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To move now to be near mother with cancer and risk child having no school place?

(20 Posts)
Confusedmartie100 Thu 11-Aug-16 20:19:32

Long and complicated story but basically have struggled living so far from my mum ( 70 miles ) for the past year since she left London for the seaside
Have struggled with deciding what to do as we rent from a housing trust but would have to go back into private renting to get there
Have now sorted husbands job so he can transfer and have found a rental property with agents who will do a 2 year contract for our piece of mind ( figure this is the best we can get with renting )
Problem now is that lots of schools including our closest would have a place for my son who is about to start year 2 but not one school in the 5 mile radius currently has a place for reception.
Is this likely to change much?
She is born in September so I only really have until January to play with unless I go down the home schooling route.
Petrified of doing the wrong thing.

Hassled Thu 11-Aug-16 20:23:12

I think there's usually a fair amount of movement - things could change even between now and September. Certainly before January you'd have a good chance, with a sibling in the school and you presumably being in catchment. Have the Admissions Dept of the LA given any clues as to where you'd be on the waiting list?
It all sounds like a nightmare for you - I'm sorry.

Confusedmartie100 Thu 11-Aug-16 20:27:55

Thankyou - it is a nightmare I won't lie sad
I would hope we would have a chance but all the schools have been asked to take an extra 5 children this year so it's clearly now a very populated area in comparison to the years before as many have spaces in year 2.
I would just hate for my son to start and then my daughter has nowhere to go so they end up both having to move (again) if a different school with both places did come up at some point

Tupps Thu 11-Aug-16 21:07:34

This is an awful, sad situation and I can't imagine how stressful this has been for you and your family. I'm guessing you've already thought about this but is there any chance she can move in or with or near you? Housing association tenancies are not easy to get.

Hassled is right.... there will be a lot of movement (people turn down places and change their minds a lot) between now and January - check the schools Admissions Criteria and where she is on the waiting list. Sibling criteria will apply once DS is in. You can always appeal - it's very difficult but not impossible. Try not to let worrying about school places overwhelm you, it's hard, I know. Most LA's are willing to help and find workable solutions, just make sure you keep communicating with them.

Doing the right thing? Only you know that, everyone has different answers to this - it's admirable, she needs support and you can give her that. You are shifting your entire family to help her and that is something extraordinary. There won't be a perfect solution here - sorry - whatever you decide to do, someone will be inconvenienced or be unsettled or affected in some way. Your DP sounds amazing too, he is willing to transfer his work to another area.

The thing to remember is you are doing your best, don't worry, try not to be scared, you are doing great and this is just the start. Good luck.

AndNowItsSeven Thu 11-Aug-16 21:09:40

Ffs how many threads?

gobbynorthernbird Thu 11-Aug-16 21:14:15

Fucking hell will you just do it already? So much angst. I'm starting to see why your mum moved.

LIZS Thu 11-Aug-16 21:20:21

Why not choose a school for Ds based on which has shortest waiting list for dd. You can't predict how much movement there will be at any individual school so all you can do is go with the best chance of a space. However you probably won't know now until term starts. Or go with which would suit your Ds best and accept they may end up at different schools for infants. With local support this might be feasible.

Have you actually decided to move now and is your dh fully on board? I think it wasn't clear what your priorities were in last thread I saw. Your dm illness , although unlikely to be life limiting, was a catalyst for feelings of guilt and frustration but your family were not as keen on uprooting. Is this really likely to change if you move close to dm?

Confusedmartie100 Fri 12-Aug-16 21:41:11

Gobby - what a nasty thing to say so I have no comment.
Thanks for the other replies
My husband is still worried about leaving a secure home but he is willing to do it for me to be near my mum.
The children get very upset when leaving my mums too which upsets him and he does understand that when we come into enough money to buy ( providing the will doesn't change obviously ) that would have to be further out than where we are now anyway so long term this may be more fair to the children rather than unsettling them later into their education etc.
In regards to schools, there is absolutely no school within 5 miles with a space so I can't base it on that.
Therefore it makes more sense to go with the local catholic school as kids are baptised which means she would come top of the list with a sibling in as well as being baptised.
What is even more confusing is that they usually take 45 a year but this year took 50, but according to the council if one didn't turn up my child wouldn't be offered it, it would have to drop to 44.
If they have to " force " a local school to go over is it likely it would be the same school they request?
I couldn't do 2 school runs, my mother and father are both still working full time as teachers.

hazeimcgee Fri 12-Aug-16 21:44:59

Wow so bitch of the thread award goes to Gobby!

I think make the move and the rest will work out. One way or another. It'd be different if she was 16 but at that age there's a little wiggle time

Wolpertinger Fri 12-Aug-16 21:47:28

Have you actually heard about your mum's diagnosis and treatment yet?

You really are moving because you want to move.

Don't make it about your mum's cancer - we all said on the last thread that her treatment will be over and she will be cured practically before the move has happened given the type she has.

The thread title is a bit misleading.

Confusedmartie100 Fri 12-Aug-16 21:48:41

Tupps
Unfortunately not as my elderly 93 year old nan also lives there who won't move and my mum can't leave her ( only child )

ImperialBlether Fri 12-Aug-16 21:50:03

I had a feeling of deja vu reading this.

OP, I don't think you should leave a housing association property. Seventy miles isn't that far. Please do think it over carefully before you make such a huge decision.

AndNowItsSeven Fri 12-Aug-16 21:50:54

Hazeimcgee no Gobby is like many posters sick of the op's numbers threads. They go like this aibu to move my school out of secure housing etc etc her mum is young lives with a part ever and has a very treatable form of cancer.
Op "I am not unreasonable and I will start thread number 17 on this same topic."

Confusedmartie100 Fri 12-Aug-16 21:52:40

I don't think the thread is misleading.
It's likely she will need treatment after the removal taking place in September as large currently
It shouldn't have spread but we won't know that until it's removed and further tests have been done
Of course in a ideal world I would love to live near my mum, my children adore her and we miss her a lot but I never would have risked our security going back into private renting or a school place without this shock.

hazeimcgee Fri 12-Aug-16 21:58:51

AndNow still not really justification for telling OP that her mom moved to get away from her. Just click out of the thread if your only comment is such a nasty one. For whatever reason OP clearly is still in debate over what to do

Doggity Fri 12-Aug-16 21:58:53

Has your mum actually been diagnosed and given a prognosis? You weren't sure in the last thread and maybe making a rash decision.

Doggity Fri 12-Aug-16 21:59:26

Sorry, cross posted!

gobbynorthernbird Sat 13-Aug-16 00:17:33

Do I get a prize?

ClopySow Sat 13-Aug-16 00:38:39

Yes. The prize is the title "Mr Richard Head"

Confusedmartie100 Sat 13-Aug-16 11:45:36

Wow, what a shame people can't have a heart over head problem and ask for advice.
You do realise you don't HAVE to reply don't you?

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