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AIBU yes I prob am but WTF

(44 Posts)
dublingirl48653 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:22:58

hello all
posting here and I am sure many of you will tell me I am being unreasonable

just had my cousin and his nightmare wife over with me for two weeks

firstly - she would not let him sleep in the same room as him so we had to try and set up a sofa bet (grrrrr)

then - she did not pay me the 200stg she owed me for flights
she stood back and let me pay for so many things - when her husband went to pay she said oh we can get it next time

I think I must have coughed up around 500 quid in the last two weeks (much more than expected)!!!

she gave him such a hard time the entire trip
every trip was something she wanted to see
when we stopped to see a gallery, attraction in London she kicked up a fuss
her husband (my cousin) said nothing

so now I am wondering
yes I have been a fool
what do I say next time in this position???
How can I make it clear that I am unhappy with her behaviour and how she is treating my family without starting a fight???

scurryfunge Mon 08-Aug-16 17:26:21

I think its down to your cousin to sort it out. You'll never change her.

Fishcake72 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:26:27

She sounds horrendous. Never pay for their flights again and have a list of excuses next to the phone for when they invite themselves!

pillowaddict Mon 08-Aug-16 17:27:56

Not sure I really understand - she wouldn't let him sleep in her room?! Dont leave it until future requests or next time, ask for what youre owed now. You need to get in touch and say that you noticed you're very out of pocket after covering most of the expenses from the trip. You would really appreciate if your cousin would pay you their share which is x. Also the flights still need reimbursed at x. And in future the arrangement worked out so well given sleeping arrangements and the way she behaved.
Sounds like a strange relationship!

dublingirl48653 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:29:34

I invited them

and yes he should really say something

she is such a narcasist
most of the trip was - listening to her tell us where to go, her fighting with my cousin and her asking us to take pictures of her in her hotpants (she is 70)

i assumed before they took off they would be able to give me what they owed me sad
Im a fool

dublingirl48653 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:31:44

it is
he snores so after the first night he was stuck on an old rickety sofa bed while she was in the lap of luxury

i am glad I did not lose it with her
the last night I almost did as she told us not to drink any more wine - it was 9pm we had three glasses

shocking behaviour
I just cant believe she treats him so badly

I cant say anything can I ?
i know i wont get my money back but I mean about her behaviour?
he is head over heels

OurBlanche Mon 08-Aug-16 17:31:51

Send your cousin a reminder / invoice!

And don't invite them over again!

dublingirl48653 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:32:33


i need to grow a pair
plus we had to get ubers everywhere - i bloody paid for them all

QueenieBob Mon 08-Aug-16 17:34:18

You've been really good to them by letting them stay with you & paying for stuff for them, so it's up to your cousin to reimburse you. You're not a fool but I agree with pillowfight, you need to be clear with your cousin about the financial side. There doesn't need to be a fight, just be calm and clear and try not to be drawn into any conversations with his wife. I don't see why you can't explain to your cousin why you don't really want to repeat the experience? No need to be nasty, just explain how you feel. Next time they can stay in a hotel and visit you if they want to - and if you want to see them!!

maddiesparks Mon 08-Aug-16 17:34:20

Why did you pay for it all? She sounds a nightmare and I don't think you'll be in a hurry to have them back so just ask them for what they owe you for the flights! What's the worst that could happen if you just tell your cousin that he owes you X amount for the flights? She might be a nightmare but he is also very rude to keep letting you pay for everything like that.

dublingirl48653 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:38:56

true !!
now I see why they live in different countries and see each other once per two months

I wish now I had said at the start 'ok I pay for x - you pay for everything else'
I live and learn
almost cried when I checked my bank account this morning

now she want me to go shopping for expensive tea leaves she would like

never again
lesson learned
just feel bad for my family as she was very rude to them
on the last night she also announced that she would like to come live with us next year so I need to figure out how to get her free train travel etc

OurBlanche Mon 08-Aug-16 17:42:15

Tell her yes dear, I'll get the tea for you. That'll be £X (flights, plus Ubers, plus anything else you can think of, plus the tea, p+p) cash up front! smile

dublingirl48653 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:43:48

haha true

next time i will be well prepared
she is already planning her next trip
I shall send her a list of hotels smile

Porg Mon 08-Aug-16 17:47:58

So your cousin is in in his seventies too and she made him sleep on a sofa? shock

dublingirl48653 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:50:05

he is mid 60s but yes isnt that so bad

I wanted to tell her where to go did not have the guts
he paid 1000stg each for their flights

he is a softy - getting dogs abuse !!!!!

FantasticButtocks Mon 08-Aug-16 17:51:03

She'd like to come and live with you? shock

dublingirl48653 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:51:24

he has been ordered to rent out his house so she can travel on the rent money
so doesnt seem to care
He says nothing
i just wanted to scream my head off

my family were feeling I was overreacting (they have not heard it all yet)

Fiona80 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:53:52

She is not the issue, your cousin is, he should have been paying u, he is your cousin not her. Why did you keep paying for them? After paying a couple of times I would not have paid for anything, I would have let them do their own sight seeing.

Def would not have her to stay again.

Fiona80 Mon 08-Aug-16 17:56:12

Just seen your last post. These are their issues, nothing to do with you, he has let her behave like an entitled brat so that's why she behaves like that.
Don't get yourself wound up over their issues.

dublingirl48653 Mon 08-Aug-16 18:02:07


thanks guys
had to get it off my chest

never again
feel like an utter mug but thats life
i am decent just hate demanding people with no manners

bluebeck Mon 08-Aug-16 18:10:16

OP your cousins wife is clearly awful -- and your cousin isn't much better-- but what really strikes me about your posts is your apparent complete inability to say no or to stand up for yourself.

Was this a one off or are you this much of a doormat (sorry!) all the time?

I am wondering if some assertiveness training might help?

MadamDeathstare Mon 08-Aug-16 18:10:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

confuugled1 Mon 08-Aug-16 18:11:41

Ignore the wanting to live you bit - if it comes up again treat it as a joke and say that you thought she was joking, you're not looking for new housemates.

However the wanting some tea is a perfect opportunity to say of course I'll get you some tea - however it's really expensive so you'll need to send me the money for it (and any postage) in advance. And while you're doing it, you can also send me the money you'd promised me for the flights and your share of the taxis/food/entry fees/etc from your visit. I really can't afford to pay for your holiday - that's money I need to pay for next month's rent/mortgage.

It's one way to send a reminder over about the money they owe you. Just straight up say that you can't afford to pay for her flights etc and that you need it for something basic (ie housing or food - even if that's not strictly true, it sort of is) - how can they expect you to pay for their holiday using money earmarked for your rent. Particularly as if you follow the thought through, it would potentially mean that you are paying for their holiday when you can't afford to have one (or as nice as one) of your own because you'd paid for theirs.

If they send over any money - put it towards the flight and your costs first. Don't get the tea until all the other money has been paid. if they kick up a fuss then kick one up back and just keep repeating that of course you'll get the tea when they pay you what they promised they'd pay you for their holiday. Might be that you need to talk to your cousin rather than his wife though if she was the one that was telling him not to pay. Remind them nicely that they were going to share the costs and don't ever suggest that there was any hint that they wouldn't pay or would pay later - just that this is a bit of an oversight rather than a deliberate ploy on their behalf, so it makes them look bad to not pay. But if you're gracious about it and assume they'd forgotten before they left, and you deal with your cousin it should be fine!

And definitely consider it a lesson learned - next time they pay for their flights and set up a kitty at the start of the holiday to pay for joint expenses throughout!

dublingirl48653 Mon 08-Aug-16 18:15:04

setting up a kitty !!!!
yes - great idea

forgot to mention the car she made me hire for 4 days
a gorgeous peugeot 3006 - the jeep type
she was annoyed there was not enough leg room in the back for her all by herself
what a twat!!!!!!

and yes I would say 80per cent of the time I am a door mat
need to get some sense to be honest

never again

CatNip2 Mon 08-Aug-16 18:15:40

She is 70 and from a different country and wants to come live here and wants free train travel.

Help me out here, how does she think she will do that? Has she been reading the DM perhaps?

You sound a lovely guest but you are right, you need to grow a pair.

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