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to be so emotional about potential sterilisation?

(11 Posts)
SeasonalVag Mon 15-Aug-16 09:58:00

DH and I conceived three times while using contraception (1 mc). I'm now in my 40s and after years of sleep deprivation, we've decided that we do not want another child.

I have an appointment tomorrow with a consultant re possible sterilisation but am so reluctant to go through with it. I can't decide if it's me being unable to face the facts that there won't be another baby like there should have been, or if I'm subconsciously hoping for a third, or if it's some wider issue about fertility, femininity etc.

I left a cafe in tears yesterday seeing a mum cuddle a new born girl (I secretly hoped for a girl, had boys who I adore).

I don't want hormones, condoms clearly don't work properly for us but it's hard to take such a permanent step. Is this normal? Because I'd quite like to finally stop worrying about getting pregnant, so a permanent solution would, logically, be best. We have a lot of sex so it's basically a matter of time before we have a third baby.

Mil says you always want an extra one and that it's a normal emotional response.

Careforadrink Mon 15-Aug-16 10:02:35

Why is it you and not him being sterilised?

pleasemothermay1 Mon 15-Aug-16 10:07:53

I have the non hormon coil op

FramptonRose Mon 15-Aug-16 10:09:34

I wa thinking that too, it is much easier for a man to have a vasectomy. They are in and out within a few hours.
I would say I agree with our MIL, I have three, we had them within four years, I am seriously done, I am exhausted but I still look at newborn and have a slight pang of wanting another.

SeasonalVag Mon 15-Aug-16 10:10:31

Because if anything happened to me and the boys, I'd want him to have another chance at happiness, whereas my body is 42 and probably doesn't want to go through another pregnancy. I have three slipped discs, for example. my body's past it!

SeasonalVag Mon 15-Aug-16 10:14:45

Mother, what's the coil like? Sounds painful?

davos Mon 15-Aug-16 10:14:49

Me and dh agrees he would get a vasectomy after our second. In reality it took me a good two years before I was ok enough for him to do it.

I definitely didn't want anymore. But having the option taken away was really upsetting. Even though I would still be able to have kids.

There seemed to be a big difference between me not wanting anymore and not being able to.

I know it's not the same situation but I do kind of understand the feelings.

Also if you and your dh have decided that you are going to be the one to have it done, that's entirely up to you.

Gowgirl Mon 15-Aug-16 10:19:02

On the other side, I had myself spade and the not thinking about pregnancy wanted or otherwise is wonderful, dh and I both agreed that our 3rd dc was our last.
I've known 3 women get accidentally pregnant in their 40s when dc are older and no way do I want to worry about it even on a low level for the next 10 years or so.

SeasonalVag Mon 15-Aug-16 10:19:23

How did you feel after it was done, Davos? Relieved or upset?

davos Mon 15-Aug-16 10:35:32

I was quite sort of neutral by the time it was done. I was happy to go back on the injection pill til he had it done and he was quite happy to wait until I was ready.

So there wasn't a huge rush and I was only 29 when I had my last. Dh is older and I think he worried I would regret it and want more (I don't).

As it turned out, after I came off the injection, I found out I had pcos so back on contraception. I felt awful as dh had some complications with he procedure and I had to go back on contraception anyway.blush

Sugarlightly Mon 15-Aug-16 20:03:07

Vasectomy is reversible most of the time, female sterilisation isnt

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