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DM at birth

(190 Posts)
MermaidTears Sun 14-Aug-16 10:28:33

Am I the only one who thinks it's so so awkward to have your mum at the birth?
I banned my mum the first two times, now pregnant with a third and she's back to hinting at her 'last chance' to see a grandchild be born.
She had my dad and nan (her mum) with her when she gave birth to me and doesn't think it's weird at all.
I just cannot get past the idea of my mum seeing me naked or partially naked and with my vagina fully on show. I just find it fucking odd!
When I was pregnant with my first my mil actually assumed I might want her there. I couldn't help but laugh when she said it, just no!
Anyway almost all my friends and school mum friends had their husbands and their mums. Is it just me who finds it so weird, or do I just not have that kind of comfortable relationship with my own mum?

NavyandWhite Sun 14-Aug-16 10:31:01

If you don't feel comfortable with it that's fine. Just tell her that.

smile

notinagreatplace Sun 14-Aug-16 10:32:08

I agree with you - but then I have quite a difficult relationship with my mother in general.

I find it quite strange generally when I read threads on here how involved some women still are with their mothers - women who want to move their families long distances to be near them, etc. For some women it feels like their mothers are pretty much equal to their husbands in terms of prominence in their lives. That's fine if it works for them but, as I say, I don't have that kind of relationship with mine and so I don't really get it.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sun 14-Aug-16 10:32:37

Christ, no.

If I had to give birth again I'd do it quietly in a room on my own.

VladmirsPoutine Sun 14-Aug-16 10:32:40

Meh, each to their own. I would want my mother there but then again we do have an extremely close relationship.

MermaidTears Sun 14-Aug-16 10:33:55

I have, that's not the issue. I say it as it is.
I'm just curious really if anyone else feels like this because everyone I know had partner and mum.
Am I a massive nudity pride haha ?
I am wondering

SmallBee Sun 14-Aug-16 10:34:03

I don't know anyone who had their Mums present. You should have whoever you feel comfortable with in their with you. The less at ease you feel the longer labour might end up bring due to the extra stress. Just tell her no.

DorothyHarris Sun 14-Aug-16 10:34:39

I'm very close to my mother but didn't want or have her at either of my births.

Wibblywobblyfoo Sun 14-Aug-16 10:34:50

I had my dad there. Each to their own. If it doesn't suit you just say no.

MermaidTears Sun 14-Aug-16 10:35:01

Errrm nudity prude that should be wink

Hadenoughoftumble Sun 14-Aug-16 10:37:05

My mum and I are not touchy feely at all. We don't hug or say 'I love you' or anything like that but are quite close.

She was present at dd1's birth because no matter how old I get sometimes when I'm upset, in pain or feeling vulnerable I just want my mum. So she watched me give birth, deliver the placenta and then get stitched up. She then helped me into a bath whilst wearing just my bra. And no, it hasn't caused any awkwardness between us at all! We're just the same as before. She won't be at this birth in a few weeks because she'll be at home watching dd for us. And that makes me a bit apprehensive/sad.

MermaidTears Sun 14-Aug-16 10:37:16

wibblywobbly did you honestly not feel any embarrassment at your dad seeing you naked, legs akimbo etc?

user1468166567 Sun 14-Aug-16 10:38:48

My mom has hinted that it's the biggest regret of her life not letting my Nan in with her when she had me. Back then I think she was on her own (my dad was awol - prob in pub)

She's said she's not pressuring me and to have whom I want. At this point it'll be me and DP and we won't tell anyone at all that we have gone in and prob not tell anyone baby is here till a good few hours after just so we get some bonding time.

I don't want her with her head inbetween my legs and giving her 'I've done this three times' advice! I may punch her! grin

WhooooAmI24601 Sun 14-Aug-16 10:39:14

I had my Mum there when DS1 was born. No big deal; we both wanted it. Horses for courses and all that.

As for nudity, I also had 6 students in observing my labour, some male. It's labour; you're not trying to seduce them with your beautiful fandango, there's a human coming out of you so any prudish nonsense goes as far out the window as possible.

AngelBlue12 Sun 14-Aug-16 10:39:40

Just my DH (and MW's obviously) thanks really don't need anyone else there def not any other family shudders

notinagreatplace Sun 14-Aug-16 10:40:08

For me, the nudity is not the issue at all. I'm not super comfortable around my mother naked but I wouldn't hate her seeing me naked.

It's more that she would not be a reassuring presence at all - she'd be telling me off for making a fuss, trying to clean up around me, annoying the midwives, etc.

But, to be honest, even if we had a better relationship, I see childbirth as being something to share with my husband - this is about the two of us. Of course, extended family are going to be involved with my baby but there are some special moments where I want it just to be us. I also feel like it would set the precedent that my mother had equal status with my DH in parenting and that is not something I would want.

ArmyInRed Sun 14-Aug-16 10:40:26

Im with you op, my sil had her mum there but no way would i have had anyone other than dh.

WhooooAmI24601 Sun 14-Aug-16 10:41:13

As an aside, my Mum adopted me as she wasn't able to have her own DCs. I'm sure a small part of her wanted to be there for DS1's birth purely because it was something she'd never experienced. That had an impact on my asking her to be there, certainly. But she was amazing throughout, and I love that she was there.

MadameJosephine Sun 14-Aug-16 10:41:39

It's not about them seeing the birth, this is about YOU. Everybody is different and you should have birth partners who make you feel comfortable and well supported.

FuturesAChanging Sun 14-Aug-16 10:42:04

Hell no, DH only.
Watching American to shows where the entire family is in the delivery room and it's all so bright and loud and stressful. Or all family then in waiting room, just no.

MyBreadIsEggy Sun 14-Aug-16 10:43:30

I wouldn't want my mum to see all that either.
When I'd given birth to Dd, my mum and dad came to the hospital when she was about 8 hours old, and my mum looked at me, cried and said "I didn't want you to have to do that because I know how much it hurts!" grin Don't think she would have been much help as a birthing partner!

Rosae Sun 14-Aug-16 10:43:37

I think by the time my bits were in view I wouldn't have cared much if my mum was there. Though at first I wouldn't even have considered her being there (til i realised My hubby might not be the best birth partner) My mum emphatically didn't want to be there tho. When I asked she said she'd be there only if I didn't have anyone else.

Chihuahualala Sun 14-Aug-16 10:43:56

youre not trying to seduce them with your beautiful fandango grin

Hadenoughoftumble Sun 14-Aug-16 10:44:36

And I should mention that I am the most nudity prudish person ever, I hate changing in swimming pools etc. But due to severe health problems that we knew dd1 had there were approx 10-12 people in the room ready to receive her and whisk her off to SCBU so one more made no difference! And she stayed up by my head and away from the business end!

BathshebaDarkstone Sun 14-Aug-16 10:44:46

Ew no, I wouldn't want it, but then I've only recently got back in touch with my mum and the only way we're managing to get on is by not talking about the huge elephant in the room.

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