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To ask for your staying sane as a sahp tips!?

(18 Posts)
Bellapep Mon 15-Aug-16 13:24:36

After working out our childcare costs for 2 under 2, myself and dh have decided I'm going to stay at home with the dc for a few years.

I love being home with them but tbh I have also enjoyed working part time although my job is very stressful, low earning power and I've been contemplating a career change for a while.

I'm just worried I'm going to end up climbing the walls if I don't have some kind of plan or routine. Lots of local playgroups so we can get out and about.

Any advice or tips please?smile

Lilaclily Mon 15-Aug-16 13:39:33

Have you resigned ?

Can I go off topic just a minute and ask if you're 100 per cent sure ?

A cautionary tale : I resigned when my first was 18 months old
When we had our second I need to go back to work

I was unable to get back into my field at the same level so had to go back at a lower level ( think TA instead of teacher but not that profession ) and 5 years later I'm still not up to the salary I was when I resigned

The childcare costs are IMO short term pain for long term gain

Hope you don't mind my interjection.

mouldycheesefan Mon 15-Aug-16 13:42:36

It's Groundhog Day. So is work but at least you are getting paid!
Childcare costs do decrease as they get older, 15 free hours, etc.
Find a way of keeping skills updated so you can reneged job market in future

LewisAndClark Mon 15-Aug-16 13:43:03

Out of the house every day, even if just for a half hour walk.


Lots of meet ups with other adults.

Something to do for yourself while the DC sleep (NOT housework unless you particularly enjoy it).

Wine for the evenings grin

Bellapep Mon 15-Aug-16 13:43:31

Hi Lilac, I don't mind at all. I'm planning a career change anyway so not too concerned about being able to go back into a similar role. I'm thinking of possibly retraining during my time at home, think that would look better on a cv than just a gap in employment history.

LellyMcKelly Mon 15-Aug-16 13:47:27

Lilac makes a good point. When the kids are two, you'll be eligible for part time free childcare so unless you can be sure you'll get a job you enjoy when you return to work I'd be tempted to remain part time or ask for a career break for a while. Keep your job if you can - unemployment is going to rise soon and jobs will be harder to come by.

That aside - Clubs are a good place to start. My kids loved our Friday morning one, and I made a few good friends. Soft play, libraries, parks, swimming CBeebiesetc.

Gowgirl Mon 15-Aug-16 13:52:02

Routine, toddler groups, wine!
Seriously it can be great fun and quite liberating but you need mum friends to really enjoy standing in the park on a drizzly day, they will also keep you sane on bad days.....finding them is not so easy, just because your DCs are the same age won't mean you have much in common.
Good luck!wine

Dontneedausername Mon 15-Aug-16 13:52:35

Have a loose plan!
I'm a SAHM, have been for 5 years now. Also 2 under 2 although mine are 4 and 5 now. 1 just starting P1, and one with another year at nursery (mornings only).

Try and have an out of the house activity every day.
Monday - swimming.
Tuesday - playgroup
Etc etc

You'll have a baby too so you need to realise that some days you won't make it out!

Get bed times sorted. Last thing you need after spending all day with the little delights is to have them playing up all evening!

Let them watch TV. It's isn't the devil.
Don't be precious about the house. I just keep on top of dishes, washing etc. Leave big cleans for the weekend when you have help. Get some friends with similar aged kids, take turns destroying each other's house!

nennyrainbow Mon 15-Aug-16 13:52:42

Are you worried about the lack of routine, or the lack of contact with other adults ( which is what most prospective SAHPs seem to worry about)? Lack of routine is fairly easily addressed - for example you could set a regular time slot for playgroups, food shopping, housework, laundry, outdoor play / playground, gardening, hobbies, sports etc if that feels better for you. Lack of contact with other adults outside of toddler groups is a bit more tricky - if I'm honest, I think being a SAHM suits someone who is comfortable with long periods of solitude.

CathFromCooberPedy Mon 15-Aug-16 13:53:07

I hate to say it but time off after dc doesn't look good on your cv. You'd need to be retrained and back in the workforce quickish for it not to look like you're a sahp. Having s break as a sahp says to your employer you'll be the one taking time off when dc sick etc.

Now we have people working much longer, 2 working parents and a recession coming. I personally wouldn't quit either.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 15-Aug-16 13:58:38

Out every morning without fail what ever the weather. So,up breakfast and out to the park- feed the ducks, a walk, a play group, friends for coffee, shopping or what ever.

Home for lunch, or in the summer I quite often took a packed lunch to eat in the park ( less mess at homewink)

Naps or quiet time in the afternoon and early bath and bed.

I got quite regimented about getting out every day as it was the only thing that kept me sane.

I also made good use of the slow cooker and used to freeze portions so some days I didn't have to cook.


Bellapep Mon 15-Aug-16 14:05:30

Thanks all lots of ideas here! I have a good group of friends so I'm sure I can meet up with someone a few times a week.

Wine in the evenings definitely sounds like a plan wink

Sorry I should have made it clearer in the op but I've handed my notice in, you all make very valid points and they are ones which I've considered, it hasn't been a spur of the moment thing and tbh the cost of childcare was the icing on the cake I was already swaying to staying at home.

Lilaclily Mon 15-Aug-16 14:33:21

Hi op
I'm glad you're sorted in your head career wise smile
I agree with the others about having a loose plan everyday and getting out

We used to do swimming on Mondays
Toddler group Tuesday & Wednesday ( at different church halls but I saw the same people at both )
Thursday was baby bounce and Ruhr at the library , or story time as they got older & we did jobs round town

Friday was chill out day : park , or soft play if it rained

I needed some kind of routine otherwise I went a bit crazy !

Lilaclily Mon 15-Aug-16 14:34:11

rhyme time that should say grin

Good luck !

NickyEds Mon 15-Aug-16 15:05:12

I'm a SAHM with a just turned one year old and a 2.7 year old and I love being at home with them. As pp have said I get out most mornings, either to the park, the woods, library, toddler group etc but we often come home for lunch followed by nap at home. Having a group of friends to meet up with is really handy. I often have three days a week doing toddler groups etc, then a day when we stay close to home in the morning and I clean in the afternoon, then a day when we might go a bit further afield and have a full day out. There are some big benefits to being a SAHP.

Bellapep Mon 15-Aug-16 15:20:52

Lilac I think I'm sorted anyway but who knows, it's scary it'll be the first time I've been out of work.

Nicky it sounds like you have a great routine. I might actually write it down I'm such a planner blush

Also nice to hear there are benefits to being at home. For us my dh earns more and works long hours so I think it'll benefit us both having someone at home.

NickyEds Mon 15-Aug-16 15:36:45

I think variety is a huge benefit- we are however lucky because of where we live. We have several different parks to go to, woods to explore, canal for walks etc so although we have a loose routine no two weeks a the same. I also manage to get a lot of the cleaning done during the week so weekends are relaxed.

Bellapep Mon 15-Aug-16 19:59:52

I think I need some kind of cleaning rota, spend most of my day doing housework at the moment.

We have lots of walks and things nearby, so ok on that front. I may take up running again just to have some me time.

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