to not want to do this again?(13 Posts)
We are just back from a weeks camping with friends. Friend A came with her son (9) and her friends daughter (10). Her son has considerable disabilities and is non verbal, needs help with most things but is happy sat on the grass with some toys. Friend B came with her son who also has considerable disabilities but is full on running off, grabbing things, knocking cups off tables, throwing things and attacking other children if he's not happy. I went with dp and my dd 10 who has autism.
So Friend A had a tent which dp and I helped her set up. DD and the other girl spent the whole week together, mainly in the pool or park and were pretty happy just running about. We also had a large tent which dp and I set up and Friend B slept in that with her son and us. We also supplied most of the camping equipment, fridge, lots of food and all the other general camping stuff. We picked friend B up from the station and drove her to the site.
The issue is Friend B did very little in terms of helping out at the camp and didn't contribute much towards food although she was happy buying her son's food. We (dp, me and friend A) did ALL the cooking for the entire week and most of the clearing up. I know her son is hard work but just an offer to cook one meal out of the whole week would have been nice. I took her son out with the two girls one morning for a couple of hours to give her a break, took him swimming another time and also took him out for half an hour this morning to let her get her own stuff sorted in peace.
She did contribute to the holiday (it cost £400 for the week's pitch) and I asked her for £100 contribution which I thought was fair. Friend A paid for her pitch.
Aibu to just not want to go on holiday with her again? I feel it could shatter the friendship because I feel utterly worn out, resentful and a bit pissed off at paying for nearly everything, doing most of the bloody work at the camp and not being appreciated. I am sure she's had a lovely holiday while I don't feel like I've had a holiday at all.
It doesn't sound like you've had much of a break. Well you'll know what to do next year
I don't understand why you're even asking. She took the piss, she's a user.
If you offered to do all of these things YABU. If she just sat back and expected to be waited on hand and foot YANBU.
Some people are not good at camping and don't know what to do but if she just sat around and didn't offer then she is obviously one of life's takers.
I certainly never offered to do everything (I'm disabled myself and I'm in a lot of pain today) but she certainly didn't either. She has been camping before, we've been in a much larger group for the last three years but this year was just us and the two friends and the kids. Dp and I cooked on day one, I cooked on day 2, dp and friend A cooked on day 3, friend A cooked on day 4, we were out on day five, dp and I cooked on days six and seven.
Friend B did sort her son's food out, ordered him takeaway and bought things for him but not group food or offers to get anything for anyone else or to cook. She did wash up a couple of times.
Did she think her £100 contribution included food? You say she bought her sons food, did she cook that or did she expect you to cook it?
I think you need to be a little clearer with what's expected as in 'we will cook tomorrow, them tonight are you okay fine Monday', give her the option or ordering a take away if she feels overwhelmed by crowd cooking. Same with the chores. Some people are doers and others needs reminding to do their bit. It's up to you if you want to give her another chance or not.
Sorry, cross post. You answered a lot of the questions. I would give it a swerve next year
How much did she pay for food? If you do go again, have a shared food budget and say to her 'What do you fancy cooking for dinner/tea tonight friend B? Do you need a hand with anything or do you want us to leave you to it?' Also, when you're cooking, give her jobs to do like setting the table/ chopping etc. Some people need to be instructed.
I don't blame you for not wanting to do it again under those circs.
But I do have to say, why didn't you ASK her? Say "Friend B, what are you planning to cook for dinner tonight?" or "that was such a good meal that Friend A cooked, looking forward to seeing what you're going to produce, Friend B!" - anything that would have given her the hint that she was meant to contribute!
Some people are natural helpers, some need to be given a
massive hint to help. And some are lazy-arse users. Only you can know whether Friend B is a massive hint person, or a lazy-arse user - if the former, then maybe have her along again but GIVE her the massive hints; if the latter, don't bother again.
It seems as though she thought you were taking her on holiday! She must have had a great week, having her food cooked for and only paying £100 for the pitch.
Surely on that sort of holiday one person takes the children off to play while the other stays at the tent and prepares the next meal? She bought takeaways for her son (doubt they helped him with his running around) but didn't prepare anything else? That is really selfish.
I feel incredibly guilty because she's lovely but it just seemed that any time anything needed to be done she'd say her son needed changed or she was taking him to the pool or the park.
She didn't pay for any food shopping except about £10 towards a shop we all did one day. Other than that, myself or friend A did the shopping and paid for it. Friend A and I also paid half each for the takeaway we had while out one day. There was no offer to contribute towards that either.
I do feel like I've been a bit of a mug. I'm just so tired now and didn't even have the energy to say anything when she was raving about her relative driving two hours to pick her up and how kind and helpful that was.
Meh. Lesson learned.
But she's actually NOT nice, she's a piss taker. I'd drop her. Nobody needs s parasite.
But why be so passive? If you say "can you cook tomorrow night?" and "your third of the shopping bill is £46" then it would be hard for her to wriggle out of it.
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