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To feel rotten about friends

(81 Posts)
jennypennyloves Mon 15-Aug-16 09:52:55

Okay so I've not long had a baby...7 months ago and while I'm pretty much back to my pre baby weight my shape is different and I doubt that's going to change.

I have loads of clothes that I bought pre baby that look terrible on me now and some of them still have tags and most of them haven't been worn that much.

I put a message on our whatsapp group saying "hey ladies, just having a clear out and my arse is too big for all these clothes...most of them are new or newish and all in great condition. Does anybody want any of it before i charity shop it all?"

Now we've been friends since school so the best part of 15/16 years so I know them all well and there are 6 of us on the chat. One of them replied "I don't want your sloppy seconds" and others replied with laughing faces to her. One of the girls who replied laughing raided a bag of charity clothes I was giving away a couple of years ago and I've taken stuff off her in the past.

WIBU to offer new clothes to people for free? I feel rubbish sad

Middleoftheroad Mon 15-Aug-16 09:56:14

Sorry you feel rotten - it's a nice gesture. I'd snap your hand off smile
Could it have just been a joke perhaps?

headinhands Mon 15-Aug-16 09:57:26

Sloppy seconds means dtd with a friend's ex. That's probably why they laughed. I don't think you need to be hurt it was just a off the cuff remark that got a giggle, it wasn't meant to be a judgment on your actions.

PrivatePike Mon 15-Aug-16 09:58:24

Sorry you feel rotten! Sounds like it was probably just a joke though?

Nan0second Mon 15-Aug-16 09:59:00

I'd snap your hand off too.
I would ignore them and stick them on eBay or charity shop them. You are being kind.

jennypennyloves Mon 15-Aug-16 10:00:30

I did reply saying "is that a no then?" And she just said "lol! I can buy my own." confused

AnUtterIdiot Mon 15-Aug-16 10:03:12

It's just a joke I think! Are any of them the right size for the clothes?

PrivatePike Mon 15-Aug-16 10:05:24

Tbh, I wouldn't be up for this but only because I really enjoy choosing stuff myself, and have quite distinct ideas about style grin But you say she's accepted clothes from you in the past so obv you're not being U at all.

jennypennyloves Mon 15-Aug-16 10:07:05

pike not her, one the ones who laughed has ready accepted clothes in the past sad

jennypennyloves Mon 15-Aug-16 10:08:29

utter yeah theyd all fit something I'm sure but I guess if I didn't want to accept id be kinder about it

gleam Mon 15-Aug-16 10:11:22

Maybe she's making the point that she can afford her own?

Never mind, it was a lovely gesture on tour part, jenny. flowers
Stick the clothes on eBay and forget about this.

accidentalpirate Mon 15-Aug-16 10:12:29

Just say... "Anyone else before I put them on eBay?" Ignore her comment or call her a snob if it will make you feel better

jennypennyloves Mon 15-Aug-16 10:14:13

Funnily enough, the one who
Has accepted clothes in the past has now messaged me privately saying she'll take them. It's taken 45 min since I sent the original message but she's now decided she wants them hmm

Henrysmycat Mon 15-Aug-16 10:15:28

flowers sorry OP. I'd be bit miffed too. But it's a lesson. Put them on eBay and make some extra money to treat yourself. Win-win.

Smurfit Mon 15-Aug-16 10:19:23

Is it not the done thing? I give and take clothes with my sisters all the time (I don't have many friends who would wear similar sizing). If they don't like it or want it then it goes to charity.

Your friend is being a snob, they're not sloppy seconds, they're (in some cases brand new) good clothes that simply don't fit or suit you.

0hCrepe Mon 15-Aug-16 10:20:50

Some people with a chip on their shoulder might not like the implication that they need second hand clothes or that they're happy to wear something they haven't chosen because it's free.
I have to admit I'm getting fussier about what I buy as I get older. I'll still get stuff from charity shops but I'm very selective and don't really like other people giving me clothes. I'd never reply like that though she sounds like a stinger.

NavyandWhite Mon 15-Aug-16 10:21:56

People are weird OP.
Try not to fret. You were doing a good thing.

LottieDoubtie Mon 15-Aug-16 10:23:01

I would tell her she can have them if she asks on the main group. But I may be being a bitch this morning grin

blankpieceofpaper Mon 15-Aug-16 10:23:05

I would say 'sorry - they have already been claimed.'

Or for a pa victory - post back on the group one 'X has decided to take them - so no more available sorry etc etc'

Mumoftwoyoungkids Mon 15-Aug-16 10:24:09

Put a message on saying "Last call for the free clothes. Will be putting them on EBay later. Just to warn you - my PM is playing up so I don't seem to be getting any messages through so please post on here if you want them."

Or just reply on the main message saying "Susie - yep you can have the lot. Feel free to pop round anytime."

ohtheholidays Mon 15-Aug-16 10:25:40

I wouldn't let her bloody have them OP.

I'd send her a message back(no I wouldn't I'd tag her in the original post because they've been bitches and I'd think she deserved it!)I've promised them all to someone else now being as you said you didn't want them!

I wouldn't see it as a joke,a jokes supposed to be funny not hurtful!

Your offer was a very generous one and they're lucky to have you as a friend.With the clothes with tags on have you still got the receipts?You might not be able to get the money back from the shops but they might give you a credit note for the store.
If not like others have suggested I'd sell them and then spend the money on yourself smile

SmilingButClueless Mon 15-Aug-16 10:28:47

Could the people who laughed have assumed that the comment about sloppy seconds was a joke? I'd be annoyed with the person who made the original comment, but not necessarily with the ones who laughed. Tone is so difficult to gauge in writing.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine Mon 15-Aug-16 10:30:59

Replying to the main message is mean, she's obviously embarrassed at handouts so why would you do that to her?

Some people don't like second hand and likely they replied joking rather than ignore the message. Very easy to misread a text or email as there's no tone.

KimmySchmidtsSmile Mon 15-Aug-16 10:31:12

Sloppy seconds was a sex joke.
I can buy my own was just rude.
Anyone who writes lol needs shooting
The one who laughed but pmd you privately should have written I'll have your sloppy seconds please! rather than a smiley but then later given the aforesaid I can buy my own probably felt too embarrassed to take up the offer publicly.
Up to you what to do now. Given the 45 minute gap you could say:
Sorry, too late, have given them to a family member
Sorry, too late, have just had them collected by door to door bag collector
Sorry, given the hilarity this morning, they are now on eBay
Or just let her have them if she is skint/not a user/does things for you/will be grateful.

SapphireStrange Mon 15-Aug-16 10:33:17

Bunch of bitches. You made a nice and generous gesture.

I'd tell the one who laughed and now wants your 'sloppy seconds' where she can stick her baby clothes.

Get some better friends. thanks brew cake

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