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To think that she needs to realise how easy she has it compared to some other people

(160 Posts)
Sophie0 Sun 14-Aug-16 14:58:43

A friend of mine is a "single" parent to three children. She lives in a council house and her ex partner has his own place five minutes away. They've been separated for around two years now and in that time her ex has continued to come and go from her house on a daily basis, sometimes multiple times a day. He has the majority of his meals there, does diy, watches sky sports, etc and they continue to go on holiday and on days out together.

I realise that what ever they decide to do is their business and that would be all good and well if my friend didn't spend all of her time ranting on about how hard life is as a single parent. Every time I see her it's the same old thing, how tough it is doing it all on her own, how she has no money, how she never gets out of the house. When in reality she gets out of the house every weekend to go out socialising with friends as the children's dad takes them from Friday dinner time until Sunday lunch time. He also comes and minds the children at her house during the week so that she can go to the gym and out with friends. Oh and pays her a very generous amount of child maintenance that doesn't get counted towards her benefits.

I am sick to death of hearing her especially since she has a very easy life, but also because I have another very close friend who is a genuine single parent and she is really struggling. Her husband of 15 years upped and left her and her two children last year and he hasn't been heard from or seen since. He cleared out their joint bank account, left her with nothing and she ended up having their house repressed as she couldn't afford to keep up the mortgage payments, even though she was working. She is on the bones of her backside, has no family support, her friends (other than me and one other person) have deserted her as she can't afford to go out and see them regularly and in general she is feeling really low. The thing is all three of us are friends and visit each other's houses and my friend who in my opinion has it easy is not only annoying me but she's getting to our other mutual friend. No wonder really, she's sick of hearing her go on and on about how hard she has it when she herself has absolutely zero input from her children's father, no help from family, no Csa etc. We are both now distancing our selves from her as she's becoming impossible to be around. AIBU to want to do this?

Diglet Sun 14-Aug-16 15:00:58

Sky tv you say..... 🤔

willowtreecottage Sun 14-Aug-16 15:03:41

I *think you'd be better off disappearing from this thread.
This type of dilemma normally brings about a unanimous"mind your own"grin

Sophie0 Sun 14-Aug-16 15:04:17

Yes I don't know why I mentioned Sky. I have Sky sports so it's force of habit.

Sophie0 Sun 14-Aug-16 15:06:13

Oh don't worry I'm preparing myself to be told I should mind my own business. If it weren't a supposed friend of mine and that friend was just affecting me and not our other friend then I would mind my own, but it's not fair she's affecting her as much as she is.

Gowgirl Sun 14-Aug-16 15:06:31

You might want to grab a flameproof vest opgrin
But I would do the same

Sophie0 Sun 14-Aug-16 15:08:10

Lol probably. I'm not having a go at single parents, but I'm sure my words will be twisted to make it sound like that. I'm just sick of one of my friends moaning (we can all relate to that surely). But when it's an unjustified and constant moan that is not only affecting me but another friend of ours, well it's hard to ignore.

Babyzoo Sun 14-Aug-16 15:08:35

I generally hate benefits and single parent bashing threads but I can't really argue with this.

It is very tiresome to keep complaining like this.

madinche1sea Sun 14-Aug-16 15:08:40

OP - you go into the details of these two friends and their situations. What about your own situation? Why no mention of that?

Babyroobs Sun 14-Aug-16 15:10:10

YANBU and it sounds like she isn't a lone parent if her ex is virtually living at her house and they go on holidays etc together.

IthinkIamsinking Sun 14-Aug-16 15:10:17

You sound awful.
Do you have CCTV trained on her house?
Would you be happier if she had a really shit time of it so you and your friends could feel better?
Everyone has different degrees of difficulty in life OP. Deal with it.

Owllady Sun 14-Aug-16 15:10:53

I think you are being a bit spiteful. If she gets on your nerves, why are you 'friends' with her?

WorraLiberty Sun 14-Aug-16 15:11:35

The funniest thing about all of this is that you are declaring "Oh woe is me" grin

Do what you want. I'm sure your 'friend' won't care, once she finds out how much her life annoys you, because it's different to your other friend's life.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 14-Aug-16 15:11:52

We are both now distancing our selves from her as she's becoming impossible to be around

Job done then.

Sophie0 Sun 14-Aug-16 15:12:02

Sorry I didn't think my situation was that relevant, fair enough though. The basics are I've been married to the father of my two children for 11 years. I work part time, he works full time and both of our kids are in school.

Sophie0 Sun 14-Aug-16 15:15:18

Hold on a minute. I'm not awful or spiteful, I'm just telling you in detail and being as honest as I can about how things actually are. You're not telling me you all haven't had a difficult friend, well imagine that and times it by ten and you will have my friend! Like I said I'm trying to distance myself from her but it isn't easy as she isn't getting the message.

Marmalade85 Sun 14-Aug-16 15:16:57

You sound jealous OP

TaterTots Sun 14-Aug-16 15:17:48

Madinche - Maybe the OP hasn't mentioned her own situation as it isn't really relevant. The situation here is that both her friends are single parents, and the one constantly claiming she's struggling is upsetting the other one, who is worse off.

ginorwine Sun 14-Aug-16 15:18:16

To be honest it would annoy me .
Is she aware of your other friend s difficulty ? If so it's rather insensitive .

Sophie0 Sun 14-Aug-16 15:18:40

Of course I don't want her to have a hard life. But at the same time why can't she recognise that in compassion to a lot of other people, especially other single parents, that she has it easy. My life isn't perfect but I'm not arrogant enough to think I have it hard because I don't. My life is easy compared to a lot of people but difficult in comparison to others. The difference is I realise this, my friend doesn't.

IthinkIamsinking Sun 14-Aug-16 15:21:14

Then tell to your 'friend' OP instead of whinging about it on here. It would appear you have already made your mind up but now want lots of people to agree with you allow you to feel justified.

Sophie0 Sun 14-Aug-16 15:21:50

TaterTots that's exactly it. Marmalade how exactly am I jealous?. I have a husband on tap and he me so we can go out whenever we feel like it within reason. We have some great friends, we don't do too bad financially and we have family around to help out with our kids should we need it. There's nothing really to feel jealous about.

WorraLiberty Sun 14-Aug-16 15:21:59

What are you actually asking here and why?

If you want to distance yourself from anyone, then just do it.

I'm not sure why you feel the need to sit around on a public forum, inviting people to join in the heavy criticism of your 'friend'.

Are you always this dramatic when you want to make a decision?

DropYourSword Sun 14-Aug-16 15:22:01

She's got 3 children, so regardless of any other details, I don't think this equates to a 'very easy life'.

Things are all relative. Just because other people have it worse doesn't mean that she can't find things difficult. I'm struggling with my baby because he has silent reflux and struggles to sleep. I'm finding it bloody difficult. If someone came along and said well you've only got one, there's people with twins who have reflux, they have it worse, they might not be lying but it wouldn't make my experience any easier.

I don't get this bizarre proclivity for adults to maintain friendships with people they don't seem to like. I don't waste my time and energy on relationships like that.

madinche1sea Sun 14-Aug-16 15:22:15

As long as you're happy what's the point of comparing somebody to anybody else. If you don't like someone, fair enough, but beyond that, let it go. Otherwise this would mean that you yourself would never be allowed to complain about anything because - shock horror - you have a husband who has stayed with you! shock

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