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AIBU?

Time off when parent dies

89 replies

Pasithea · 09/08/2016 12:51

Hi

MIL passed away this morning. Due to staff being off. DH work want him in this afternoon and rest of week.
Does anyone know if there is a legal entitlement to leave in these circumstances.

OP posts:
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YelloDraw · 09/08/2016 12:55

Does anyone know if there is a legal entitlement to leave in these circumstances.

Nope.
Unfortunately not.

Sorry for your and DH's loss.

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Grumpyoldblonde · 09/08/2016 12:56

He needs to look at his employment contract, if they don't specify then no, there is no legal entitlement to time off.
They must have hearts of stone to expect him in.
I am sorry for your loss.

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ElinoristhenewEnid · 09/08/2016 12:57

As far as I am aware there is no legal entitlement to time off following a close family death - it is up to individual employers how much time you are allowed off - paid or unpaid.

I was given 3 days paid when my dm died over 30 years ago

Had a colleague in another job who had to come in on morning of her df''s funeral and returned straight after leaving the family at the wake.

If not fit to work can be signed off sick with 'bereavement reaction', stress etc

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SweetieBumMum · 09/08/2016 12:57

Sorry for your loss. My FIL passed away in May and I looked into it then. I couldn't find any official declaration other than "reasonable time off"on the Gov web pages. If it's a large organisation there will probably be a set procedure which states time.
His company is being both insensitive and unreasonable. The leave I believe is unpaid but entitled!
What state of mind do they think he'll be in to perform his job? I know people are all different but my DH was in a dream like state.
My DH took 2 weeks (paid) and returned to work working from home the week after that. My SIL had 3 weeks paid from her company.
Hope that helps.

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LagunaBubbles · 09/08/2016 12:57

So sorry.

There's no way on earth I was fit for work when my Mum died, if your DH isnt fit for work then he has to phone in sick. On what planet does anyone thin someone could carry on and do their job after learning their parent has just died.

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DanyellasDonkey · 09/08/2016 12:58

Sorry for your loss. That sounds ridiculous and rather heartless imo.

My mother died recently and I had a week off work. Believe me I needed all that time for making funeral arrangements etc.

I went back to work after a week and they were surprised I was back so soon. I do have a very good, understanding boss which, unfortunately, doesn't sound the case for your husband. Flowers

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MaudGonneMad · 09/08/2016 12:59

Bloody hell. Your DH's work sound like utter cunts. They want him in to work on the day his mother died?

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StatisticallyChallenged · 09/08/2016 12:59

If his contract doesn't include compassionate leave then, much as I'm sure I'll get jumped on, if he's not up to working he should see his gp and ask for a sick note. Mine was certainly more than willing to sign me off for bereavement when compassionate leave waa nothing like enough time for me to feel ok.

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19lottie82 · 09/08/2016 12:59

Tell them he is not fit for work, then get him to visit his GP to get signed off.

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Mouikey · 09/08/2016 13:02

As to see the leave / special leave policy. Most decent employers should have one. Our work you can have 10 days (I think) compassionate leave. Plus additional if you need to organise funerals etc.

I think it's really telling if the employer is not compassionate in these circumstances.

Sorry for your loss x

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DelphiniumBlue · 09/08/2016 13:03

What does his contract say? I suspect compassionate leave is often discretionary, and only for a few days - and he' ll need time off for the funeral, too.
Seems a bit much for them to expect him this afternoon, though. Is he in any fit state to work? Obviously he's very sad, but would he putting himself or others in danger if he went in? Depends very much what his job is, I suppose.
Sorry for your loss.

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x2boys · 09/08/2016 13:04

My dh sister died very suddenly in tragic circumstances last yr he took five weeks off sick he was in no fit state to work both his employer and our gp were very sympathetic.

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Jackiebrambles · 09/08/2016 13:04

What awful employers! Good god. Sorry for your loss.

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/08/2016 13:18

This ACAS guide aimed more at employers but might be useful
www.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=4977

You could give ACAS a ring to check.

As others have said, he needs to check his employment contract. There is sometimes an entitlement to bereavement leave otherwise it is covered by compassionate leave. However, there is also a right to unpaid emergency leave under s57 a Employments Rights Act 1996
"
Time off for dependants.
.

(1)

An employee is entitled to be permitted by his employer to take a reasonable amount of time off during the employee’s working hours in order to take action which is necessary—
.

(a)

to provide assistance on an occasion when a dependant falls ill, gives birth or is injured or assaulted,
.

(b)

to make arrangements for the provision of care for a dependant who is ill or injured,
.

(c)

in consequence of the death of a dependant,
.

(d)

because of the unexpected disruption or termination of arrangements for the care of a dependant, or
.

(e)

to deal with an incident which involves a child of the employee and which occurs unexpectedly in a period during which an educational establishment which the child attends is responsible for him.
.

(2)

Subsection (1) does not apply unless the employee—
.

(a)

tells his employer the reason for his absence as soon as reasonably practicable, and
.

(b)

except where paragraph (a) cannot be complied with until after the employee has returned to work, tells his employer for how long he expects to be absent.
.

(3)

Subject to subsections (4) and (5), for the purposes of this section “ dependant ” means, in relation to an employee—
.

(a)

a spouse [F4or civil partner] ,
.

(b)

a child,
.

(c)

a parent,
.

(d)

a person who lives in the same household as the employee, otherwise than by reason of being his employee, tenant, lodger or boarder."

So he may be able to claim emergency leave if he needs to do anything in relation to his DM death. e.g. DBs and I jointly arranged our DF funeral which was 200 miles away from where I live and work so I did take 2 weeks off (which my company chose to pay me for although payment was discretionary).

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APlaceOnTheCouch · 09/08/2016 13:18

Sorry for his and your loss Flowers
His right to leave depends on his contract. However as PPs have said, if his work are being so insensitive and demanding then he can get the GP to sign him off.

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bluebeck · 09/08/2016 13:20

He will have to go off saying he is unfit to work. There won't be anything his employer can do about it (assuming he has been there for at least two years.)

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HermioneJeanGranger · 09/08/2016 13:23

Most GP's will sign you off for a bereavement.

My old workplace gave you two weeks fully paid for a parent/child/sibling death and one week fully paid for grandparents, in-laws, grandchildren and stepchildren. But that's very rare.

He can self-certificate for a week and then get a sick note. It's not a waste of resources. Most people aren't fit for work when a family member has died, especially not a parent.

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SheHasAWildHeart · 09/08/2016 13:23

Sorry for your loss. I had about 12 weeks off - doctors told us she had two days to live but she held on for 5 weeks. This included 8 weeks with a sick note from my GP for stress because I was in such an emotional state, then two weeks of paid compassionate leave and two weeks annual leave.
If DH does feel like he can go to work, he needs to go see his GP. His workplace being short staffed is not he's doing and tbh going to work when he isn't emotionally ready will just make him ill.

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SisterMoonshine · 09/08/2016 13:53

My GP wrote me a 3 weeks sick certificate without me even asking for one. Just handed it to me.
I'm sure there would be no problem getting one.

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NauseousKitty · 09/08/2016 13:58

Utter bastards. Straight to the GP for a sick note, poor lad will be in no fit state to work.

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RainyDayBear · 09/08/2016 14:00

Utterly disgusting. I agree with all of the above, he needs to tell them he is unfit to work, self certify for the rest of the week, and get signed off if he needs more time. I don't think their unsupportive attitude would make me in any massive hurry to rush back personally!

Sorry for your loss Flowers

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Pasithea · 09/08/2016 14:19

Thanks for the replies. He has worked there about 19 years. Last year he had a breakdown and had three weeks off. Subsequently they said he would not be paid in future for sick leave. Therefore we can't really afford to have him signed off. They say he has a contract but he has never signed one. It is a very small practice.

OP posts:
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Kennington · 09/08/2016 14:24

Does he have much annual leave left - could he take this for the moment?it might take the stress off him.

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SheHasAWildHeart · 09/08/2016 14:28

My GP gave me a sicknote over the phone and then either myself or a friend could pick it up from reception.

Three weeks off and they won't pay him? What not even SSP?

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ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/08/2016 14:28

He should be entitled to Statutory Sick Pay which is £88 pw (not paid for the first few days off from memory) if the GP signs him off.

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