To fucking hate everything? Job searching, money, health, life in general

(2 Posts)
everythingisshittt Mon 08-Aug-16 17:00:31

Everything feels shit right now.

I've posted on Mumsnet under different names, sometimes years ago very distressed with my depression. Got some reprieve and felt well. But everything is becoming so hard again.

I'm so worried about money! My work situation is shit. I have a few hours and trying to get more and also looking at very slowly building up a business. Nobody wants me, either as an employee or to be my client, I keep getting rejections it's been like this for over a year.

My health is not great and I'm fed up.

I feel so guilty because I'm finding fault. I have so much to be grateful for in other ways.

I saw a really good psychiatrist who was very supportive, they left their job and not been replaced so I have no mental health support now. I am trying to be proactive so went on a waiting list for low fee counselling, but I'm worried my mental health is deteriorating.

There's nobody I can talk to about this. My family don't like it, they back off from me when I'm sick because I because I got too vocal about it when I had a major breakdown and suicide attempt a few years ago. This was after years of struggling. It wasn't like me to be so frank about how I felt in terms of how bad it was, I think they were shocked, I feel nothing but shame now when I think of how honest I was when I was really unwell. We don't talk about it. I mean they always knew I was struggling with depression and anxiety but they never saw me literally crying in pain before then, I was always very articulate and spoke about it in a very measured way, and never mentioned childhood abuse which really shocked them and made everyone uncomfortable.

I'm self medicating with sleeping pills to shut things out, done this twice over last two weeks, and drinking a little too much though nothing extreme.

Just wanted to get it out there. I'm so desperate to be feeling content, calm, like I can handle life, and really wobbling at the moment but trying to cling on to all the good stuff and figure out what I keep doing wrong without crumbling and talking to somebody because that never goes well.

saoirse31 Mon 08-Aug-16 18:38:18

Hi, sorry you're feeling so bad. I think I'd look for some mh support - I know you are- would talking to say samiratans be any good as stop gap? Apologies if that's stupid suggestion. Would volunteering somewhere help? Again this may sound silly but try and get out for a walk every day if you can, in park or somewhere nice if possible. I appreciate this may not be possible. Hope things improve for you soon

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now