To think there is a chance he still believes(106 Posts)
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My DS is 11and starting high school.
We were talking about Christmas recently and he mentioned Santa. AIBU to worry that he actually still believes? I don't want him going to high school and saying something which will get him torn to shreds. His dad (my ex) thinks there's no need to say anything to him about it. He reckons that while he might secretly hope it's true, he wouldn't dare so so to other kids because that's risky. I don't want to sit him down and ask him, but I don't want to set him for ridicule either.
AIBU and a bit naive to think he doesn't know?
We've never had the direct conversation with DS1 (10) though I know he's been suspicious since last Christmas. I'm leaving it as long as I can because I don't want him not to believe in magic. But I think if he asks, you have to tell the truth.
Engineer another such conversation, and throw in a casual comment about how sweet it was when he still believed in FC?
Leave it be. In our house you get Santa presents when you believe so everyone is very fervent though DCs now adult. Visiting friends also get gifts so tend to buy into it, and it is a lot of fun (we DON'T have huge presents, I should emphasise!).
Your son is not likely to talk about it in front of children who disbelieve, and it's not a bad thing for him to realise that he doesn't have to agree with everything everyone else does. Eventually, if you keep the tradition up, it will become one of those implicit things--it's unlikely by the time he is older he'll believe in the way a child does, but it will still add a little thrill to Christmas morning. I don't think that you have to make a big deal about shattering the illusion.
Having said that I still am careful to make sure that I keep Santa presents separate from others, and don't talk openly about what I'm getting. Part of the fun and magic. For me it's a way of saying that sometimes you can get little treats without it being an exchange of gifts.
When a dd was 8 (IIRC) she told me she knew there was no Father Christmas, it was me and daddy, so there was no need for me to pretend any more.
So I admitted it.
She must have been at least 20 becore she told me that she been LONGING for me to say, yes, of course he's real! - because she still wanted to believe.
Having said that, 11 is probably on the old side. He almost certainly knows, but maybe wants you to keep up the pretence a bit longer. Maybe beat to say nothing, or be non committal. I wouldn't think any 11 year old would risk teasing at school by saying he still believes in FC.
When same dd was only 5, some wretched woman who was supposed to be a friend, told her that FC didn't exist. She was terribly upset.
I told her that the woman in question had probably been so naughty when she was little (she was 'feisty' to put it politely and wasn't above effing and blinding in public) that FC never came, so no wonder she didn't believe in him.
Worked perfectly for dd, so just saying in case anyone else has some wretched misery trying to destroy the magic for little ones.
Father Christmas is the spirit of giving, sharing and festive joy. Of course he exists.
I told DS in the summer holiday between year 5 and 6 that Santa doesn't exist as i thought no one in year six would believe. I was wrong. but by the following summer they had all been told, Don't let him be the only one not in on the secret. And now is a very good time to do it as Christmas is a long way off and there is time to adjust.
My DS still believed when he started Senior School and I didn't want to burst his bubble, however as Christmas approached that year he asked me outright if it was real or not. I asked him did he really want to know and he said yes. So we had the chat and it was fine. He was ready. He keeps it alive for his younger brother now. Go with your DS.
Wait, what do you mean "still believes"? You saying Santa isn't real?!
Thanks for ruining my Christmasses! Hmph!
But seriously, most kids find out from their friends and it's rarely a big deal. I'm 34 and still maintain as much magic in life as I can. My kids 9, 6 and 4 believe in toothfairies, Santa, dragons and all sorts of wonderful stories. I actually told my (then) 8 year old that the big stone monument (an acorn apparently) in a nearby village was actually a 100 year old dragon egg. She in turn told her friends and whilst few believed her, they all had fun discussions about it and how cool it would be.
Your son will be just fine if you let him find out by himself. That's often how we all find out. His dad is probably right, he may not even mention it as it is possible it could already be being questioned in his mind.
Personally, I'd tell him OP. Although the chance of a conversation coming up about Father Christmas is minimal, I feel he'd be proper ripped if he said something. Boys can be savages!
I believed until I was 11. I got suspicious and asked my Mum to tell me the truth and then burst into devastated tears when she did having fully expected her to reassure me as per usual. I don't think it was friends who said anything to me - I think I just gradually realised that it didn't fit with reality. I don't think you need to worry about it unless DS directly asks you. Then let him down gently .
Love Liz's post - exactly that - Fr Christmas represents something over and beyond whether he is a person in fact or not - or of course he is based on St Nick who was a real man!!
I teach secondary school and every year there are a couple of kids who genuinely believe in Santa in year 7. The rest of them sort of humour me when I get them doing Santa based activities in the last lesson before Christmas. We have quite a mixed intake but not even the toughest nuts seem to pick on those who still believe in Santa, the seem to think they're cute or sweet and humour them rather than tease then. Somebody must gently tell them because nobody still believes in year 8.
If he believes, he believes! I remember in my first year at secondary, some girls were talking about how he wasn't real. I honestly didn't care. At that point, I think I just figured he came to some kids but others had to rely on their parents for gifts! Don't take it away from him - he'll figure the truth out eventually (that Father Christmas is real, of course )
My DD10, going into yr6, still believes. I was talking to her about something expensive she could have for Christmas, but that it would be her only present from mum and dad. She would still get presents from grandparents and her Aunt. She looked me straight in the eye and said 'and Santa'.... I mumbled something about maybe a few bits and she just skipped off. Elder DD said something about him not being real recently and DD10 got a bit upset and I had to tell her course he is real!
We told both our docs as we didn't want them to be embaressed and teased.
Dc1 was gobsmacked and took a long time convincing. I made it obvious. Leaving price labels on etc. He enjoyed pretending for younger dc2.
Dc2 was less surprised. I think he kinda knew but also still believed, if that's possible.
I still do stockings for them mow, several years later!
One of our DDs still believed when she was 11 and in the last year at primary school. Some of her friends believed and others didn't DD3 just didn't take any notice of those who said he wasn't real.
To her she wanted to believe so dif. I think it helped because in our family only stocking presents were from Father Christmas.
So I would just leave him to it.
We still have fun and put stockings out at home although they are now all in their 20s now.
I think I'll just leave it for now and try and gauge it over the next wee while. I really don't want to sit him down and say "he's not real, you know", I would go along the lines of its all part of the magic, etc. He did come home in P2 and tell me that someone else has said "Santa's really just your mummy and daddy", but he was 5/6 so it was easy enough to brush off. Hes never been one for being Santa daft anyway, but he's my only one, so I've milked it as best as I can
I think I'll embroider that on a cushion [fcsmile]
I'm not sure I'd let my child start secondary school still believing in Father Christmas. I told my youngest DD in the Summer when she voiced doubts about the tooth fairy. I thought the timing would be better with Christmas not on the horizon. I also chucked in about the Easter Bunny and we talked about the spirit of things...blah blah.
She took it very well and said that her friends had said as much.
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