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I'm still so angry and upset about our wedding photos.

(43 Posts)
LewisAndClark Sat 13-Aug-16 14:35:50

We were talked into letting my best friend's husband take the photos. He was an amateur photographer and I liked what he'd done before so thought it would be a lovely thing to do.

It didn't save us any money as we paid an extortionate amount for them and their children to stay in the hotel in return.

The photos were shit. There's one nice one which we've had framed but the others were really crap. He took loads of his own family. None of my sister. He took a creepy shot (on purpose, and he was really proud of it) that made it look like Dh was about to snog my mum. He also photoshopped that one 'for a laugh' to put DH's hand on my mums arse.

So that was all bad enough. But a couple of years later he actually assaulted me. Long story but basically he was out drinking with Dh, he left him in the pub and let himself in my back door (which was open for Dh to get in without using the noisy front door). I was asleep on the sofa and woke up to him sticking his tongue in my mouth. He then groped me and said some awful suggestive stuff, tried to get me to go to bed and said he'd let himself out. He eventually left.

I had him arrested but ultimately the cps dropped the charges. His wife cut me out completely and hasn't spoken to me since.

So obviously there's a lot of emotion tied up in the photos and it really upsets me that I don't have a beautiful photographic reminder of what was an amazing day.

My wonderful friend had a candid shot of us on the day and her DP (who is a very talented artist) painted it for us, so I have that, and it's wonderful.

But I get so jealous seeing other people's gorgeous wedding albums and just feel that the whole miserable experience has ruined my memories of the day.

Not really sure what I'm posting for, actually. It was just on my mind earlier and I needed to get my thoughts down.

We've been married six years, so none of this is recent. I'm just dwelling on it really.

witchofzog Sat 13-Aug-16 14:39:45

That is totally shit for you and I fully understand why you feel like that. Could you afford a blessing so you could get some more photos ?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sat 13-Aug-16 14:40:21

I remember your thread under another nn, when he let himself in and assaulted you, twat!

Might be a daft idea but could you recreate the day and have photos taken of you and dh?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 13-Aug-16 14:41:09

Iirc there were some lovely photos posted on here at the time. You looked very happy.

Could you ask around your family and friends to see if they have any photos from the day and you could make an album of the best ones? I'm not a fan of posed wedding photos but I adore all those shots of people just having a great time.

I'm sorry about the revolting turd who assaulted you and I'm sorry your friend betrayed you. That's shit sad

LewisAndClark Sat 13-Aug-16 14:41:53

I thought about recreating it but I'm now a size sixteen and my beautiful dress is a small ten.

We might have a blessing for our tenth anniversary. Just a small one, and we'll get a proper photographer. That's a really good idea.

RosieandJim89 Sat 13-Aug-16 14:42:47

I am sorry they have been tainted by this incident and not very good to start with. Ours weren't great so I have an idea how you feel and it is disappointing.

LewisAndClark Sat 13-Aug-16 14:44:31

It was such a lovely day (with several MNers in attendance grin) and I have great memories of it. It just guts me that I don't have lovely shiny professional photos of it to look over.

I do have several candid shots that other people took though so it's not a total bust.

Whinyleonard Sat 13-Aug-16 14:45:00

We had an utterly shut wedding spoiled by our families. We have since renewed our vows and treat that as our day. We have nothing left from the original ones

eurochick Sat 13-Aug-16 14:45:03

That sounds awful. I agree with the idea of asking friends and family for their pics. I set up a Dropbox after my wedding and asked guests to put their photos in it. Some of my favourites from the day are snaps rather than the professional shots.

NPowerShitShower Sat 13-Aug-16 14:46:22

Why was the case against him dropped? I'm sure you'd feel much better if he was actually punished for assaulting you. What a horrid thing to have happened!

YoungGirlGrowingOld Sat 13-Aug-16 14:46:44

He's an utter twat, but I think the photos are probably more of a deflection from your anger about being assaulted. FWIW I paid a fortune for mine, did loads of research and still only like one of them! It's not that important. Most people's wedding albums are collecting dust in the attic. If you had a range of gorgeous photos (and no backstory) you would probably look at them no more than once a month!

It's understandable that you are disappointed but the marriage is much more important than the pics. They are nothing more than photos of one day in your life. Recreating the day would be silly imo. DH and I will splash out on a photographer again in future - maybe at DS naming ceremony - and I will try harder not to gurn next time smile

80schild Sat 13-Aug-16 14:46:49

Have you considered counselling?

elderberryflower Sat 13-Aug-16 14:47:15

Contact friends and family and ask them to send you their best pictures- I'm sure there will be enough to make an album as digital cameras were everywhere then. The only wedding picture that we have up was taken by a friend as a quick snap, not one of the 'proper' ones. Alternatively get a photographer to take some pictures of you now?

LewisAndClark Sat 13-Aug-16 14:49:16

The cps wouldn't proceed with it. The officer in charge was lovely and spent two hours with me while I cried when he came to tell me it was being dropped. He said he could see right through him and that he'd eventually slip up and be punished.

He was actually sacked from his job some time after for sexual harassment (my brother worked with him). So some sort of comeuppance.

LewisAndClark Sat 13-Aug-16 14:51:03

80s, I actually have a fucktonne of MH problems and have a lot of therapy for them. I've never actually brought up what happened but think I probably need to. It's obviously still on my mind.

ImperialBlether Sat 13-Aug-16 14:51:04

Why wasn't he charged, given what he did? It's appalling that he wasn't.

How did you have so many Mumsnetters at your wedding? Didn't any of them take a photo?

ImperialBlether Sat 13-Aug-16 14:51:41

Sorry, cross post re prosecution.

AWaspOnAWindowInAHeatwave Sat 13-Aug-16 14:51:53

I remember your other thread too OP.

I think it's a great idea to have a blessing / family party with a proper photographer - it doesn't have to be for your 10th anniversary, why not make it sooner?

As for the dress, treat yourself and get a different one that looks just as gorgeous on your new shape - wearing the original one would make you feel "staged" anyway and remind you of the association between your wedding day and the crappy wedding photos taken by a dickhead.

(My wedding dress was £20 from Asos - i felt a million dollars in it. And I do second the idea of asking friends and family for a "scrapbook" of all their shots - all my wedding photos were taken by the guests on their smartphones as we couldn't afford a photographer, they're all fuzzy, wonky, lop-sided and out of focus - I like them as they look like photos of a family day, not staged at all).

LewisAndClark Sat 13-Aug-16 14:54:50

Lots of MNers (well, three) as they are RL friends.

I'll ask everyone for their photos, thanks for the suggestions.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 13-Aug-16 15:01:51

Lewis I'm sorry all that has happened to you 💐

I don't understand the CPS at all. My friend is currently being prosecuted for something (racist) that he absolutely didn't do, but it's the one guys word against my friend. No witnesses. He's going through hell - we can't believe it's got this far. Seems if you're the innocent party you can't win 🙁

IMO you need to thnk about how great your wedding day was (and presumably good your marriage is?) then go about 'over writing' the photo part. Get in touch with everyone who attended & ask them to send you any photos they have - just say you want to make a 'fun' album or montage. Then do that. Get yourself (if you haven't got one) a good photo printer & high quality photo paper & make yourselves an album that you love. Do it thinking about the day, the dress, the guests, the moments - do it positively and I'm sure it'll help.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 13-Aug-16 15:03:03

Cross posted with you & others...

DocMcFanjo Sat 13-Aug-16 15:03:33

OP I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experienceflowers.

One thing I did after my wedding was to sit down and write out my memories of the day in a little journal- the night before, the nervously excited preparation, how I felt saying the vows and how DH smiled at me, my rather macho brother welling up as he recited a reading...

Corny but such a lovely account to re-read and it brings it to life more than even photos could.

Might that be something you could do? I know it's been a while but I'm sure you have some precious abiding memories of the day that only you can know. Write them down for your DC in years to come!

happypoobum Sat 13-Aug-16 15:03:40

This is awful OP.

I do think talking about this to your counsellor would be a good idea though as, to be honest, most people I know don't really look at their wedding photos ever often, so it does seem to be something you are focussing on rather than addressing trying to resolve your feelings about the horrible thing that he did to you flowers

I hope you get some lovely photos back from your friends.

LewisAndClark Sat 13-Aug-16 15:06:17

The journal is a lovely idea, I'll sit with Dh tomorrow and we'll do that. Thank you.

LewisAndClark Sat 13-Aug-16 15:07:21

ExtraHot, I'm sorry for what your friend is going through. It's nuts what they will proceed with and what they won't. It's a lottery imo.

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