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14 year old dd's friend is pregnant

(164 Posts)
PurpleTango Sat 13-Aug-16 18:59:08

My 14 year old dd has told me that her 14 year old friend is pregnant by a 15 year old boy - We'll call him Tom. She showed me FB pics and girl is definitely pregnant. Friend has not told her parents who the father is. Tom is the grandson of a very good friend of mine. I also have a lot to do with his mother. I babysat for her and her brother many moons ago and see them regularly. I saw both mother and grandmother yesterday - I bumped into them in town and we caught up with family chat. Nothing they said gave me the impression they had any idea that the son/grandson is about to become a father. In fact they told me what a wonderful boy Tom is (as they usually do). He is not "wonderful" and never has been. I really don't think they know half of what he gets up to. AIBU to pretend I have no idea of recent events? The girl hasn't disclosed the identity of her baby's father but both are telling their friends who the father is -and bragging about it- This is not going to end well is it?

Christine88 Sat 13-Aug-16 19:00:12

I'd definitely stay out of it and thank your lucky stars that your daughters not pregnant!

Sorebigtoes Sat 13-Aug-16 19:00:26

YANBU. Don't get involved.

abigwideworld Sat 13-Aug-16 19:01:38

YANBU. It'll all come out if they're telling everyone?

TheWindInThePillows Sat 13-Aug-16 19:01:45

It isn't going to end well and no, you shouldn't get involved.

user1466795981 Sat 13-Aug-16 19:02:04

Dont get involved This would also be my advice ..

DearMrDilkington Sat 13-Aug-16 19:02:16

Yeah don't get involved. What is she bragging about that she slept with Tom or that he won't be around the baby? I'm guessing Tom knows his the father?

RoughMagic Sat 13-Aug-16 19:03:45

Gosh no YANBU. Stay well, well out of it.

Amelie10 Sat 13-Aug-16 19:03:57

Agree with christine, just don't say anything but thankfully it's not your daughter who is in this mess.

JigglypuffsCaptor Sat 13-Aug-16 19:08:02

I'd take a step back from this, the truth will come out if they are telling everyone.

WeAllHaveWings Sat 13-Aug-16 19:11:15

I'm going against the grain here because they are children themselves. Tom is going to be a dad and is entitled to know and also get support from his family on how to handle it.

If it was a close friend of mine I would let them know what I'd heard, but would ask them not to say it came from my dd. I would be disappointed if a friend never told me.

Missgraeme Sat 13-Aug-16 19:14:54

Tell them before the baby is born and it all gets messy. They can offer support to both kids and be a part of the baby's life from the start if that's what they want. . I am a grandma and would hate to have found out further down the line.

EverySongbirdSays Sat 13-Aug-16 19:15:50

I completely understand you not wanting to get involved, getting involved so often goes pear shaped for the bearer of bad tidings.

However if it were my son/daughter I'd want to know and be grateful not hostile that you told me.

You never know how someone will react though.

SonicSpotlight Sat 13-Aug-16 19:15:51

How depressing.

VladmirsPoutine Sat 13-Aug-16 19:18:17

Stay out of it. These things have a way of coming out.

mrsfuzzy Sat 13-Aug-16 19:18:19

i wouldn't get involved, the shite will hit the fan and it's not your business any way, even with your good intentions, give it a couple of months/years and this will be another story on jeremy kyle show.

panegyricS1 Sat 13-Aug-16 19:21:04

What a disaster. This is one of those situations where the adults need to step up, and they can't do that if the silly girl is being coy about naming the father (it's probably a game to them at the moment). I'd tell the grandmother/mother. They must contribute financially if nothing else, assuming that the girl/boy are planning on playing grownups rather than putting the baby up for adoption or whatever.

Goingtobeawesome Sat 13-Aug-16 19:27:07

When they find out you knew will be protecting a 14 year old's daft choice be worth your decades long friendship?

Yellowbird54321 Sat 13-Aug-16 19:28:56

I don't think it's your place to say anything, it's not your business.

AcrossthePond55 Sat 13-Aug-16 19:30:32

Tell his family? No, I wouldn't.

But I'd be sorely tempted to tell the mother-to-be's family. I do think they deserve to know. Did they not know their daughter was seeing this boy?

PurpleTango Sat 13-Aug-16 19:32:09

I agree. Its nothing to do with me. Ill keep out of it. The shit is bound to hit the fan as both "parents" are bragging over social network to their friends. Scary stuff though! The strange thing is Tom is acknowledging that he is the father yet refers to the unborn child as (We'll call her Lucy ) Lucy's baby. I can only think that is because he is still a child and although knows he is the father maybe he is trying to remove himself and thinks the problem might go away?

UnderseaPineapple Sat 13-Aug-16 19:32:45

Oh I'd tell his parents alright. The girls are being immature girls (as 14 year olds are, really) in not letting him know. And why should he be let off the hook of being a father to the child?

Bearer of bad tidings my arse. The family should know and be stepping up to support your daughter's friend and the child their son is having. Both children have done something they aren't ready for and seeing as the girl is going to be left literally holding the baby, he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. Why should she have her life ruined and hos not ruined.

To all who advocate not telling the boy's family' what is your reasoning? Is it that he might be too young to support a baby? Would it be classed a shit stirring?

LunaLoveg00d Sat 13-Aug-16 19:36:35

I would stay out of it - you don't know for sure that Tom is the father, it's all hearsay via a very frightened 14 year old and your daughter. I would be telling your daughter to encourage her friend to tell the truth and that this boy's family could be hugely supportive.

And although this is an awful thing to happen to the friend, hopefully the OP's daughter will see in the most vivid way possible how non-ideal it is to be pregnant at 14.

Iggii Sat 13-Aug-16 19:36:42

If I was Tom's mum I would rather hear from an old friend than from the father of the girlfriend banging on my door at some point.

Griphook Sat 13-Aug-16 19:40:02

Yes you should tell her, she's your friend. She will find out soon. Give them time to get their heads round it first.

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