AIBU to ask if you've experience of cocaine addiction?

[bettyswalls]

Namechanged.

I'm in my late 20s, no children, currently single. My ex was an alcoholic and coke addict, EA and SA.

He was so bad with coke that I never thought I had a problem myself. He was always the one wanting one more gram, one more line. I'd give him my last bit and convince myself that I was in control.

Obviously that was bullshit, and I realised it the other night. I was out with some people I don't even like very much and one of them had coke. I did a bump and, as I was drunk, spent the rest of the night absolutely obsessed with getting more. I let a stranger borrow my phone to call his dealer at one point, he could have stolen it. Luckily the dealer didn't come through. I suddenly sobered up from the alcohol, had a flash of "what the fuck are you doing?" and walked home.

My ex used to binge on 2grams or so at a time and I'd probably do 1, my use was massive from the outset. It never crept up, I always tried to keep pace with him. We did it every few months but in such big quantities, and the stuff he got was higher quality than anything else I've been exposed to.

If I see someone on TV snorting any kind of powder, I feel an urge to get some, like being starving hungry (craving?) and have to distract myself until the urge subsides.

So my question is, will this ever go away? Am I stuck with it? I'm supposed to be intelligent and the fact that I've willingly reprogrammed my brain to crave this disgusting, unethical drug, shipped across the world in the bellies of exploited women, a drug that funds gangs that behead people and leave their bodies in the street... well it's repulsive.

I'm not going to pity myself because it's not about that. I will fight this urge to the death. But I wondered if anyone else has come through it and found it easier over time?

[ImYourMama]

I was in a similar situation and as soon as I finished with him, I was worse for a while - I felt like I deserved a 'blow-out' and truly bunt the candle at both ends. I then realised all the people I was hanging out with had nothing in common except cocaine. Sober, they were not the type of people I would normally associate with and I had a bit of an epiphany. Since then I've not touched it (it's more than 4 years ago)

You'll be fine when you realise spending money on something guaranteed to make you ill and feel like death for a few days after taking it is really really silly, but you have to realise it in your own time x

[froubylou]

Social drugs like coke are incredibly moreish when in social situations where it is accepted or expected to do drugs.

I found this at a similar age to you. I moved away to get away from the scene I was on. Dabbled very occasionally after that but now I would be horrified to see myself snorting or taking pills or speed. I have 2 dcs and would never do anything like that ever again.

And I used to do coke or pills or speed every weekend and sometimes coke mid week too. It's a vile drug and I did find it difficult to comprehend my desperate need for it at times. But now I wouldn't dream of it.

If you are finding it difficult my best advice is to change social groups. Or avoid social situations that it might be a part of.

[2protecttheinnocent]

Well done for realising you have a problem. I've not for any direct experience but I do have a family member that has struggled with cocaine addiction.

Have you heard for narcotics anonymous?

They will be able to help you.

One thing I would say is that you need to make a new group of friends that don't use cocaine in order to be able to trurly break free.

Good luck.

[Laptopontable]

I still get the cravings when I see drug use in movies, especially if its glamorised iyswim. But then I remember how shitty it makes me feel during the come down and how disappointed all my loved ones would be if I started again. It does get easier but I don't think it ever really goes away. Keep away from people who do it and you may have to consider stopping drinking as it causes you to lose control.