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Aibu to be hurt by their behaviour?

(141 Posts)
Doublemint Thu 11-Aug-16 16:27:24

braces self for Aibu post

Earlier in the week MIL mentioned she was going to SIL house this afternoon. (I don't know if it matters but she's SIL through marriage, not MILs DD)She suggested me, DH, DD1 (2yrs) and DD2 (7m) come along too. DH phoned SIL to see if that was ok as she has a month old baby and we really want to make sure she's up for visitors/didn't want to invite ourselves over/ overwhelm her etc. We made this clear on the phone.

SIL said her and MIL were planning on going for lunch at a garden centre about 10mins from us, 45mins from MIL and 20/30mins from SIL. SIL said she was thinking of that garden centre because it had a park for dd1 to play in. So in my mind they had invited us and wanted us there.

DH and I accepted and then explained hat as we are totally and utterly skint right now we couldn't afford lunch but could meet them there after they had eaten for a bumble around with the kids. SIL said that sounded great and to call MIL and let her know.

So we do and MIL says to come to garden centre at 2pm. So today we get the kids up, dd1 is all excited to see her aunty and granny and her new baby cousin, she was practically bursting! Because babies are mental a challenge we ended up being half an hour late (dd2 woke up late and needed her lunch then dd1 did a poo on the floor).

We get there and ring them to see where they are and.... They had left! Gone!

Dd1 is really upset and I was fuming. They popped back as they'd only just gone but we had text from the car saying we were running late and would be another 10mins.

I was so angry that this was all their idea and then they go and leave! Apparently SIL had to leave by 3pm but she didn't tell us this!!!

I'm not sure if I'm overreacting because of how upset dd1 was or whether this was bad manners on their part.

NeedACleverNN Thu 11-Aug-16 16:29:30

I think you are over reacting slightly

Sounds like times were not exactly sorted out properly.

They were rude to leave without finding out where you were though.

SaltyMyDear Thu 11-Aug-16 16:30:02

Half an hour is very late.

Rumpelstiltskin143 Thu 11-Aug-16 16:31:07

You were rude to be late.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 11-Aug-16 16:31:14

You were half an hour late?

0hCrepe Thu 11-Aug-16 16:31:39

YABU sorry. She has a month old baby. Maybe baby was getting fractious and she was getting stressed waiting so long after they'd already been there a while. 2 pm was late anyway so any later really is late.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Thu 11-Aug-16 16:31:50

You were half an hour late. They weren't the ones being rude.

Elllicam Thu 11-Aug-16 16:40:09

Sorry I tend to agree, if you were meeting them at the end of their meeting, then were 30 minutes late and SIL has a tiny baby I think YABU.

ElspethFlashman Thu 11-Aug-16 16:41:08

Wait, how late were you? We're you not even there by 3pm? I don't understand.

RubbleBubble00 Thu 11-Aug-16 16:42:25

You were late. Not really you that should be annoyed.

myownprivateidaho Thu 11-Aug-16 16:42:25

Hmm, if they'd only just gone, they'd waited 25 mins for you hadn't they? You are unreasonable to be angry!

RubbleBubble00 Thu 11-Aug-16 16:43:33

So the came back?

Amelie10 Thu 11-Aug-16 16:47:20

You were very rude to be late. Did you even call? She has a month old baby, tried to pick a spot where your children could also play and you have the cheek to be fuming? Yabvu.

MiddleClassProblem Thu 11-Aug-16 16:48:18

Presumably you were meant to leave at 1:50. At that point you text to say running late not wait until 2:20. Or even call!?!

LifeInJeneral Thu 11-Aug-16 16:48:52

There has been a miscommunication somewhere, it happens unfortunately but just bare in mind that they didn't do it on purpose,just as you weren't late on purpose. Just try and laugh it off and make another arrangement?

Discobabe Thu 11-Aug-16 16:54:40

Did you text them as soon as you realised you would be late? Your post makes it sound like you text them as you were leaving which means you were already 20 mins late before even letting them know.

To be fair it's a bit hypocritical to expect them to wait 30mins because you had to see to your kids, one of whom you could have woken to ensure you were there on time yet you're offended that a mum with a newborn had to leave early?

I get really irritated when people think others have nothing to do but hang around and wait for them though so maybe I'm biased when I say yabu.

kierenthecommunity Thu 11-Aug-16 16:55:20

I'm not sure why she had to explain she was leaving at three. I'd have assumed that an hour was ample time to get a coffee or whatever and for the kids to have a play. She wasn't to know you were going to be so late

Having said they its a bit rude then not saying they were going too

HumphreyCobblers Thu 11-Aug-16 16:55:38

You were late! I would have gone home too, if I had had a tiny baby. You could have messaged twenty minutes earlier to say what time you would get there.

Are you often late? I know babies can throw timings for all of us sometimes, but if you are often late they may have been already fed up iyswim.

YouSay Thu 11-Aug-16 16:56:01

YABU. Presumably they were there for a while if they had already had lunch. I don't see the point of you arriving at the end at all. Sil was very accommodating picking a venue that suits you then you say you are not coming for lunch after all and then you turn up half an hour after they finish lunch. Do you really need to ask?

TellMeSomethingNew Thu 11-Aug-16 16:59:10

Half hour is REALLY late. YABU to expect them to accommodate you

molyholy Thu 11-Aug-16 16:59:52

Sorry OP, I agree with others. I think yabu.

Doublemint Thu 11-Aug-16 17:01:39

We text them when we were leaving (29mins late due to poo and baby) and they said that was fine see you soon and then again when we were stuck in traffic and said would be another 10mins (temp traffic lights due to roadworks we didn't know about)

We were told by mil to get there for 2pm for what sounded like a whole afternoon going around together and hanging out. It was only when we got there we found our SIL had to leave (with mil) at 2.45 and they had left! They didn't tell us they'd left we were looking round the garden centre for them.

No one told us they would have to leave at a certain time, and they didn't tell us at any point during the text conversation. They also didn't tell us mil was with SIL car sharing.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 11-Aug-16 17:01:47

She has a tiny baby, had been out for lunch, which you didn't join them for (no fault there but you were invited), waited 20 minutes before you texted... Yeah I'd have gone if I were her.

ExitPursuedByABear Thu 11-Aug-16 17:01:55

Why don't people just communicate with each other?

Doublemint Thu 11-Aug-16 17:02:22

*sorry should say 20mins late in first line

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