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to not want my mil at the birth and pick my dad over her?

(545 Posts)
dfelix990 Sun 14-Aug-16 11:45:02

hi all so basically my mum is no longer with me she passed away when i was 11 so i became extremely close to my dad who acted as my mum and dad.

im not that close to mil i mean i do like her but we arent that close, but she recently spoke to me about being at the birth and that as my mum isnt around she assumes shell be there. i said that im really sorry but i want my dad there, she started saying that was bizarre and she should have been the second choice as she is the 2nd grandmother. dh seems to think she has a point about being the 2nd grandmother.

aibu to have my dad there over her?

Nectarines Sun 14-Aug-16 11:46:50

I think it's your choice and nobody else's.

Friolero Sun 14-Aug-16 11:47:02

You are the one giving birth so it is totally your choice. If you want your dad there, your DH and MIL should respect that!

humblesims Sun 14-Aug-16 11:47:04

yanbu. your birth - your rules. do not be pressured.

FreshHorizons Sun 14-Aug-16 11:47:05

I wouldn't have either! It makes it sound like a spectator sport!
Stick with DH.

Careforadrink Sun 14-Aug-16 11:47:42

Yanbu

It's your birth, your choice.

dfelix990 Sun 14-Aug-16 11:48:26

fresh would you not even have your mum then?? its nice to have some support as dh will be all over the place

thanks all

DartmoorDoughnut Sun 14-Aug-16 11:48:28

Role of grandmother isn't important yet, role of support for you is. After all you need the support not the baby

JacquettaWoodville Sun 14-Aug-16 11:48:50

Your choice!

Some hospitals only allow one birthing partner though so it may be only your DH who can be present.

missm0use Sun 14-Aug-16 11:48:54

YADNBU - I cried for my dad after I gave birth. DF died two years before DD was born and I didn't want DM or anyone else there instead.

JacquettaWoodville Sun 14-Aug-16 11:49:25

But yes, pick whoever is going to support you best. It's about you during labour.

thecraftyfox Sun 14-Aug-16 11:49:36

You're the one giving birth and you need to be comfortable and confident in the people you have with you. It's not a spectator sport or a race for which grandparent sees your baby first. I chose just to have my husband with me when I gave birth, ultimately it's all upto you as you are the mother and the midwives will go with what you want. MiL might feel it's not fair but I'd bet she didn't have her mother in law with her as she laboured

SmallBee Sun 14-Aug-16 11:49:40

YANBU, you're going to be giving birth, it's intensely an private experience and it's up to you alone who should be there.
Perhaps you could give your MIL first cuddles, or film the birth for her to watch?

I love my MIL but I gave birth last week and there is NO WAY I'd have wanted her seeing me in pain, naked, bleeding, pooing, legs akimbo and all the rest.

insancerre Sun 14-Aug-16 11:50:43

Blimey, is giving birth a family occasion now?
Surely its a private event for just the parents?
Why would anyone not involved in the conception assume they will be there for the birth?

JacquettaWoodville Sun 14-Aug-16 11:50:45

Please don't film the birth unless you want a film for yourself!

TheSilverChair Sun 14-Aug-16 11:50:59

Your choice. I wouldn't have had either of my parent there, though. Just DH.

JacquettaWoodville Sun 14-Aug-16 11:51:22

If you would like additional support, you could consider a doula rather than your dad?

Muddlingthroughtoo Sun 14-Aug-16 11:51:27

Trust me, some of the situations you find yourself in you may find you only want your OH to see. I'm close to both my parents and I wouldn't want either if them to see me half naked, on all fours!

Chippednailvarnishing Sun 14-Aug-16 11:51:33

Nothing "bizarre" about it, your DF probably saw you coming into the world and now he's going to see his grandchild too. It's quite sweet actually.

dfelix990 Sun 14-Aug-16 11:51:37

insancerre im sure it is quite common for a mum to be at the birth too? im not 100% sure though but all i know is i want my dad there!

thanks again

dfelix990 Sun 14-Aug-16 11:52:09

why not my dad? sad

flossietoot Sun 14-Aug-16 11:52:47

It's your choice.

Gazelda Sun 14-Aug-16 11:53:04

Bloody hell, I'd be telling DH and DMIL that this isn't an opportunity to be arguing over hierarchy.
only you have the right to an opinion on who you want at the birth.

As an aside, have you asked your DF? If he declines, how are you going to ensure your DMIL and DH don't assume she'll take his place? It isn't a ticketed event.

insancerre Sun 14-Aug-16 11:53:19

Is it common?
I've not heard of it

neolara Sun 14-Aug-16 11:53:28

There's absolutely no way I'd have had my mil at any of my dcs births. Mind you, I didn't have my mum either. If you have a dh or dp that you get on well with, i think it's a bit odd to have anyone else there as well. But obviously appreciate others think differently.

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