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To be sick of his whinging?!

(30 Posts)
Msqueen33 Fri 12-Aug-16 22:04:19

My dh is 34. He works about 40 minutes away in a semi stressful job. He works hard but he enjoys it and he's probably the less stressed he's been in years. But he has no get up and go at all. I became a sahm a few years ago because of our dc having autism. We've now got three kids and two have autism. I'm exhausted a lot of the time. My dh couldn't get much time off over summer as his boss was away and it was a newish job. Anyway my dad and I are taking the kids abroad and it involves a long drive. I've said as he's got two weekends on his own including the bank hol that he'll get a lot of down time which is fair enough but would he be okay to do some jobs that are hard to do with the kids around. His reply "I'll probably be really tired". He's always tired and seems to really lack any sense of adventure and get up and go and it's really frustrating.

Familyof3or4 Fri 12-Aug-16 22:05:13

Is he depressed?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Fri 12-Aug-16 22:07:32

He's bored because he's boring?

YouTheCat Fri 12-Aug-16 22:09:41

How old are your kids? Do you get a break ever?

hazeimcgee Fri 12-Aug-16 22:21:13

All the above. Tell him that he'll surely be less tired than when he's co-parenting three kids so esentially suck it up!

Msqueen33 Fri 12-Aug-16 22:34:57

Kids are 7,6 and 3. I don't get a break normally as he's working all week. I'm happy to make time for his hobbies. He sees a friend once a week and plays sport. He's not depressed I don't think he mostly seems happy enough he just lacks energy. I have thought about saying if he had the kids all the time he'd know what tired actually was but he'd get all snipey. I didn't think I was being unreasonable when he'd have two weeks of evenings to himself and two whole weekends one of which is a three day weekend. It's just a few small bits like putting another coat of paint on some door frames, maybe having a car boot nothing major really.

missbishi Fri 12-Aug-16 23:16:53

Might be sensible for him to see the GP and rule out any physical causes.

GettingScaredNow Fri 12-Aug-16 23:24:28

My STBXH was always tired.
It took him a year (yes an entire year) to plane a section of door frame. He actually only decided the time was right to do it after I had given up waiting and painted the fucking thing. Then I came home one day to find he had planed it and I then had to sand, prep and paint it all over again angry

This tiredness plagued our marriage. It's discontent. And indecision. And self importance. And indifference to anyone that isn't him.
Basically, he's a teenager at heart and you being away for 2 weeks means he gets to be a teenager again.
And you asking him to do grown up man of the house stuff is ruining his 2 weeks of regression!

Missgraeme Fri 12-Aug-16 23:31:05

Buy him a 12 pack of Lucozade and tell him to join your world!!

YouTheCat Fri 12-Aug-16 23:32:50

Tell him to get on with it. He's a lazy twat.

Smurfnoff Fri 12-Aug-16 23:35:04

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YouTheCat Fri 12-Aug-16 23:36:09

When does the OP get time off, Smurf?

MarcelineTheVampire Fri 12-Aug-16 23:37:14

Smurf you'd drown her?

Smurfnoff Fri 12-Aug-16 23:37:52

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LaurieFairyCake Fri 12-Aug-16 23:37:58

I don't know about this

Not entirely sure I'd like a list of jobs while my family went on holiday without me

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Fri 12-Aug-16 23:40:43

You are choosing to take the DC away which results in your DH having some free time by himself - if the situation was reversed then how would you feel if your DH 'suggested' that you spend your free time giving the house a full spring clean and sorting the garden out?

MarcelineTheVampire Fri 12-Aug-16 23:44:04

Smurf you are very unkind. OP didn't moan about looking after the children.

YouTheCat Fri 12-Aug-16 23:44:14

It's 2 weeks. I don't imagine it'll be much of a break for the OP, with 3 kids (2 on the spectrum). I wonder when the husband looks after his own kids, Smurf?

She's asking for a small amount of painting. It's called contributing to the family. Or should the OP shove a paint brush up her arse and do it herself whilst looking after the kids? angry

Kalopsia77 Fri 12-Aug-16 23:47:27

smurfnoff you are being a dick.
OP painting a few door frames sounds ok but doing a car boot sale?! On his own? Does that not mean getting up at stupid o'clock on a weekend morning, hefting a load of stuff into the car then setting up/selling stuff/being nice to randomers all morning? I work full time and I would never agree to that while my family were on holiday! Or any other time tbh. Enjoy your hols, let him enjoy his evenings and weekends. Poor bloke!

DoinItFine Fri 12-Aug-16 23:48:56

I think it's shite enough that you can't just take it for granted that he'd use this time to.do something useful along with all the rest he'll be getting.

He sounds like a shit adult.

Kalopsia77 Fri 12-Aug-16 23:52:15

Oh and I hope you get time to yourself too OP when he gets annual leave! Works both ways. I would literally go mental if I didn't get proper time alone with nothing to do and it must be doubly hard with SEN kids. It sounds like you are both exhausted

Smurfnoff Sat 13-Aug-16 00:00:54

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Msqueen33 Sat 13-Aug-16 05:50:39

I pnly suggested a list as he just doesn't see jobs that need doing. Car boot wise one of us would need to go alone anyway as we couldn't both go and take the kids. If I didn't suggest anything i would come back to nothing and he'd say he didn't know what needed doing. He's obviously welcome to down time and I expect him to have a rest. I did say he could fly over to join us for a long weekend but he didn't seem too fussed. He's quite a lazy adult. I love my kids but yes it is quite exhausting especially as the youngest is three doesn't talk and is essentially a baby.

topcat2014 Sat 13-Aug-16 07:18:00

I am in two minds: I hate diy, and so don't do it. Fortunately we can afford to get people in to do stuff that has to be done. Decorating is not leisure for me. I don't always 'see' all this lifestyle jobs list that DW keeps track of in her head. To me, the plant pots etc can just go hang.

As for a jobs list while others are on holiday - no thanks.

However, being lazy and self centred whilst others are working - that's not on.

topcat2014 Sat 13-Aug-16 07:19:26

Will the car boot actually be worthwhile? Wouldn't it be simpler to take everything to the tip, and try and save the twenty quid you could make elsewhere?

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