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To wonder how you'd deal with this type of friend?

(27 Posts)
Arabellaboo Sat 13-Aug-16 22:59:16

I have been friends with her for several years. Our kids now go to the same school. She is nice but is also one of those irritating people who always goes on about being busy all the time. She also talks a lot and it is hard to get a word in edgeways.

I will sometimes bump into her at the school and she will literally talk at me for 10 minutes about herself, then will suddenly say 'I've got to go, I'm so busy, I've got to do X/YZ', as if I've been keeping her talking. I've started saying I've got to go now before she does, as I do have to get to work each morning after the school run, but she is visibly put out when I say that.

She will also text me asking something, I will reply then I get a reply back saying something along the lines of "Can't talk now, busy at the moment, speak soon". Again as if I've been delaying her or am bothering her when it's her that's contacted me!

She works in a shop in town. Today I went into said shop as I wanted to buy something. She was chatting to a colleague. As soon as I walked in she said 'I'll be with you in a bit, I'm a bit busy right now' and put her hand up to me. I said 'I'm not here to see you, I'm here to buy things' and just walked off as I couldn't believe how rude she was!

She is also always late to everything! We will arrange to meet at, say, 1pm, and at 1pm when I'm at the planned meeting place she will text to say she'll be 45 minutes late, so I end up having to sit around waiting. Yet if I'm ever even 5 minutes late she will moan at me!

DH says I should ditch her, and tbh she is getting on my nerves a lot, but just wondered how you would deal with someone like her?

cankles Sat 13-Aug-16 23:01:09

sounds like you've already ditched her, in a way, great comeback btw!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 13-Aug-16 23:01:22

Very low contact, as your kids are at the same school. Otherwise I would ditch.

FuzzyOwl Sat 13-Aug-16 23:01:24

You clearly don't like her, so surely she isn't a friend to ditch anyway.

Just stop messaging or replying to messages and if she tries to stop you for a chat, say you are busy and don't have time.

ImperialBlether Sat 13-Aug-16 23:01:25

I'd strangle her!

Arfarfanarf Sat 13-Aug-16 23:01:38

Id be civil if i saw her but i wouldnt seek her out or socialise with her in any way.
Such people annoy me.

JenLindley Sat 13-Aug-16 23:03:15

Stop arranging to meet her, make your excuses and leave as soon as she starts to chat to you at school drop offs.

WeekendAway Sat 13-Aug-16 23:05:23

I'd start to detach from her if I were you. It doesn't sound like you get much pleasure out of her company or the friendship.

Arfarfanarf Sat 13-Aug-16 23:05:31

Oh and if you wanted to, every time she talks to you you could say "oh i wont keep you, i know how busy you always are, cheerio " and walk off

WeekendAway Sat 13-Aug-16 23:06:04

And if she's as self absorbed as she sounds she'll probably take a while to even notice you aren't around much any more.

Botanicbaby Sat 13-Aug-16 23:08:36

gradually go low contact with her and just be civil at school gates, don't agree to meet up with her one-to-one esp if she is 45 mins late!! how rude.

if she texts, don't reply instantly. be noncommittal. don't go out of your way to make any effort with her, phase her out of your life.

monkeywithacowface Sat 13-Aug-16 23:08:59

Just reduce contact but remain polite when you cross paths. She sounds annoying

GingerbreadGingerbread Sat 13-Aug-16 23:10:19

My first thought was ditch but if you like her I would firstly behave to her as she does to you as even though it's not in your nature I think it's the only way to get through to her. If the plan fails you've lost nothing as she's a PITA anyway.

So I'd arrange to meet her but be 45 mins late and tell her you've been busy and see how she reacts. If she kicks up a fuss point out all the times she's done it too.

Or you could be a grown up and talk to her about it but she probably won't give you a chance to get a word in edge ways!

QueenieBob Sat 13-Aug-16 23:10:32

She sounds quite controlling. As others have said, withdraw as much as you can from this friendship. You don't need this level of irritation in your life. If she texts you, text back when it's convenient for you and you can always be 'busy' when she wants to meet up. I find my mobile's quite handy for avoiding unwanted playground conversations!! Good luck OP

FramptonRose Sat 13-Aug-16 23:12:25

I have someone like this at my DCs school. I have seriously distanced myself, she drives me mad, I too preempt her talking at me and am always on the phone/running late or have to talk to the teacher.
I feel much better not having to listen to her life story every morning grin

user1466795981 Sat 13-Aug-16 23:17:01

I wouldn't 'deal' Id be gone!!

Seriously though OP I sympathise as this is the EXACT type of situation I find difficult. Some people struggle with authority figures, but I find difficulties with this scenario. Like PPs have alluded to, I'd phase out...

AmysTiara Sat 13-Aug-16 23:19:08

She sounds a nightmare. I wouldn't deal with her, I'd just forget the friendship and be too busy to talk to her. See how she would like it.

JinkxMonsoon Sat 13-Aug-16 23:23:19

grin God, I don't know how you put up with it, with her always lording it over you about being FAR too busy to complete a simple interaction with you. Fuck that! She's no friend. You're just one of a succession of people she needs to feel superior to.

Sativa Sat 13-Aug-16 23:34:14

What are you getting from this friendship OP ? Are there any good points ?

fruitboxjury Sat 13-Aug-16 23:37:26

Could she be insecure or jealous of you in any way?

Avoid (if ditching is not entirely possible). Drop off at different spot or time, shop somewhere else.

Skilfull Sat 13-Aug-16 23:45:05

Ditch the bitch

NavyandWhite Sat 13-Aug-16 23:48:15

I'd strangle her!
grin was about to same the same.

Benedikte2 Sat 13-Aug-16 23:49:13

At the school gates I'd say "Can't stop, I'm running late, text me" and then leave.
Avoid phone calls.
If you decide to meet up, quizz her, "Are you sure you can be there by 1pm? Last time you found it difficult" Meet somewhere that's convenient for you to wait, if necessary such as the library or a book shop etc. If she calls to say she's running late say you need to pick something up and for her to call you when she gets there -- you then have to keep her waiting while you get there yourself, which is not unreasonable.
She seems to have a narcissistic type personality . Must be hell to live with
Good luck

bumsexatthebingo Sat 13-Aug-16 23:53:59

You start off saying in your op that she is nice. How is she nice???

Shizzlestix Sat 13-Aug-16 23:57:43

If she's late, text her after 10 minutes and tell her you're too busy to wait round and GO! A mate used to do this so I told her the meeting time was half an hour earlier than it was. Worked a treat.

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