each other over the fence (7 foot fence)
Several times when they're doing this I've tried to invite the girl round to play and so has my little boy.
We knock on the front door or shout invites through the fence but they always pretend not to notice, forget, don't hear the invite etc etc.
We went to the girl's birthday party this year and they played well (he was the only other child there) all went well and he behaved himself.
The parents are friendly when we meet on the shared driveway.
What do you think, I don't want to bombard them with unwelcome invites, we do have plenty of friends but it just seems to odd the two of them calling through the fence when they could be playing together properly.
What do you think?

Arfarfanarf Mon 15-Aug-16 20:43:35

I think they dont want any more than there is at the moment.
I'd take the hint and stop shouting invites through the fence and knocking on the door.
Some people will think theyre odd, some will think you need to dial it down a bit, some will think a bit of both but at the end of the day you really have no choice but to accept that for whatever reason they dont want to accept your offers and just leave it at that.

TheWitTank Mon 15-Aug-16 20:49:23

I would stop asking. My old neighbours were like you and it was a pain in the arse. They were lovely, but I didn't want my children round at theirs all the time as I often had loads to do and liked my privacy. The shouted invites often caused screaming and upset when I said no (annoying when I was planning on going out in half an hour). I probably sound miserable, but I don't mind a planned out invite, the shouting over the fence would piss me off

pineapplecrush Mon 15-Aug-16 20:52:19

Some children aren't comfortable to be in others houses at that age either, my neighbour/friend's daughter was like this, I invited her over from across the road and within a few minutes she wanted to go home. I wouldn't ask again and let them do any asking. It does sound if they want to keep things from developing any further at the moment.

SaucyJack Mon 15-Aug-16 20:53:32

They probably just don't want to get into one of those neighbourhood thingys where you're living in each other's pockets all the time.

It isn't odd. Just let it go.

(Or it's that they smelt that spliff you had at NYE with your mate, and they don't really want their kid going round to yours without them).

Rainbowunicorn73 Mon 15-Aug-16 20:54:30

Yes fair enough if they don't want to play, we don't shout/knock loads though probably 4 or 5 times in total. Just feels strange that they've lived next door to each other all their lives and only ever played together face to face once confused
Well, my ds has 2 friends coming tomorrow and asked the girl if she wanted to come so we'll see.
After that, I'll take the advice and not invite any more. Thanks smile

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 15-Aug-16 20:55:35

I don't do friendships with my neighbours. I've fallen into that trap before and it's exhausting.

Now I exchange pleasantries with my neighbours but nothing more.

It does sound a bit full on tbh.

YabuDabbaDoo Mon 15-Aug-16 20:59:55

I used to have a neighbour whose child was always shouting over the fence/knocking on the door asking or inviting to play. Drove me and my eldest nuts.

Eventually her mum started doing that thing of letting herself into my house and just shouting "Woo-hoo!" as she crossed the threshold (usually when I was using the loo with the door open to keep an ear on the toddler)hmm

I moved to another county grin

Rainbowunicorn73 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:07:18

4 or 5 invites in the last couple of years is full on?? hmm
A spliff at NYE gringrin I wish!!!

Ok well thank for the advice, will stop inviting her over.

BastardGoDarkly Mon 15-Aug-16 21:09:46

It is a shame Rainbow I know the feeling, but I guess they've got their reasons?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Mon 15-Aug-16 21:10:05

If they are deliberately ignoring/avoiding you it is a bit.

Hope your ds has a lovely time with his friends tomorrow.

Rainbowunicorn73 Mon 15-Aug-16 21:11:23

Thanks smile
He will, I might not..... First "play date" without mum in attendance shock

bostonkremekrazy Mon 15-Aug-16 21:19:13

my dc has the same friendship with next doors LO. They have played at each others house just 1 time....with us mums in tow (they are only 3)
I said when nursery finished for summer, oh we must get the kids together for an afternoon - polite smiling and nodding....but nothing they are still just flinging toys at each other over the hedge - through the hedge etc....
hey ho
if i peg the washing out mum shouts hello too - over the 6 ft hedge!

HarryPottersMagicWand Mon 15-Aug-16 21:19:50

I thought you were my neighbour for a second!

They do this. I don't want to start something as I know as soon as I do it, I'll have to carry it on because our neighbour's child is extreme persistant and recently threw a tantrum at me when I said they couldn't come in, and I'm not particularly well although you can't tell and I value my space and peace and quiet (as much as you can with children), I don't do play dates often because I don't really like other children around. They are getting on my nerves as they really aren't taking the hint so please make sure you do! Problem is I was going out so had an excuse a reason for saying no and neighbour told their child, not to worry, you can go in another time! Not particularly happy about that.

Ginkypig Mon 15-Aug-16 21:22:10

It might be as simple as they don't want to open the prospect of the adults becoming friends or and Iv nothing against my neighbours but the idea that I'm stuck chatting or having coffee regularly with them because litte Johnny/Jenny wants to play would be awful.

So would the thought of regularly having the extra child round all the time.

The idea of a gate for them to play in the garden together with social input from me would be ok grin

YabuDabbaDoo Mon 15-Aug-16 21:22:22

I think 4 or 5 invites in the last couple of years sounds fine. All the same, save your energy and let them make overtures next!

SlightlyperturbedOwl Mon 15-Aug-16 21:24:03

Mine used to play happily with NDN's two over the low fence. Occasionally we'd have them over or my 2 would go over there, but if you have other people's kids in your garden you have to supervise more closely than if it's just yours so it means you can't get as much done. Now they are bigger they just all play out together on the street.

Ginkypig Mon 15-Aug-16 21:24:17

no social input!

freebreeze Mon 15-Aug-16 21:40:22

I think it's a shame children of the same age who live next door, can't play together. I've always felt sad my kids didn't have similar age kids in the neighbourhood and I'd have jumped at this chance. But that's me. I love communities and chatting with neighbours and I suppose we're all different!

Nachobowl Mon 15-Aug-16 21:41:36

They probably just want some family time!!!

Door knocking/fence shouting can become really quite tiresome. I would get 20 questions over the fence even when DCS weren't home and I was putting the washing out. It wound up being quite invasive in all honesty!!

MadamDeathstare Mon 15-Aug-16 21:47:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWindInThePillows Mon 15-Aug-16 21:49:06

OP, I have no idea why anyone would find this invasive, because it's really a handful of times over a couple of years, and with same age children who have already played together!

One of the huge advantages of living on an estate for us is the amount of ready playmates- it's great that the children can run about and find other children to play with.

In this instance, though, it seems they aren't interested. It doesn't sound like the child has tonnes of other friends over, so the loss is really theirs and hers sadly.

I don't think this situation equates to random kids shouting at people when they are putting the washing out!

maisyanddaisy Mon 15-Aug-16 21:56:04

I had exactly this situation when DC were smaller. DS and NDN got on like a house on fire, but our invitations were always politely turned down, much to both kids' disappointment. I didn't really get it, but have come to the conclusion the NDNs were just a bit odd.

Hereforthebeer Mon 15-Aug-16 21:56:51

i feel sorry for their little girl if she is shouting invites but not allowed to play. Also if she had a birthday party with one other child (yours) then that indicates that they dont socialise with anyone at all.. I'd not be persistent, but leave it six months and invite again... if you went to the birthday after you've tried 4/5 times in 5 years then its not totally imbalanced.
We have neighbours who'd love an arrangement where we lived in each others pockets.. We are pretty social, but like private family time. We get on well and they know that we have rules about when the children go to play, so its the best of both worlds...

Realitea Mon 15-Aug-16 22:06:56

Maybe they just like to keep them self to them self. I'm the same. I don't mind having a quick chat at the school gates but I don't want to be meeting up or going on days out outside of school. I'm sure your neighbours are still nice enough..they're just more private, which is fine.
I'm quite embarrassed reading this as it reminded me of when I was little I used to just climb over the fence in my garden and appear at the neighbours back door and that was all the time! blush

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