AIBU to say no to attending DH's best friends wedding with 5 week old twins?(175 Posts)
I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant with twins and we've just received a wedding invite to DH's best friend's wedding which will be 5 weeks after our planned delivery date. The wedding will be held 3.5 hours away from where we live, we will be first time parents to our twins, delivery is likely to be c-section and I'm hoping to EBF.
The bride and groom have said that our LOs will be more than welcome and DH is really keen for us to all attend together. However I have so many worries and the thought of going is getting me really worked up at the moment.
I'm mainly concerned about
- Taking such tiny babies out to a large gathering of (mostly) strangers before their immunisations.
- We'll still be getting to grips with being new parents.
- The fact that I think I'll spend most of my time in another room BFing rather than attending the wedding anyway.
- Being horribly sleep deprived at that point.
- Potentially still being uncomfortable after a c-section.
- Not really feeling up to getting dressed up and looking presentable by then.
- Not having home comforts to escape to for 2 nights.
- Other people wanting to hold/touch our newborns.
DH is so much more laid back than me and thinks I'm being too negative, whereas I think I'm just being realistic. I'm happy for him to go on his own and enjoy himself (my parents will come and stay with me for company) but our inability to agree over this is causing arguements between us and making me feel completely stressed out.
AIBU? What would you do?
YANBU. At all. I'm a seasoned parent (I've never had twins though) and there's no way I'd go with even a single baby at that stage.
It wouldn't be fun for anyone involved.
Sorry but your dh is in for a shock if he thinks this would be a goer !
If it was local yes, you could pop in for a couple of hours but an overnight stay , no way !
YANBU there are so many more risks/uncertainties etc. Far better to part decline now than have to pull out in the run up.
Dh goes has a great time you stay at home.
I did allsorts of travelling etc with tiny babies but it is madness to commit to something now.
I had my son and 2 weeks after myself and DH had to 3 hour journey to see his daughter for the weekend. YANBU. I felt like crap, it was my first child so I had no idea what I was doing, I didn't want to go out but being 3 his daughter wanted to do something so of course we did. I felt horrible, and that was with natural birth and one baby. But then we couldn't not see his daughter
Just make a real apology to them
Would a compromise be you staying at home and letting DH go?
Then he owes you a night out in the future when you're back on your feet?
Of course YANBU - not at all. I think that once the babies are here you'll find your DH will do a complete about turn on this. Don't spend the rest of the summer arguing about it - just tell him you'll have the discussion once the reality of twins has kicked in.
I was invited to a wedding which took place when my baby was 6 weeks old - i realised pretty quickly after she was born that I couldn't do the full day so went just on the evening, and actually had a really nice time. I'd suggest that - but the 3.5 hour drive seems to rule this out for you. I think you're right to be realistic.
Good luck with the babies, enjoy them!
I wouldn't do two nights away with one baby at that stage, let alone twins. I think your compromise is entirely reasonable and your DH will realise this when the babies arrive.
As a c section mum (albeit to a preemie so at 5 weeks she was only just home) tell him to go alone! There's no way I could have faced dressing up and you will have twins (congrats btw)
I would go with my DH but stay in the hotel room with the DTs ordering room service. DH could pop back and forth through out the day.
Don't do this with twins - really. I take it that none of the people who think this is a fabulous idea have children themselves?
YANBU. Your DH is in for a shock if he thinks either of you will be up to it. Especially you of course.
Hell no! Five weeks after having twins i was a fricking mess. We were sleeping in 20min bursts and were exhausted. Not meaning to scare you but it is hard, really really hard and I wouldn't have even contemplated a car journey that long. 3.5 hrs will turn into double that when you have to keep stopping to feed them etc.
My twins have just turned four so we all survived and they are amazing but just NO!
I also wouldn't be taking them around that many people before their injections. I know they will have your immunity etc especially if breast feeding but again just NO.
I would absolutely not go.Hell on me and hell on the guests to have to put up with x2 screaming babies. Let dh go!
My baby is 3 weeks old and I can't get out of the house by 11am, in fact we can barely get out of bed by that time!!! Going out for lunch to PIl this weekend fills me with dread due to BF, changing, sleeping etc etc I don't think going away for two nights with one baby, let alone two would be feasible for me at 5 weeks! If you have a day of cluster feeds it will be really really hard work!
I wouldn't even say can you hubby go alone because with twins you will need his help!!!
Good luck with the birth xxxx
No, no, no. Your DH clearly has no idea what having new babies involves, he's being totally unrealistic to expect you to undertake such a long trip and then the wedding on top of that with new born twins, and all while recovering from a cs.
My DD has a friend who ebf twins and for the first 6 months of their lives she barely left the house.
The chance of you being able to cope with this happily is too small for this to be worth considering.
I have twins and at 8 weeks old we took than 4 hours away to a family event. I would say don't put yourself through it. We went as it was a very tragic family funeral but wouldn't have done so for a wedding. Dtds were prem and in scbu for a while too.
I'm currently 29 weeks with twins and would absolutely be declining the invite too. Maybe your DH will change his mind when babies arrive but like you said if not he can go and your parents can help if that suits everyone.
Congratulations hope all goes well in the rest of your pregnancy and with babies!
Attend a wedding with 5 week old twins?
NO . FUCKING . WAY!
We have twins who are now 3 years old. They were our first experience of children (talk about a baptism of fire), the first few months were pure hell ... only when we had DD earlier this year did we realise that babies are actually quite nice and not too hard. Okay so we're well practiced now but twins does make everything a million times harder.
When the boys first came along I was the same as your DH, 'it'll be okay, let's take them here, there etc.. it'll be nice...
A few hellish experiences later and I soon saw sense.
If you can get someone in to help you for the day / evening then tell him to go on his own. If you can't get help in then he shouldn't go either!
My DW didn't even have a C section ( which I believe floors you completely for a few weeks) and recovered physically very quickly but even as an able bodied person she would have struggled for a whole day with twins on her own.
Don't go.. and don't let him unless you can get help for the day.
I don't think the drive is a problem if it's carefully planned - is it that your DH is excited and wants to show the babies off? I agree with pp that even he'll realise it's too much once they're here but at the same time arguing about an event in 4 months time seems a bit silly.
Some of your reasons too such as going out not having their vaccinations/people not touching or holding them is simply not realistic and likely to cause you a tremendous amount of anxiety in general.
I have twins and this would have been horrendous. I wasn't even dressed at this stage (pjs only!) and I was breastfeeding every hour and a half. You'll be utterly shattered from night feeds. Even thinking of something to wear to breastfeed in will be enough of a hassle!!
If you're happy for DP to go alone, and your parents can come and help you (look after babies between feeds so you can nap), I'd say this is the best plan.
Your doubts and worries are all entirely reasonable. In fact, I'm impressed; I was utterly clueless!
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.