Would I be unreasonable to refuse to host this "party"

(43 Posts)
OreosAreTasty Wed 10-Aug-16 11:09:41

Dhs birthday this month. I'll start by saying that I'm half sure he agrees with me, as I'm not 100 percent of his stance (he's at work so hasn't told me much). It's dhs birthday this month. We didn't really have plans. We've had a crazy few weeks moving etc so it was bottom priority.
His co workers/friends (we'll refer to them as friends for ease) have "decided" they'll be coming over to get pissed with DH hmm since its dhs birthday If he was up for it, as a once off I'd "allow" it. But. I can't bring myself to.
His friends have been awful to me, and sometimes to him too.
Not as bad to him, just not consulting him about plan changes leaving him standing about for 1hr before remembering they'd not updated him , a few arsey comments and the odd drunken tiff yes they're a pack of assholes however when I've accompanied Dh on work do's their treatment of me has been worse. By the way, I intend on invite (of the group/management) only. I have never turned up
Uninvited. Other partners have attended, too.
One lady he works with, right after I'd had a mc, sort of rounded on me outside of the pub we were at (waited for DH to go in, myself and lady were outside having a cigarette) started going on. First it was "I'm sorry for your loss" then it was "Dh name was so gutted" "he was so excited to do X y and z with the little one, and had even spoken to
Managers name about provisions for when you were due to go into labour. I'd never seen him so happy" like cheers love this is what I need 6 days after the fact hmm
Another woman threw a drink down me because I asked her to lean over a bit (she'd
Moved into my seat, fine, but was blocking my phone, bag, drink and cigarettes so I needed to grab them) I had to ask 5 times before she moved, she then proceeded to
Pick her drink up and tip it backwards into me angry
I can think of lots of examples.
All point down to general rudeness and cattyness and nastiness.
I've also had sexist comments made about me, which I thought was ridiculous. To the effect of get back to the kitchen... Strange as they're all chefs/back of house team O.o
Over to you MN jury, irrespective of Dh being up for it or not would I be U to refuse to have them in my home? The above is just a small sample of what's happened but at the end of each work do/event/party/outing I've been invited on (always go as Dh doesn't want to be alone- that's since stopped) I've gone home in tears...

Stratter5 Wed 10-Aug-16 11:13:13

Fuck no, if he wants to go drinking with them, he can go to a bar. They sound awful.

Inertia Wed 10-Aug-16 11:13:35

No, yanbu. They can go out and get pissed.

mickeysminnie Wed 10-Aug-16 11:17:58

Who exactly has asked you to host the party? If it is anyone except your husband a simple. "Eh, no, but we are happy to meet you at xyz pub for a few drinks", would surely suffice?

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Wed 10-Aug-16 11:20:04

Fuck no!!

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 10-Aug-16 11:21:11

YANBU, they sound like twats.

SlinkyVagabond Wed 10-Aug-16 11:21:24

I think "Fuck off you rude fuckers" covers all bases.

Dutchcourage Wed 10-Aug-16 11:22:11

If he wants to see them tell him to go out. Don't have them in your house thry sound like s bunch of dickheads.

OreosAreTasty Wed 10-Aug-16 11:22:57

No one has asked me, but I know cleaning the flat in preparation, finishing unpacking, buying snack foods, some alcohol etc will fall to me. Im off work sick atm and Dh works (obviously) so all the leg work would fall to me. Which would be fine if they weren't a pack of tools.

OreosAreTasty Wed 10-Aug-16 11:24:01

They've "told" Dh they'll be coming ip, he's messaged me that. I've text back for more info and to find his stance. Can wait up to 2-3 hrs for a response as he's working so posting in case it's either way really.

Really don't want them in my home.

Missgraeme Wed 10-Aug-16 11:25:00

First mistake was telling them where u have moved to.....

OreosAreTasty Wed 10-Aug-16 11:27:41

They don't have my address hmm why would they?
They're just assuming it's fine to
Come and telling Dh so.
Presumably he's expected to give out address and times etc confused
Lots of expectations and assumptions which is making me a bit annoyed in itself. Entitled much?

mypropertea Wed 10-Aug-16 11:29:51

Tell dp that they are not coming in. He can entertain them in the pub. Your sick and need your r and r.

Also make it very very clear there is no after party at yours and not a one of them is to come back to yours for any reason.

mickeysminnie Wed 10-Aug-16 11:33:49

So just say no!! I really don't see what all the angst is about? They have suggested (told) that they would come by for a party and now you tell them, no, we can meet you elsewhere though.

Dutchcourage Wed 10-Aug-16 11:36:34

Actually it's your Dh who is asking the piss. He wants them to come over and it's blaming them - "poor me, they are forcing my wife to host a party even though they treat her like shit - boohoo."

Seriously if he did not want them to come he would tell them to fuck off. Is he getting that bullied at work he can not say no?

Are you that much of a wet blanket you can not say no way

Is there really a group of people in his office that force themselves in to people's homes to have a party that isn't 'wanted'

Tell your Dh to piss off.

Crunchymum Wed 10-Aug-16 11:37:09

Your DP needs to grow a pair!

A simple "we've already made plans" would have sufficed! Why all the angst?

OreosAreTasty Wed 10-Aug-16 11:37:20

The "angst" you see is me worrying if I'm being unreasonable or not (why ever else would I post in Aibu?) and worrying I'll look like a bitch if I say no. On one hand, they're cunts. On the other, it's dhs birthday so surely it's his choice?
My dilemma. Right there^

Dutchcourage Wed 10-Aug-16 11:38:47

Yeah and it's your home and your not well, will your Dh sulk or kick off?

Don't be a martyr you won't get a medal for it.

KinkyAfro Wed 10-Aug-16 11:39:11

Or let them come and go out?

Crunchymum Wed 10-Aug-16 11:40:25

Oh right I see so your DH has messaged you to say "friends have decided to come over for my Birthday" and not indicated if he actually wants them to or not?

You need to reply "not having those bunch of cunts in our new home but you are welcome to arrange an evening out with them" - sorted!

IamaBluebird Wed 10-Aug-16 11:41:57

Couldn't you already have planned a surprise birthday evening out. Wouldn't be able to entertain visitors then.

OreosAreTasty Wed 10-Aug-16 11:42:27

I don't know enough to know what he's said back, what his stance is etc etc. So not sure why Dh needs to piss off confused hmm
Being around them makes me feel awful sad but I did wonder if I should just suck it up because it's only one night so if he wants it then would it be u to say no.
If he doesn't then all is fine.
But yes they are entitled enough to tell someone they're doing X and y or coming over. The first birthday I knew Dh for (I didn't go however) he was still working with lots of the same people.
He ended up spending his birthday 65 miles away from where he'd originally
Planned as they'd told him insert
City would be much more fun and they wanted to go and he didn't want
To be on his own hmm
He's a push over.
They're cunts. So I'm probably going to need to take a stand and if I do I don't want to feel like the awful bitch from hell. Dh would agree with me I think but I'd still feel awful.
I'm in an over emotional state as it is this last week or so and I want to keep myself in check so I don't turn into irrational bitch from hell

TeaStory Wed 10-Aug-16 11:42:54

I think if you want to say no, then be honest with your DH and say it. So what if you "look like a bitch"? They treat you with contempt anyway, so their opinions need not matter to you.

TeaStory Wed 10-Aug-16 11:44:20

Cross-post. You aren't "the awful bitch from hell" for not hosting such people.

ItShouldHaveBeenJess Wed 10-Aug-16 11:44:40

How keen is DH?

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