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Not invited to weddings with partner

(117 Posts)
Angelic999 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:35:32

Hi,

I am reaching that age when everybody around me is getting married, as is my dp of around one year (but off and on longer than that).

I have been feeling a bit sensitive and left out of his life and circles of friends as I have not been invited to any of the weddings he will be attending/has attended recently (around seven in total). At first I just brushed it off although I was slightly offended, but now I am beginning to question why I am being left out of so many invitations.

I always thought that if someone was in a relationship, out of courtesy you would extend the invitation to them as well even if you do not know them so well.

I am also paranoid that maybe it is simply that they don't know of my existence. If so this doesn't look positive for our relationship going forwards. He doesn't express an opinion on whether or not I should be invited he just tells me he is going to a wedding.

Any thoughts on plus one etiquette?

Overthinker2016 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:37:07

Have you met his friends?

Pearlman Sat 13-Aug-16 20:37:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

miraclebabyplease Sat 13-Aug-16 20:39:09

Each guests costs a lot of money. I wouldn't invite someone I didn't know, especially if they had only been together for a year. From a year I would have expected to meet a partner. If they aren't close enough to me that I have met them then I am not spending £100 on their dinner.

miraclebabyplease Sat 13-Aug-16 20:39:44

*I have not met

Angelic999 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:41:09

I have met some of his friends in situations like the pub but not often. We split up and since we got back together we have mainly been just spending time together. He won't update Facebook to in a Relationship as claims it is childish. This is why I am wondering how many of his friends especially old uni friends etc even know I exist.

Angelic999 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:42:17

In addition to the day and evening weddings, he has been invited to a few evening dos and I still haven't been invited along.

coffeeslave Sat 13-Aug-16 20:44:24

I'm impressed he's been invited to seven weddings in a year! Does he have a lot lot lot of friends?

Overthinker2016 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:44:32

I'm surprised that even if you are not invited all day you are not invited to the reception (which doesn't cost much).

It makes me wonder if he is passing you off as someone he is seeing casually whereas you refer to him as your partner.

If it was one wedding you were invited to fair enough but seems a bit weird you've not been invited to 7 weddings.

Weddings can be a bore mind you so you are probably not missing much

Overthinker2016 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:45:30

Have you seen the invites?

Was he invited with a plus one but hasn't taken you along?

PatriciaHolm Sat 13-Aug-16 20:45:55

They clearly don't know about you, or think you are a short term fixture/fling. He's not told anyone anything else I'm afraid. If you've been on/off, and he hasn't told friends anything different, their assumption is that you are not a serious partner.

sooperdooper Sat 13-Aug-16 20:45:57

If you don't know the couples well I imagine they just don't feel like offering a plus one when you're not close - it costs a lot to add extra people to weddings. Don't take it personally, it's more likely financial or because their venues have limited space

Do you live with your dp? Some people only view relationships as serious if they live together

Angelic999 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:46:05

He does have a few big circles of friends (work, sports groups, uni, school) and as I say we are at that age when lots of people are getting married around us.

Yes that is what I am starting to think too sad

Nobodysproblem Sat 13-Aug-16 20:46:45

It's very expensive to add one guests sometimes- if it's not clear its v serious, that might be why?

We're only inviting to ours, long term partners of guests we like/people we'd invite even if they were not dating so-and-so.

If these people were having grand weddings with no expense spared, other guests getting plus ones etc. Then I'd be concerned. If not leave them to it smile

Me and my DP have been together 6 yrs and I wasn't invited to a wedding he was invited to last year as it was a small do and I wasn't fussed!

CotswoldStrife Sat 13-Aug-16 20:46:47

It does sound a little odd. When you describe your relationship as 'off and on' is that more than one breakup? Just wondering if they think there is a chance that you will be in an 'off' stage frequently?

Angelic999 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:46:53

His invites that I have seen are addressed to him only. He pins them on his fridge and no mention of a plus one.

Angelic999 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:47:42

The weddings tend to be fairly grand affairs. The last one had 400 guests!!!

Nannawifeofbaldr Sat 13-Aug-16 20:48:33

Are you living together?

It doesn't sound like his friends know about you tbh.

Why not organise a night out with his friends or host a bbq to get to know them.

If he doesn't want to do that you'll have to ask why.

Dozer Sat 13-Aug-16 20:49:19

Why and for how longbwas your relationship "on and off"?

zoobeedoo Sat 13-Aug-16 20:50:56

My ex husband used to not pass on invitations to me as the plus one to weddings, work nights out (partners invited), casual nights out. I thought it was because he was ashamed of me or embarrassed by me, although there was no rational reason for him to be. It turned out he was shagging a number of colleagues and locals in the area he worked (cop). Dick head. Don't settle for someone who doesn't want to show you off.

WiFiFoFum Sat 13-Aug-16 20:50:57

Sounds like he's making it all sound v casual to his friends.

Nobodysproblem Sat 13-Aug-16 20:52:26

400 guests?!? wow. Maybe others don't see the relationship as 'serious'- does your boyfriend see your relationship as a serious long term one?

Angelic999 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:52:42

We were casual for around 6 months then had a break then got back together and over the year has become more serious (well to me anyway)

navylily Sat 13-Aug-16 20:53:08

I would think it rude not to invite someone's partner if they live together, but not if they don't. Though for evening dos then it ought to be fine.

Does sound to me that he doesn't (yet) see the relationship as as permanent as you do. And exactly how is it "childish" to list someone as a BF/GF on FB? Youngsters i know on FB make up a load of rubbish and claim to have 6 wives, but all the older people i know list their partner as their partner.

newname99 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:53:22

When you split up did it end acrimoniously? I just wonder if you were blamed? It does seem to suggest he doesn't talk about you.I think I understand the FB thing as long as he doesn't post other stuff.

Your instinct is telling you something, listen

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