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Trying for a baby AIBU

(12 Posts)
Tryingtostayyoung Wed 10-Aug-16 20:39:26

Hey everyone, I'm feeling frustrated and not sure if IABU or not.

DH and I have one DD(3 and a half), since she was around 9months old DH has voiced that he wanted to start trying for another. I wasn't ready and haven't been until earlier this year when I finally felt ready. I think the reason i started to feel like I wanted another was because I'd started to feel ready which had meant I was open to listening to DH talk about all the fantastic things about having another baby, so in February we stopped using protection.

So here's the problem, DH works extremely long hours and is tired a lot, I get up very early and need atleast 8hours as I suffer from migraines, this means that we don't actually have sex I would say more than twice a week, sometimes its even just the once. We've been together 8years both always been happy like this BUT this is not enough to try for a baby. With DD we were extremely lucky, one month and we were pregnant but this time round it's not happened like that and I've tried explaining to him that were nearing on 6months of trying and we need to start making an effort to have sex more and around the right time, he feels like this makes it forced and that then makes us both feel awkward. I don't know what to do, I feel like now I'm the only one taking it seriously and he just isn't.

MrsHathaway Wed 10-Aug-16 20:52:02

TTC is fairly crappy sex if I'm honest. And one should never coerce or bully someone into sexual activities.

Have you tried hamming it up a bit? "Omg I'm so horny when I'm ovulating" References to wetness in the ewcm phase can be helpful too blush

Or "ah well if it happens it happens but it's great fun practising" etc.

Are you absolutely sure you know your cycle? Tracking using eg Fertility Friend can show you if your cycle is uneven (ie you're trying in the wrong week) or your luteal phase too short (B vitamins can help).

Good luck.

Vlier Wed 10-Aug-16 20:52:35

Maybe an ovulation predictor kit might help. That way you know when to do the deed and can rest during the other weeks.

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 10-Aug-16 21:00:08

I haven't started tracking it properly, I wanted to this month but then DH seemed "put off" of being told when we have to have sex and just seems to think it'll happen when it happens. The thing is I'm not sure if it's because I'm a woman but every month when I see my period i just feel so sad and disappointed, I wish I could be like him but I'm just not and I can't imagine feeling like this every month "until it just happens".

Mybugslife Wed 10-Aug-16 21:00:13

I don't necissarily think that twice a week isn't enough to try you just need to make sure those times are when you are ovulating. I agree with using an app. I used ovia but I'm sure they're al pretty much the same. And I also think you need to make it seem like it's not a chore around those times. Put on some sexy lingerie, make advances etc.
I don't think it's crappy sex when you're ttc. Me and OH had great sex each time we ttc. And often bit more than twice a week! This pregnancy took 7 months to conceive but I bled every 2 weeks after coming off the injection for 5 months so although we had sex when I was supposedly ovulating I probably wasn't at the time because I'd bleed a week later.
Just keep track and make it fun. Why not try date night once a month when you're ovulating?

SweepTheHalls Wed 10-Aug-16 21:08:00

DH was amusingly oblivious when we were TTC, he had no idea that about 4 days a month we had waaaaay more sex than the rest of the month on purpose. He found it a complete turn off to know that it was a good time to DTD , so I just tracked my cycles without mentioning it smile

Pearlman Wed 10-Aug-16 21:17:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

happybus28 Wed 10-Aug-16 22:11:26

I agree with PP just don't tell him the specifics. I am doing the same as my DH was worried about feeling pressure etc. I'm sure he's aware that I know what's going on with my body with regards to my cycle and ovulation but as long as I don't mention the word 'ovulating' he feels no pressure at all!

ollieplimsoles Wed 10-Aug-16 22:14:42

I also tracked my cycles on the sly, I figured out the day I was likely to ovulate and jumped him then!

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 10-Aug-16 22:30:23

Thanks for the advice, I'm thinking maybe that's the way forward, track secretly. Fingers crossed

RubbleBubble00 Wed 10-Aug-16 22:55:07

get ovulation sticks. My dh works away so had to optimise. First month didn't tell him next month I did but he got sexy undies ect so was happy enough

SweepTheHalls Thu 11-Aug-16 22:46:41

DH thought it was amazing that we conceived on holiday when we weren't tracking cycles. Duuur !

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