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To think it was her and not me?

(47 Posts)
bertiesgal Sat 13-Aug-16 16:38:30

My husband works a long day on a Saturday so I'm alone with our four children. I always try to go a walk to get fresh air and feel like I've done something (makes me feel less bad about putting a movie on later in the day blush). I had dd1 walking next to me, ds1 and ds2 in the double buggy and dd2 in the baby carrier (I can only dream of anonymity right now). Ds1 is 3 and had pilfered a dummy. I asked dd1 to take it from him as bending with the baby carrier on is tricky. He started bawling dramatically as soon as the dummy was removed.

I pulled the buggy over, bent down with dd2 hanging out the carrier giggling and spoke firmly with eye contact. I didn't scream or shout but told him to calm down. I started walking again and he continued screaming so I said firmly " stop crying ds1, if you keep this up then you're not getting a treat". I'd promised the kids a visit to the sweet shop as our school holidays end on Monday.

An elderly lady approached me and started screaming at me that I should stop shouting at my son. She told me that I was a terrible mother and that I don't deserve to have children. She told me that she was glad that I wasn't her mother confused. It was horrible and humiliating and I felt shaky and tearful. I told her that I was glad I was t her mother too and walked away.

I honestly wasn't shouting. I speak firmly when I have to. My children are so so loved and part of loving them is making their behaviour socially acceptable so that life is easier for the them and the rest of the world.

So was she just a crazy lady? I've consulted my parents and DH who have reassured me that I'm a great mum and that my kids are lovely and she was bat shit crazy, not that they're biased!

Ach, I just feel horrible about it. It's hard enough getting 2 children and 2 babies out the house without being lambasted. I really hope it's her and not me. As an antidote everyone in the supermarket I went into after it was lovely and I even blurted out what happened to a member of staff who told me that my children are lovely and it had nothing to do with the lady.

LewisAndClark Sat 13-Aug-16 16:41:52

She has issues. It's her, not you.

VladmirsPoutine Sat 13-Aug-16 16:44:49

She was being unreasonable. I can imagine it must be like co-ordinating a small army when you take them all out. Think no more of it!

JenLindley Sat 13-Aug-16 16:44:54

If that happened exactly as you said I'll eat my phone.

Arfarfanarf Sat 13-Aug-16 16:46:28

If you weren't screaming and she said you were screaming then she was certainly in the wrong and you shouldnt give her any more headspace.

There is a difference between speaking firmly and shouting in a child's face. If she saw one and thought the other you arent responsible for that.

gettingtherequickly Sat 13-Aug-16 16:47:06

She might have MH issues.

bertiesgal Sat 13-Aug-16 16:48:47

Thanks guys. Jen, I swear on my life. I thought people made stuff like this up until it happened to me today. I swear this is exactly what happened. The rational part of me thinks that she has mental health issues or early dementia. The irrational part of my brain tells me that I'm dreadful and that she was right. I honestly don't have the energy to enter into an argument with you about how true it is. It's true. I wish I'd bloody filmed it.

NavyandWhite Sat 13-Aug-16 16:49:19

What do you mean JenLindley? Which bit?

TinklyLittleLaugh Sat 13-Aug-16 16:52:32

I believe you OP, a young couple once berated me for being angry with my DCs when all I was doing was calling out to remind them to stay on the pedestrian walkway of the car park. They were 4 and 6 and walking in front while I pushed the trolley.

Some people are bafflingly batshit and project their own issues. It can make you question yourself.

JenLindley Sat 13-Aug-16 16:52:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

kiki22 Sat 13-Aug-16 16:54:17

I never used to believe random people said such rude things out of the blue either until an older man told ds he shouldn't be pushing a toy buggy when he was 2!

Some people are just crazy, rude or like a fight. Its not you and even if you did shout its still not her business

mrsfuzzy Sat 13-Aug-16 16:54:25

you will get people on here who will hmm when you start swearing on my dc's life, that's exactly what happened etc, even if you had raised your voice without realising what does it matter ? don't give this woman anymore thought

bertiesgal Sat 13-Aug-16 16:57:41

Or the woman isn't well? Jeez Jen I do envy your black and white view of the world. I'm going with the fact that she isn't stable. It has never happened to me before and I know deep down that it's not me. Maybe Aibu was the wrong place to post this but I just wanted to share it because it was such an odd experience!

JenLindley Sat 13-Aug-16 16:59:49

It's not a black and white view more really if something doesn't sound quite right then...

LastOneDancing Sat 13-Aug-16 17:01:57

You did nothing wrong.

Anyone who's watched 3-day nanny knows a stern tone is an essential tool if you ever intend to leave the house with toddlers smile

bertiesgal Sat 13-Aug-16 17:03:43

Thank you to everyone for sharing your similar stories and being so nice. Just reassured myself with the fact that dd2 is crazy sensitive and bursts into tears if she hears a raised voice. She was happy as Larry so I definitely wasn't shouting. There, I know I wasn't being awful. Ds2 got an ice cream by the way smile.

Arfarfanarf Sat 13-Aug-16 17:04:33

If only all people were reasonable and rational, eh? Then nobody would say anything inappropriate or wrong or see things in a situation that werent there. Or shout at a stranger. Or read a situation wronglyand go off on one.

But they do.

We werent there. It is of course possible that the op was shouting. But it is entirely possible that she wasnt and this person behaved exactly as described. Because sometimes people do.

And since we werent there and the op was what is to be gained by saying nah you were shouting. Op knows if she was or not. She says not. Why would she lie? To a bunch of strangers on the net? Lying doesnt change what actually happened. And if she's upset what's gained by making her feel worse?

RebelRogue Sat 13-Aug-16 17:07:37

I'm a "shouty" mum but even if it was me and someone came and said all that they'd still be in the wrong.

JenLindley Sat 13-Aug-16 17:09:37

Actually I haven't said OP was shouting. I've said either she was or the lady didn't say all that. something about it doesn't match up to me. Maybe I have that something wrong but I'm not sure it happened as presented.

As for why would anyone lie on the Internet to strangers? I wish I knew but so many do! grin

J0kersSmile Sat 13-Aug-16 17:09:51

I also never used to believe stories like this and then had something similar happen to me.

A woman came up to me and started shouting at me because me and dd were wearing coats and ds wasn't. Even when I told her his coat was in his backpack she carried on berating me for treating my Ds differently. I told her to fuck off and posted about it on aibu and no one believed me.

Crazy shit really does happen and once you're a mum it seems to give a reason for horrible judgements and comments. People see a snapshot of your life judge it wrong and feel they have a divine right to comment on it.

willowtreecottage Sat 13-Aug-16 17:13:55

You are actually allowed to shout bertiesgirl . Some parents might choose to, but it is an opportunity.
So, that woman she have minded her own.
Yes, she was wrong & she was unreasonable. wink
Have a nice evening,and try to forget it.

willowtreecottage Sat 13-Aug-16 17:14:33

Choose not to.

willowtreecottage Sat 13-Aug-16 17:15:17

Oh my goodness, l she have checked my phone!
Opportunity?
No, option.

applesvpears Sat 13-Aug-16 17:15:21

People can over react and be rude. I will add a story.

I was in local shop the other day with DD in pushchair and I wanted to sit on the set of seats they have there so I could sort my purse out/put shopping in the pram securely etc. There was a woman and 5 kids by the seats, one seat was not being sat on, just a little girl standing next to it. I asked her very nicely if I could sit down just for a second. She moved out the way. As I got up to leave the mum glared at me and loudly said to her daughter "it's okay darling NOW you can sit down" then carried on glaring at me as I left, giving me the evils.

I completely get how you feel, it is unnecessary behaviour.

If your lady has something wrong with her though, can't be helped of course.

CalmItKermitt Sat 13-Aug-16 17:16:58

You sound nice. She sounds utterly bats. Don't worry about it.

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