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To feel guilty? 'Friend' related.

(13 Posts)
user1466795981 Fri 12-Aug-16 20:26:40

One of the things I like best about mumsnet is being able to read threads that relate to problems I have - and so many of us it seems suffer some kind of problems with friends - toxic friends, how to end a friendship while causing the least offence etc.
There are enough people with bad intentions out there and I've had the misfortune to cross paths with a few - but I kind of feel guilty 'cos a young woman I met over the internet wanted more friends generally - I really think she was genuine - I know you can't tell on the internet - and I kinda feel guilty 'cos she made much more effort than me and it's now all fizzleld out with her - but I think she wanted to meet up in real life - she gave me her phone number - I didn't give her mine - not that I didn't like her - I think she was genuine and really wanted to make more friends - it's just that 'cos I've had a lot of bad experiences generally, I don't want to carry over a friend I chat to on the internet - into real life - iyswim. I think I've done the right thing but I still feel guilty and a bit sad. She was really nice. This was NOT on Mumsnet, I may add.

hazeimcgee Fri 12-Aug-16 20:46:23

It's a vit like internet dating. Something's are better left on "paper" but if you genuinely like this girl, why nkt just message her and suggest coffee. It doesn't have to end in bff's

Iloveunicorncuddles Fri 12-Aug-16 20:49:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iloveunicorncuddles Fri 12-Aug-16 20:50:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1466795981 Fri 12-Aug-16 20:53:41

hazeimcgee - thanks for the reassurance - - she's not local really. Other thing is - she seems really nice I just sense we don't have much in common. - which makes me feel guilty.

hazeimcgee Fri 12-Aug-16 21:16:45

Don't feel guilty for not having stuff in common. You could do one coffee and see what the vibe is like - i have amazing friends who on paper are totally opposite me but who i just click with. However, it might be leading her on abit if you really feel you just want to move on

Really want to know what thread iloveunicorns is on

frozenfairy123 Fri 12-Aug-16 21:21:32

Maybe u just don't have the energy for another friend? Do u feel she is needy?
I had someone want to be friends with me that I met in a baby group but I felt like we weren't on the same page and she seemed v needy. At the time I had my own problems and wasn't prepared to take on hers. Forgive yourself and move on. The right person will be grateful to have a nice friend xxx

user1466795981 Fri 12-Aug-16 22:04:09

hazeimcgee - I think that was a Father Christmas thread!!

frozenfairy123 - she seems lovely, perhaps a little 'needy', has not had the best of luck on the relationship front. She lives about 3 hours drive away and I don't feel we share a lot of common ground. sad

sonjadog Fri 12-Aug-16 22:10:51

I have had similar experiences. I just said that I already had a busy life and friends where I live and that I just didn´t have time to meet up with the other person. I made it clear that it was nothing to do with them and how nice they are, it was all to do with me and what I had time for (which was true). The person seemed okay about it.

hazeimcgee Fri 12-Aug-16 22:13:10

Let her down nicely

(Off to find Santa thread altho reading NOS4R2 so maybe avoid Santa...)

user1466795981 Fri 12-Aug-16 22:19:22

sonjadog - that's good that she took it OK. It's just that I don't know if anyone is like me, but if you have to sort of 'reject' a 'friend' - even if excellent reason - which would make it more sensible actually in the circs to 'reject' them - i.e. job relocation 100 miles away or something - you still feel REALLY guilty doing it?!!! I do!

sonjadog Fri 12-Aug-16 22:22:18

Yeah, I did feel bad. Still did it though!

IreallyKNOWiamright Sat 13-Aug-16 19:32:33

Had similar experience. A girl I know always texts saying hi how are you? So I try and engage with conversation but then only ever get back 'oh' 'yeah' 'oh dear'.
However she is a nice girl but it's just so frustrating she never has a proper conversation in real life or messages.

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