To think my 2-year-old has enough toys?(8 Posts)
I'm actually not sure if I'm BU - have nc as this is fairly identifying and am slightly concerned this will be seen as stealth boasty in one direction or the other but it's really not intended to be.
Essentially, I am not sure if my DS is hard done by/ lucky or somewhere in between. My DM thinks he is very very hard done by and we have actually just had a massive row about it which precipitated this thread. We've just been away visiting family at the beach for a couple of days and she was horrified that apart from a bucket and spade, we hadn't bought anything new for DS while we were away, which is on top of us only getting him one thing for his birthday last month. She says we are mean and relying on her and other family to 'fill in the gaps' - I don't think that is fair, as while they obviously buy him birthday and Christmas presents etc, we don't 'expect' them to buy him things at any other time, though occasionally they do.
She is very much a things = love person, though. My DBro and I were showered with 'stuff' our whole childhoods and while in many ways it was lovely it has definitely given me a skewed view on possessions - I remember loving going to stay with GPs etc as a child as I could only take a few bits with me and it was nice to be able to set everything out tidily etc. The pressure of constantly being admonished to take care of/ appreciate/ play with/ curate mountains and mountains of things, most of which we didn't ask for or really want is something I don't want my son to have. But I also don't want to swing too far the other way and stop him having a 'normal' amount of stuff. In addition, DH and I are in very different financial circumstances to my parents, and don't have the space or the money for buy as much. We prefer to spend what we do have on doing stuff like taking him swimming, or even little things like out for tea rather than new toys. Plus he goes to nursery 3 days a week and has loads of toys to play with there.
But - he does seem to have very little compared to friends' kids of similar ages and his cousins. They all have massive playrooms full of toys. So I do wonder if my mum has a point. So - here is a photo of probably 90% of his toys. As well as what is shown here he has:
-A small toy kitchen with plates, cups and wooden food that can be cut up.
-Some other 'musical' toys - a drum/ harmonica/ handbells etc.
-A scooter, a ball and a frisbee for taking to the park.
-A ride-on fire engine.
-Some bath toys and a bubble machine for the bath.
-Lots of drawing stuff, stickers and crayons.
-A folding dolls buggy.
-About 15 cuddly toys
that he largely shows no interest in.
-Lots of books.
I am aware that some of his toys are getting a bit babyish - but everything here he still plays with. I'm more than happy to buy new things for him, but not just for the sake of it.
I don't know - I'm just feeling really shit about this and it's stupid as at the end of the day what matters is that he's happy and we aren't bankrupt. My DM always seems to know what buttons to push though to make me feel like an awful mum.
Genuinely looks and sounds more than enough to me, OP. Our DS (almost 2) has much less in fact, although we will get him one or two of the things you have - either a scooter/ride on or a kitchen - for his birthday.
He happily plays most of the time we are indoors with a train set, stickers, books, some cuddly toys and jigsaw puzzles. We try to get out as much as possible so he doesn't need that much at home, like you do with your DS and also like you he goes to nursery full time and they have loads of fun stuff there! Much more than we could provide.
You're being sensible to limit the toys you buy for him - you would soon run out of space if you had much more at this age! Don't feel guilty. It's a shame your DM is pushing those buttons - you're teaching DS not to be so materialistic which is a great lesson. He needs love and for you to engage with him, which you are doing, not bags of useless bits. Sounds like you're a wonderful mum who is building lovely memories for her child with all the experiences he gets. Much better than plastic crap.
You must know in your heart of hearts that your mother is being totally unreasonable, but it is hard not to doubt yourself as a parent. Most toys keep a two year old amused for about ten minutes, a few gems that allow him to be creative, develop motor skills and use his imagination are far better than loads of tat.
That's fine in my opinion, in fact I keep having a similar conversation with my DM and MIL they always want to buy my nearly 2yo and 5mo toys which they just don't need.
I held onto a lot of 2yo's baby toys when I found out I was regnant and our house feels too cluttered and 70% of the stuff they have never gets played with.
I was also over showered with gifts when I was a child and my DM still goes way OTT at Christmases and birthdays now and it's awkward. Last year she made a point of telling me how much she spent on me and I felt embarrassed.
Keep toys and gifts modest and he will cherish them even more and be excited when he gets a new one without over valuing material possessions.
My 2 4-year-olds are in currently in the dark downstairs cloakroom with a torch and have been for 3 minutes. With 3 dc our house is full of toys and only a fraction get played with.
That looks and sounds like a similar amount of toys to what my just-two DD1 has. Limiting it is good! In fact, she already has more than she can play with, more would be overwhelming.
Having said that, the arrival of baby DD2 has revived interest in many of her outgrown toys, so many things are having a second go now, which is nice.
There's nothing wrong with your toys.
Your mother is way out of line.
That looks fine to me.
We were living in a tiny flat with twins, we physically did not have the room for loads of toys. We too, bought one item each for the early birthday (usually on my boots points) The Christmas they were two and a half we got them a micro scooter and helmet each and a stocking. My mum was also - is that all? That was plenty. They got so much from everyone else and we have a small family.
It's not a case of relying on friends and family to fill in the gaps and they are generous and kind enough to do it anyway. However, as they get older they seem to hang on and acquire more stuff.
We now live abroad and when we came back for our summer holiday we gave them ten pounds each to spend in the pound shop on holiday play stuff bucket and spades, Frisbees, balls, swords, water balloons etc. At the end of the holiday we gathered it all up and knocked at the new kids in the caravan next to us.
You're doing fine don't second guess yourself
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