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to ask her wtf?

(147 Posts)
hhh333 Sun 14-Aug-16 17:01:51

Just got back off a camping trip with a group of friends. Family A and Family B. The first day everyone was happy. Family A invited mutual friends up to stop for the night, great stuff as they're good friends and we don't see them often.
Wife A monopolised them a fair bit but we kind or expected that as she likes to be centre of attention. The next day she was beginning to get a bit frosty and said she wanted family time and could we all do our own thing. Not a problem with us or Family B. We all met up later on to go to the entertainment together. She spent the evening with a sour face complaining about everything and saying she'd rather be with her family playing rounders than sat with us. They left early, thank god.

The next morning she was barely making eye contact with us and invited her own friends up for the day. We left them to it but on the evening I asked her over for drinks at our tent. The answer was a firm no and by this point she couldn't even make eye contact with us. She'd blanked us all day.

The next day she invited her family up and spent the day with them, pretending we didn't exist whenever we walked past each other.

It was bonkers. I felt like I was back in secondary school with the way she was acting. Nothing had happened that we could thing of to spark it, she just decided to turn in to Queen Bitch.

We agreed with Family B to pretend it wasn't happening and get on with having fun together. She was gunning for a fight and we didn't want to give her it but now that we're back I'm furious. She did her very best to spoil our holiday over nothing.

Aibu to message her asking wtf?

hertsnessex Sun 14-Aug-16 17:39:56

ask her, but she sounds like a total dick tbh! id forget her if you can

RaeSkywalker Sun 14-Aug-16 17:43:46

Can you think of nothing that might have wound her up? She sounds like seriously hard work- I think I'd maintain a dignified silence and keep my distance. Was she there with a partner? Just wondering if they were behaving normally with you.

Redorangeyellowgreenblue Sun 14-Aug-16 17:45:52

If you do stay friends never go on holiday with her again!!

Imnotaslimjim Sun 14-Aug-16 17:46:52

I'd have to ask her. What bloody odd behaviour!! I'd want to know what had gone wrong but then I'd be cooling the relationship.

Doinmummy Sun 14-Aug-16 17:49:02

How childish . I'd ask her , you e got nothing to lose .

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 14-Aug-16 17:49:04

YNBU. I'd have to know what or if I'd done something wrong.. Did you intentionally make her feel pushed out. Could one of you have said something to her that might have offended her. Causing offence is a huge mine field.
What offends A might not offend B and so on.
However sometimes people just turn on you for nothing.
If that's the case. I think id give her a wide berth from now on. Life's complicated enough with idiots wanting to fight for no rhyme cause or reason.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 14-Aug-16 17:49:48

Unintentionally not intentionally.

ElspethFlashman Sun 14-Aug-16 17:52:16

Whatever the response would be though it's not as if she'd take any responsibility. It'd be some bullshit about how you were all "off" with her or some such. Don't give her the oxygen.

hhh333 Sun 14-Aug-16 17:52:42

The only thing I can think of is I said she should just go when she said about being with her family. I was quite blunt and dh gave me a look so I tried to change it to just go in to the arcade area where it's cooler but you could tell she wasn't happy.

She's always liked to be queen bee and has thrown little strops but this was so weird and out of the blue.

Dh doesn't want me to ask. We're all connected through the husbands being friends and he's best mates with her husband.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sun 14-Aug-16 17:57:23

My husband is best mates with her husband
Just because your dh is best mates with her dh. That doesn't mean you and her are destined to be life long pals.

jamhot Sun 14-Aug-16 18:03:57

I can imagine you'd get an answer along the lines of "if you don't know what you've done wrong, then I can't tell you".

She sounds like hard work. Quietly back away and leave her to it.

hhh333 Sun 14-Aug-16 18:04:07

We'll definitely never be lifelong pals!! I've tried to get on with her over the years but we've never gelled with each other.

I want to ask because I'm so nosy but tbh I'm a bit scared of her reaction. I can see her really kicking off! Is it worth it?

hazeimcgee Sun 14-Aug-16 18:06:32

Can dh ask his mate?

Heidi42 Sun 14-Aug-16 18:09:30

nah you got the guilts now bc you feel it was your fault and you are also a little afraid of the fallout lol. To hell with her, she is no loss to you or yours and as for dh being her dh bff you do not have to be friends with her as well!

PhotosGinAndALongLieIn Sun 14-Aug-16 18:10:27

I had a friend suddenly start blanking me like that and when it had gone on long enough to realise that whatever was bothering her wasn't going away, I asked her. It had been a good couple of weeks (we used to see each other most days) so I asked her. She was put out that I had gone to a mums and tots type group with another friend and hadn't invited her. The group was for older LOs 18m-5y and her baby was 10m and immobile. The group was loud and boisterous and she had been very vocal in the past about not wanting to go. We all went to a younger group (0-3) together twice a week so I couldn't understand why she was so upset or why she thought blanking me for a fortnight was an appropriate response.

I think it was more jealousy that I had spent time with this other friend without her. The friendship never really recovered to be honest as it was all a bit playground and she never really accepted that it was ok for us not to have to do everything together. I'd ask her though, perhaps it was friend B who upset her and not you.

trafalgargal Sun 14-Aug-16 18:12:09

I wouldn't ask.
Her OH might tell yours eventually but wives of husband's best mates that you don't gel with should be kept at arms length anyway.

I'd leave it , she's PA so you won't get a straight answer.

rookiemere Sun 14-Aug-16 18:14:13

I wouldn't ask her. She sounds like a drama llama and asking her outright would open up a whole can of worms particularly if the DH's need to work together.

BastardGoDarkly Sun 14-Aug-16 18:14:47

Nah, let it go, and never holiday with her again.

EverySongbirdSays Sun 14-Aug-16 18:15:35

A friend of mine had similar once, a colleague randomly began blanking her and so she rang her to see if there was a problem and was accused of flirting with her husband.

In Friends view she had done nothing of the kind and she had no idea where the accusation had come from but colleague clearly felt otherwise

Could be something like that.

dustarr73 Sun 14-Aug-16 18:18:42

She doesnt like that you answered her back,thats all it is.You where blunt and she didnt like it.I wouldnt ask her,i wouldnt give her the satisfaction of knowing it bothered you.

acasualobserver Sun 14-Aug-16 18:18:56

She'd love to be asked. If you want to annoy her, don't.

MiddleClassProblem Sun 14-Aug-16 18:19:47

I wouldn't ask either. If she had an issue she should of raised it rather than acting like a brat.

Just eye roll and enjoy company of family B in future get togethers whilst being civil and polite to her.

If you ask you might unleash a shot storm or worse, friction between the dh friends.

You don't have to be close to their dps and it's great that you get along with the other set and they felt the same. I don't understand holidaying with someone then fucking off on your own even if you are pissed off. What a twat.

AlpacaPicnic Sun 14-Aug-16 18:20:33

I wonder if she wanted you to all 'miss her terribly' during the holiday and it backfired on her a bit when you were all happy just doing your own thing? Because you described her as liking to be 'centre of attention' but you didn't give her the attention she wanted?

hhh333 Sun 14-Aug-16 18:21:05

That's very true. You could tell she was just waiting for someone to address it while we were away.
I don't want to give her the satisfaction but I'm soooo nosy I have to know!

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