That's it really, been signed off with depression for around 8 weeks.
Had meeting with manager and HR about 4 weeks ago.
Fit note expired the Friday before meeting and earlier on i had hoped I'd be ready to go back but had several really low days so when I had the meeting I'd just been signed off for a further month
At meeting manager suggested I return when that month was up - seemed a long way off and I hoped I'd feel better in that time, so agreed (was a difficult meeting for me, they were nice and understanding but I was very upset and spent a lot of time in tears and apologising for not knowing why I was so down - previous episodes (before this job) had a clear 'trigger')
End of last week I felt really low (don't know if it's the return 'looming' or 'just a few off days' ) and I'm dreading going in tomorrow
I didn't sleep last night worrying.
I'm doing a phased return but my manager is on leave this week, as is his manager (who had previously been my manager on and off for the whole time I've worked here)
I asked that people weren't told why I was off but were told when I'd be back (so hopefully I don't have to field all the 'oh, hello, surprised to see you/oh, your back/are you feeling better type conversations)
I'm worried as people I considered friends rather than colleagues haven't contacted me once whilst I was off and I have low self confidence so things like this bother me
I'm still awaiting cbt so don't feel anything has changed, yet at the same time I know I can't be off work (I do get full sick pay) forever/people covering my work....
Then I think people haven't been in touch as they resent me being off
I am critical of how I look as I've gained weight and had been trying to lose it
I've come to realise that whilst I do enjoy my job for the most part (like anyone, there are shit days) I don't feel I could get another job earning what I do, I feel I don't have enough skills and so I need this job, and HAVE TO get back to it and be OK
I feel if I have any other time off sick I'll be in trouble, and I know I'm putting pressure on myself to be 100% better and once I'm back "that's it"
I'm just really worried
Please someone tell me it will be ok
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To dread going back to work
9 replies
Feellikearightungreatfulcow · 14/08/2016 20:22
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