AIBU to feel that's not ok for my my colleagues to join my holiday....???(53 Posts)
Hi, I'm leaving my job officaly beacuse of career progress, but the main reason was one of the colleagues i work with. We have children simmilar age, and we used to visit each other (years ago) but we haven't visited them for 2 years as I just dont feel we have anything in common. I feel quite tired with all the small talk at work, and we are totally different personalities as well! Anyway....i am leaving my job, last day Friday 12th, plus week holiday before new job, we booked camping site for 8 days...last Thursday she informed me she just booked the same site ...i thought ok, it's a big site, we dont have to spend time together, but it looks like like she has everything planed and think we are spending this time together! Dont get me wrong, but i dont have a lot time alone with my husbend and was really looking forward to those few days on our own....as well, at my leaving drinks she mentioned to everyone " you know what, i booked the same camp site as M. and she did not even say she is happy about it!' I did not comment as I genuily dont feel happy about it!!!!. AIBU or should I just get on with this....;(
Fuck that for a game of soldiers! Can you stat at another site?
YANBU Could you book in somewhere else??
I think its a bit strange and wouldnt want someone else telling me how Im going to spend my holidays
Wow! That's pretty full on. Maybe say that's great we hope you have a wonderful time, I'm really looking forward to a quiet Time to catch up with my DH and DC. Maybe we can catch up for a coffee on a date towards the very end!
Can't stop her going and it's very weird, but you shouldn't feel obliged to hang out with her for any length of time. Managing her expectations in advance will be a safe thing to do!!!
Are you sure she's not just winding you up? I find it hard to believe that anyone would actually do this (apart from some of the PILs we read about on here, of course).
"You know what, i booked the same camp site as M. and she did not even say she is happy about it" You didn't comment and she still doesn't appear to have got the message.
She's a thick-skinned Cling-On but you know that already. Do your best to avoid her, even if you have to be blatant about it. "Sorry, we can't hang out today, we've got plans" "Oh, what a pity, we're going out for dinner with FRIENDS". And then don't go anywhere. You're moving on and won't ever have to see her again after this holiday, so what do you care?
I'd be half-tempted to book somewhere else completely so I wouldn't have to go to the bother of a lot of subterfuge.
Paid in advance, so dont really feel like cancelling, we have been there twice already as well and really like the place. But feel so strange with the whole situation.
When are you going? This week?
I'd seriously consider cancelling the booking and going elsewhere. Don't tell her either. If she asks, say you're not going any more but don't tell her about the new holiday.
It's not impossible to get a space on a decent campsite last-minute. Roughly whereabouts are you?
I'd seriously consider cancelling the first campsite and moving to another one.
Otherwise I'd be dreading an awkward situation where we'd be continually dodging her, or a confrontation about why we were doing our own thing.
I was concidering cancelling! ...and go the site in Kent which is nearer to where we live. But the camp in Devon is one that our kids are really looking forward to. And thats another thing, its a big, loud site, which I dont mind at all, but they always stay at small non electric sites (our excuse not to join) and she hates all the noise...so really, dont get it....I guess as mentioned...I' m not going back to my old workplace anyway, so probably will just do our best to plan activities on our own and try to avoid each other?
Just be ridiculously busy all week (or pretend to be) and if you bump into her and she says 'ooh, I thought you were learning to surf today', you just say 'yeah, change of plans' as you swing past insouciantly. Boom!
I wouldn't worry too much - if it's a big site there's a good chance that they won't be anywhere near you. And if they are, ask if you can move pitches.
What a nightmare!
Are you sure you're going to be there at the same time?
On the plus side, she's no longer a colleague, so you don't 'have' to be nice for the sake of your future work relationship. So just say 'no' if she wants to spend time to you,and a brisk nod and a small smile if you meet in the loos!
She sounds a nightmare and it's really bad she's done it.
But you never know it migh not be as bad as you think. You might not be near them and hopefully won't see them.
I would definitely say, that you were taken by surprise that she booked and that you had planned a family hol so you can spend time with DH so not sure how much time you will be able to spend together.
Bit stalkery. Maybe peep out the whole Dow just to check she's not watching the house tough now...
She sounds like a right stalker.
not in the real sense
That's like me turning up in say France because I heard somone I knew was going.
Hi heard you were going so thought I'd pop along too!
A lesson to you in oversharing your holiday plans ?
Id call the site ask to speak to a manager and briefly explain the situation and ask them to allocate you pitches as far apart as physically possible.
I'd be furious if anybody did this and thought they'd tag along to my family holiday without asking if it was OK first, let alone a colleague. And doubly furious if it was a colleague that I wasn't particularly close to!
I would happily rant to other colleagues about the massive liberty she has taken and hope that word got back to her that you weren't happy. I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to directly talk to her myself, mostly because I'd be worried about going ballistic and being so cross with her.
I would ring the site up before got there and explain the situation, and ask if you could be put in a different area from the other family. And get a note put onto your file to ensure that if they ring up and ask to be put next to you, then to make sure that they know you have asked not to be next to them. I'd put money on them having already rung up and made out that they were making a joint booking with you but were ringing separately to pay for their share but wanting to be put in a pitch next to you...
I think you just have to be very direct when they start talking about plans that include you and say that you already have plans that you made for your holiday and that if she'd bothered to ask you before she booked, she would have known that you had plans that didn't include her. Hope that she has a nice day but you and your family are going off to do your own thing on your own.
FWIW I do get the pain - on my honeymoon we got to the first hotel we were staying in and some old family friend of mine that hadn't been able to make it to the wedding rang up to say that they'd made it to the hotel and thought they'd take us out to supper instead... No word about it beforehand. We were both furious but did go, rather a strained meal... Not sure what I would have done if it were to happen now that I'm older and wiser and more able to stand up for myself
having been on MN for too long !
If you don't let her join in with everything is she going to go back and moan about you? Probably given the comments already. In which case if she tries to join in just tell her no.
"What are you doing today?"
"Spending time as a family. Just us."
"We'll join you!"
"No. We are not interested in that".
If she persists then tell her to fuck off because she's probably going to make out you did anyway.
You could tell her that you could meet up on the last day, then once you are on hold cancel it.
I think it's insane that you are thinking of changing your family's holiday plans rather than telling this woman the truth! That is some seriously pathological conflict avoidance. It's not just you though OP, it seems to be afflicting a lot of pp's as well.
This is definitely one of those occasions upon which you need to stop being so
scared British and non-confrontational and tell her (politely) to fuck off. Tell her you intend to have a family holiday with your loved ones and that she is not, and never was, part of your plans.
She won't like it, she will take offence and think you are being rude (she already has done), but in fact she is the one being rude. She expects to gatecrash your holiday, no questions asked, and for you to be happy about it!
I really do think you should speak up OP and tell her how you feel, rather than slinking about the campsite as if you are the ones in the wrong. Surely, once she has gotten on her high horse and flounced off, you can choose to have nothing further to do with her?
I have no idea how campsites work but if you arrive and get allocated a spot then make sure you k not to be near this other family. Imagine if you ended up as camping neighbours! I really hope you have a little very holiday and manage to avoid them
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