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DH needs to stop asking me questions and get on with it FFS

(21 Posts)
BigSandyBalls2015 Sat 13-Aug-16 13:29:07

I'm getting ready to go out to a hen afternoon/evening. DH is at work until about 2.30.

We have two teen DDs. One is at a sleepover from last night and will need picking up later, tricky location for public transport. She's then going to a party, another parent is taking them, I've asked DH to pick up at 11/12.

The other teen is desperate to go shopping for holiday clothes but none of her mates are available and she's asked DH to go with her later, which I think is a lovely opportunity for a bit of 1-1.

All this seems very straightforward to me but I'm getting tons of texts from DH with a hundred bloody questions on the logistics of it all. It's suddenly dawned on me that he's been protected from the bustle of family life as I usually do all of this sort of stuff as he works much longer hours than I do, but for once I feel he needs to step up and deal with it it, and text the teens if he wants more info, not me!

I bet he texts all afternoon which will piss me off. He hasn't got s problem with me going out at all but seems to struggle with normal family life.

His latest text is asking if DD should go to the party at all, as IT IS A BOY'S PARTY, shock horror and he doesn't know him. DD has been very up front about asking to go, telling us where it is etc, friends of hers are going and she's being dropped off and picked up. She's 16 in a few months!

LRDtheFeministDragon Sat 13-Aug-16 13:35:50

Text back saying you're sure he'll be fine, and you're heading out into the garden to do the weeding all afternoon and will keep an ear out for the landline? Then he won't constantly text.

But honestly, he's being a bit useless.

NapQueen Sat 13-Aug-16 13:36:09

I'd just say "X, presumably you manage to get through a day at work without asking a zillion questions so handling two competent teenage kids ought to be a Doddle. My phone is going off and I will see you when I get back"

someonestolemynick Sat 13-Aug-16 13:38:59

Perhaps you need to step back and let the three of them work it out among themselves.

I feel quite sorry for him because it sounds as if he had very little input on the arrangement of his Saturday and is expected to chauffeur his almost adult daughters around based on decisions you made.

TheNaze73 Sat 13-Aug-16 13:42:24

I agree with someone

Sounds like Dadcabs at the ready

MyballsareSandy2015 Sat 13-Aug-16 13:44:30

I haven't made any decisions except going out!

SirChenjin Sat 13-Aug-16 13:44:57

Sounds v familiar OP.

DH is a great bloke and a wonderful dad, but having returned to work f/t recently after years of p/t work, I've become v aware of how much of the family organising and co-ordinating I've done over the years. I'm making a conscious effort to step back and to remind the DCs that their dad will know answer to that question too, but I think we've fallen into a pattern over the years that will take a while to break.

Flisspaps Sat 13-Aug-16 13:46:00

Turn your phone off, have a great time!

pigsDOfly Sat 13-Aug-16 13:52:38

My exh still does this sort of thing all the time with our adult DC who are twice your DCs' age. It drives me mad.

He will ring me and ask me to pass on messages to them when he's already left the same message on their voicemail.

When I tell him to make his arrangements with them and leave me out of it he'll mumble something about making sure.

I think it's some sort of need of reassurance through lack of confidence in the given situation - my exh wasn't very involved with the DC when they were growing up.

Nip this in the bud now OP or, like me, you'll still be doing it when they're adults.

someonestolemynick Sat 13-Aug-16 13:55:26

The other teen is desperate to go shopping for holiday clothes but none of her mates are available and she's asked DH to go with her later, which I think is a lovely opportunity for a bit of 1-1. *

Apologies, if I'm reading a bit too much into this but this paragraph really struck me. To me it reads like: daughter asked to go clothes shopping on Saturday, i won't be there so dad will take her. It will be a lovely opportunity to spend 1-1 time together.

And the whole post reads a bit like that: daughter: can we do x? But I need a lift.
You: Ok, dad will do it.

Is there a reason btw your daughters need that many lifts? I grew up in a remote village and at 16 made my day into town on my own.
The lift home from the party sounds sensible, but everything else should be doable for a competent 16-year-old.

I would just step back and let TH and the girls work it out among themselves.

NickiFury Sat 13-Aug-16 13:55:29

Oh yes poor old Dad! WTF?!

He isn't involved in family life or he would already know what to do and would be arranging all this himself wouldn't he?

I cannot comprehend how he can be seen as being hard done to in such a situation.

pinkyredrose Sat 13-Aug-16 13:57:20

Turn your phone off!

Ninasimoneinthemorning Sat 13-Aug-16 13:58:18

He might not have an issue with you going out but it looks like he is trying to make it a bit of an ordeal just to get out.

I would actually just ignore the messages now - unless that will piss him off and 'trigger' an argument ...

AnyFucker Sat 13-Aug-16 14:06:42

Turn off your phone

Let them get on with it

Mummy martyrs do no good to anyone

Somerville Sat 13-Aug-16 14:10:15

Assuming that your DH is also their father, then YY to turning your phone off.

If he can hold down a job he can look after two teenagers without assistance or advice.

DinosaursRoar Sat 13-Aug-16 14:59:13

turn off your phone.

But - you do appear to have scheduled up all his time when you are away for him, which is a bit like treating him like your cover staff, rather than telling your DDs "I'm away that weekend, you need to talk to dad to make plans." and make it his decision about what's happening without your involvement - as you have planned out all his time, it's not that unreasonable of him to ask you how you envisaged all this happening and ask you for details. It's hard if it's normally down to you to plan everything to stop when you aren't going to be there, but if you don't want him to act like it's your job and he's just covering, you need to act that way too.

RageAgainstTheTagine Sat 13-Aug-16 15:16:23

I like to play a game of 'who can use their own brain' when my husband gets like this. Firstly, never answer the questions. Then, play SOOOO dumb, that he actually has to think about things.
"What time does school finish?"
"I'm not sure, is it the same every day?"
"....yes, isn't it!? What time do you usually do it?"
"After I've had my afternoon cup of tea, while trisha is on"
"What time is that?"
"Hmmm, well, it's after flying doctors, but before countdown, so, early afternoon??"

He then magically gets angry as I know it's 3.30, and always has been, but he wanted to save his brain and use mine instead.

LifeGotInTheWay Sat 13-Aug-16 15:28:43

Rage I feel like you have just given me the meaning of life, that's so good!

I can never quite adequately describe to DH what he's doing when he does that, but yes, he tries to use my brain when if he just stopped and thought for a second he definitely knows the answer. I'm so going to try that although think it will take some practise!

Kungfupandaworksout16 Sat 13-Aug-16 16:40:55

So you're annoyed because he wants too clarify a few things? confused Maybe he's trying to get it out of the way now rather than disturb your night out.

GabsAlot Sun 14-Aug-16 13:30:39

men eh

how come theyb dont know what tie school finishes-its not that hard or theyve never taken an interest

if you live in a remote place it is hard to get transport at 16 they wont drive yet

Hotwaterbottle1 Sun 14-Aug-16 13:45:49

Rage, didnt even know Trisha was still on lol!

I'd just tell him to text DDs & arrange between themselves. My stbx does this constantly.

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